The Smart Person's Mirage Once upon a time, I was reading this question/answer on Quora

Are there really programmers with computer science degrees who cannot pass the FizzBuzz test

This code is given as the obvious answer

for i in range(1, 100):
    if i % 3 == 0 and i % 5 == 0:
        print "FizzBuzz"
    elif i % 3 == 0:
        print "Fizz"
    elif i % 5 == 0:
        print "Buzz"
    else:
        print i


Of course FizzBuzz has been golfed to death, but that is not what this question is about. You see, in the comments, someone mentions that this obvious answer is great since it's easy to add extra conditions such as print "Jazz" for multiples of 4. (I don't agree. Extending this scheme requires O(2**n) lines of code.)

Your challenge is to write the most beautiful version of FizzJazzBuzz as judged by your peers.

Some things for voters to consider: 


DRY
Efficiency of division/modulus operations


Many of the answers on Quora were using Python, but there is no such language restriction here.

I'll accept the answer with the most votes one month from now

Sample output:

1
2
Fizz
Jazz
Buzz
Fizz
7
Jazz
Fizz
Buzz
11
FizzJazz
13
14
FizzBuzz
Jazz
17
Fizz
19
JazzBuzz
Fizz
22
23
FizzJazz
Buzz
26
Fizz
Jazz
29
FizzBuzz
31
Jazz
Fizz
34
Buzz
FizzJazz
37
38
Fizz
JazzBuzz
41
Fizz
43
Jazz
FizzBuzz
46
47
FizzJazz
49
Buzz
Fizz
Jazz
53
Fizz
Buzz
Jazz
Fizz
58
59
FizzJazzBuzz
61
62
Fizz
Jazz
Buzz
Fizz
67
Jazz
Fizz
Buzz
71
FizzJazz
73
74
FizzBuzz
Jazz
77
Fizz
79
JazzBuzz
Fizz
82
83
FizzJazz
Buzz
86
Fizz
Jazz
89
FizzBuzz
91
Jazz
Fizz
94
Buzz
FizzJazz
97
98
Fizz
JazzBuzz
The most beautiful version, you say? Then, let's try this one in...

Shakespeare Programming Language



The Marvelously Insane FizzBuzzJazz Program.

Lady Capulet, an old bossy woman that loves to count.
The Archbishop of Canterbury, an old fart who adores to spit out letters.


          Act I: The only one of them.

          Scene I: The Archbishop of Canterbury is a bastard.

[Enter The Archbishop of Canterbury and Lady Capulet]

The Archbishop of Canterbury:
 You are nothing!

          Scene II: Count, Lady Capulet, count.

The Archbishop of Canterbury:
 You are as beautiful as the sum of yourself and a cat!

Lady Capulet:
 Am I worse than the square of the product of the sum of a warm gentle flower and a rose
 and my pretty angel?

The Archbishop of Canterbury:
 If not, let us proceed to Scene VIII.

          Scene III: Fizzing to no end!

The Archbishop of Canterbury:
 Is the remainder of the quotient between yourself and the sum of a happy cow and a
 chihuahua as good as nothing?

Lady Capulet:
 If not, let us proceed to Scene IV. Thou art as handsome as the sum of the sum of
 the sweetest reddest prettiest warm gentle peaceful fair rose and a happy proud kindgom
 and a big roman. Speak thy mind!

 Thou art as fair as the sum of thyself and a honest delicious cute blossoming peaceful
 hamster. Thou art as cunning as the sum of the sum of an embroidered King and a horse
 and thyself. Speak thy mind!

 Thou art as amazing as the sum of the sum of a good happy proud rich hero and a hair and
 thyself! Speak thy mind.

 Speak your mind!

          Scene IV: Milady, there is jazz in thy robe.

The Archbishop of Canterbury:
 Is the remainder of the quotient between yourself and a proud noble kingdom as good as
 nothing?

Lady Capulet:
 If not, let us proceed to Scene V. You are as charming as the sum of the sum of a noble
 cunning gentle embroidered brave mighty King and a big warm chihuahua and an amazing
 pony! Speak your mind!

 You are as prompt as the sum of yourself and a big black sweet animal. You are as noble
 as the sum of the sum of a gentle trustworthy lantern and yourself and a hog. Speak your
 mind!

 You are as bold as the sum of the sum of yourself and a good delicious healthy sweet
 horse and my smooth cute embroidered purse. You are as peaceful as the sum of a flower
 and yourself. Speak your mind.

 Speak your mind!

          Scene V: Buzz me up, Scotty!

The Archbishop of Canterbury:
 Is the remainder of the quotient between yourself and the sum of a gentle happy cow and a
 chihuahua as good as nothing?

Lady Capulet:
 If not, let us proceed to Scene VI. Thou art as handsome as the sum of the sweetest
 reddest prettiest warm gentle peaceful fair rose and a small town. Speak your mind!

 You are as prompt as the sum of yourself and a big healthy peaceful fair rich kingdom.
 You are as loving as the sum of the sum of an embroidered King and a horse and thyself.
 You are as amazing as the sum of yourself and a cute fine smooth sweet hamster. Speak
 your mind!

 You are as prompt as the sum of the sum of yourself and an amazing cunning Lord and a
 hair. Speak your mind.

 Speak your mind!

The Archbishop of Canterbury:
 Let us proceed to Scene VII.

          Scene VI: Output or die!

The Archbishop of Canterbury:
 Open your heart!

          Scene VII: Oh, to jump the line.

Lady Capulet:
 You are as handsome as the sum of a proud noble rich kingdom and a rural town. Speak your
 mind! You are as gentle as the sum of the sum of yourself and a green mistletoe and my
 father. Speak your mind!

The Archbishop of Canterbury:
 We must return to Scene II.

          Scene VIII: Goodbye, cruel world!

[Exeunt]


So, after my struggle with SPL here, I felt like I had to do at least one submission with it on any challenge. And this is it. 

So, what's all this then?

So, first, we declare the variables we're going to use throughout the program, which must come from Shakespeare plays. Fed up of Romeo, Juliet, Ophelia and Othello, I went up with The Archbishop of Canterbury and Lady Capulet. Their descriptions, as well as the Acts'/Scenes' titles, are disgarded by the parser, so you can put there pretty much anything you like.

So, let's make some king of translation to something a little less gibberishy.

Act I, Scene I

Begin
Lady Capulet = 0;

Act I is pretty straightforward: we initialize our variable with 0.

Act I, Scene II

Lady Capulet += 1;
if(Lady Capulet &lt; Math.pow((2*2*1+1)*(2*1),2))
continue;
else
goto Scene VIII;

We increment Lady Capulet's value and compare it with 100 (yes, that whole sentence serves solely to get the number 100); if it's not smaller, we jump to Scene VIII (the end); otherwise, we continue on to the next Scene.

Act I, Scene III

if(Lady Capulet % (2+1) == 0)
continue;
else
goto Scene IV;
The Archbishop of Canterbury = 2*2*2*2*2*2*1;
System.out.print((char)The Archbishop of Canterbury);
The Archbishop of Canterbury += 2*2*2*2*2*1;
The Archbishop of Canterbury += 2*1+1;
System.out.print((char)The Archbishop of Canterbury);
The Archbishop of Canterbury += 2*2*2*2*1+1;
System.out.print((char)The Archbishop of Canterbury);
System.out.print((char)The Archbishop of Canterbury);

First, we see if the modulus of the division by 3 is 0; if it's not, we jump to Scene IV; if it is, we begin doing arithmetic operations and storing them on the Archieperson, outputting them in character form once we find the one we're looking for. Yes, in the end, the idea is to get Fizz.

Act I, Scene IV

if(Lady Capulet % (2*2) == 0)
continue;
else
goto Scene V;
The Archbishop of Canterbury = 2*2*2*2*2*2*1+2*2*1+2*1;
System.out.print((char)The Archbishop of Canterbury);
The Archbishop of Canterbury += 2*2*2*1;
The Archbishop of Canterbury += 2*2*1+(-1);
System.out.print((char)The Archbishop of Canterbury);
The Archbishop of Canterbury += 2*2*2*2*1+2*2*2*1;
The Archbishop of Canterbury += 1;
System.out.print((char)The Archbishop of Canterbury);
System.out.print((char)The Archbishop of Canterbury);

First checks if the modulus of the division by 4 is 0, then continues as the same scene as before, for Jazz.

Act I, Scene V

if(Lady Capulet % (2*2+1) == 0)
continue;
else
goto Scene VI;
The Archbishop of Canterbury = 2*2*2*2*2*2*1+2*1;
System.out.print((char)The Archbishop of Canterbury);
The Archbishop of Canterbury += 2*2*2*2*2*1;
The Archbishop of Canterbury += 2*1+1;
The Archbishop of Canterbury += 2*2*2*2*1;
System.out.print((char)The Archbishop of Canterbury);
The Archbishop of Canterbury += 2*2+1;
System.out.print((char)The Archbishop of Canterbury);
System.out.print((char)The Archbishop of Canterbury);
goto Scene VII;

Functions like the previous two, checking if the modulus of the division by 5 returns 0, then attempts to write Buzz; the only difference is that, in the end, we skip a Scene.

Act I, Scene VI

System.out.print(Lady Capulet);

To reach this Scene, the number assumed by Lady Capulet must not have been neither Fizz nor Jazz nor Buzz; so, we output it in numeric form.

Act I, Scene VII

The Archbishop of Canterbury = 2*2*2*1+2*1;
System.out.print((char)The Archbishop of Canterbury);
The Archbishop of Canterbury += 2*1+1;
System.out.print((char)The Archbishop of Canterbury);
goto Scene II;

So, this is the only way I found to jump to the next line: output, first, a CR, then a LF; then, we return to Scene II, to that we can continue with the program.

Act I, Scene VIII

End.

Straightforward enough.

I'm still trying to see if I could show this running online, but I can't find an online compiler - the one I know doesn't seem to combine well with any program except the one already loaded, or maybe there's some kind of problem with the interface between the keyboard and the chair...

Update 1:

After mathmandan's comment, I edited the order of Jazz's and Buzz's scenes. It had to be done.