How do I migrate my site without doing a direct DB export and site upload? I'm in an odd situation. When I try moving my site from my dev server to my production server the whole thing blows up. I think it is something in my database, it even happens if I export the DB with all but the core modules turned off.

So what then is the best way to export my site (nodes, users, views, panels, contexts et al) to the production server then?
What you should have done is remove sites/all/default/settings.php; 
Now copy and rename the: sites/all/default/default.settings.php => sites/all/default/settings.php

Phase 2 
Migrate the database to the production server
Phase 3 
Copy the drupal directory from your dev to production server
Phase 4
On the production server hit the following Your_Domain_Name.com/install.php
follow the install instructions and set the database settings and you will be redirected to your site with config.
Phase 5
run cron to make sure eveything is running ok and update if necessary