Solar system with both grid tie-in and backup power without battery?
Would it be accurate to re-state the option 3 differently: Have a battery-less system that provides power to our house when the power goes out, but only at all times when the sun is shining, and sells excess to the grid?

Probably the biggest reason why your solar installer can't do #1 and #3, ie have panels that sell to the grid normally, and work islanded when the grid is down, all without a battery bank, is this: His company is trained for and sells only a few packaged PV systems. They simply don't carry one that functions this way.

It's possible to do, of course, but accomplishing it requires a custom design using lower-level components. Many solar installers prefer to stick to plugging together pre-designed commodity systems comprising off-the-shelf modules.