Where do you find the password attempts setting or option in ICS? I want to either stop this function or at the very least set the number of attempts to a higher number than 3.
There is no way to change the limit on incorrectly entered screen lock codes, unless you make your own custom ROM with this ability.

It should be set at 5 incorrect entries triggers a 30 second wait period - if this isn't the case then the ROM maker has changed this.