Create a programming language interpreter Task:

You must create an interpreter that can parse snippets of a programming language. The language does not need to be complex, but it must include the following syntactical elements:


Ability to assign and read variables (could be as simple as a-z being premade variables)
If statements (elseif and else are not required)
Loops (counting to an arbitrary number, user access to counter is not required)
Simple math with variables (addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, greater/less than, equals)
Print statements


Rules:


You may not copy the syntax of another popular language.
You need to write your own interpreter, not modification of another interpreter.
You can write your interpreter in any language.
Write a 99-bottles-of-beer example program in your language (see here)
This is a popularity-contest, so the most upvoted answer wins.
DogeScript

The 99 bottles of beer program:

many amaze 99 time

such scare bottles-of-beer
such scream on-the-wall
many despair 13 time

such fail take-one-down-pass-it-around

wow

so amaze
so scare
so scream
so despair!

so amaze
so scare
so despair!

much amaze

so fail
so despair!

so amaze
so scare
so scream

so despair!
so despair!

very amaze

wow


The PHP interpreter:

&lt;?php
$input=fopen('php://stdin', 'r');

//pre-process input
$input=preg_replace("/ +/", " ", $input); //replace any multiple spaces by a single space

//split into instructions by newlines
$instructions=explode("\n", $input);

$loopstartpoint= -1;
$variables=array();
$activevariable="";
for($instrpointer=0; $instrpointer&lt;count($instructions); $instrpointer++)
{
    $tokens=explode(" ", $instructions[$instrpointer]);
    switch($tokens[0])
    {
        case "wow":
            if($loopstartpoint&lt;0)
            {
                $loopstartpoint=$instrpointer+1;
            }
            else
            {
                if($variables[ $activevariable ])
                {
                    $instrpointer=$loopstartpoint;
                }
                else
                {
                    $loopstartpoint= -1;
                }
            }
            break;
        case "so":
            if(substr($tokens[1], -1)=="!")
            {
                echo chr($variables[ substr($tokens[1], 0, -1) ]);
            }
            else
            {
                echo $variables[ $tokens[1] ];
                echo " ";
            }
            break;
        case "very":
            $activevariable=$tokens[1];
            break;
        case "much":
            if(!isset($variables[ $tokens[1] ]))
                $variables[ $tokens[1] ]=0;
            if(count($tokens)==2)
            {
                $variables[ $tokens[1] ]--;
            }
            else
            {
                for($loop=0;$loop&lt;$tokens[2];$loop++)
                {
                    $variables[ $tokens[1] ]--;
                }
            }
            $activevariable=$tokens[1];
            break;
        case "many":
            if(!isset($variables[ $tokens[1] ]))
                $variables[ $tokens[1] ]=0;
            if(count($tokens)==2)
            {
                $variables[ $tokens[1] ]++;
            }
            else
            {
                for($loop=0;$loop&lt;$tokens[2];$loop++)
                {
                    $variables[ $tokens[1] ]++;
                }
            }
            $activevariable=$tokens[1];
            break;
        case "such":
            $variables[ $tokens[1] ]=$tokens[2];
            $activevariable=$tokens[1];
            break;
    }
}
?&gt;


The syntax as it currently stands:

wow - start and end loops, end of loop checks if active variable is 0 and loops if not
so without ! - print variable's value
so with ! - print variable's ASCII character
much - decrement this variable
many - increment this variable
such - set variable
very - make variable active
x time - does previous statement x times

Variables are initially 0.


Try it here.
Any suggestions for improvement are welcome.