Grounding requirements for multipanel, multiservice installation
Use bare copper ground wires.

Grounds don't need insulation, so don't waste the fill.  

Consider using copper feeder.

Copper? For feeder!!??  Weird, I know.  Copper is expensive and a poor conductor by most measures.  But when conduit fill is the scarce commodity, volume is the measure that counts - and by that measure, copper is the best conductor on earth by volume because it is so very dense. (well silver is like 2% better, a negligible gain for extreme cost, so not worth mentioning, just as we don't mention sodium is 5% better than aluminum and also explodes).

For thermal derate, only count wires that count.

For fill, all wires count. But thermally...

If 2 wires together, by design, cannot flow more ampacity than 1 wire is rated for, they count as 1 wire: 


You're not allowed to intentionally use ground for current, so grounds don't count.
In split-phase or MWBC, neutral only handles differential current. Neutral current + the lesser hot conductor must = the greater hot conductor.  So neutral doesn't count in these. 


Unless it's a "2 hots out of 3, + neutral" circuit in 3-phase power. There, the neutral has some current with 2 hots maxed, so neutral counts there. 

The 2 travelers together, only 1 is hot at a time, so the 2 count as 1. 


In almost all cases, this boils down to 2 wires per circuit. 

Derate off the highest the wire can run.

There's a table, 310.15(B)(16), which gives wire ampacities based on thermal ratings.  Different wires have different ratings, and so do terminations.    


Say you come off a 75C breaker using 90C wire to a 60C NEMA socket.  What ampacity can you breaker for?  The 60C number, because the socket is the limiting factor. 
But when you're doing conduit fill derate,  what ampacity do you derate off of?  60C? No, the socket is not inside the conduit. 75C? Ditto.  You derate off 90C.  


So let's say you have #3 Cu THWN with 6 conductors that count. 80% derate off 115A (90C) = 92A derate. Round up to the next size breaker, that's 100A breaker.  Suppose your EVSE is 79 amps, 92A can definitely carry 79A. You must derate the EVSE 125% so 98.75A, and boom! 100A breaker.  Everything is happy. 

Don't run neutral to things that don't need neutral

EVSE's don't need neutral. At least if an EVSE needs neutral, don't buy it. Because that's just super lazy on their part, they're saving 50 cents buying a 120V-only controls power supply instead of a 120+240V one.  

Garage lights also don't need 120+240V split-phase.  If you really have a 2880 watt light, run 240V only and evict the neutral from the pipe.  

"Oh, but I'll have a subpanel there" -- then you need to use good "design language" to communicate to subsequent morons that there is no neutral here.  First, add an accessory ground bar to the subpanel, and use it for grounds and not the factory supplied neutral bar.  Second, I would make a sign out of heavy cardboard and cut it with little comb fingers that can go into the neutral bar, and the sign says "No 120V loads! Neutral Not Available In This Panel" or something like that.  For bonus points, remove all the lug bolts from the neutral bar.  You've done your part. If someone insists on sticking a 120V load in that panel, not your problem. 

What's the "main" panel doing so far from its meter?

I am wiggy about the idea of coming off the meter with a long, unfused run to the EVSE main panel in the garage. I can't cite chapter and verse but I bet that is not Code.  Putting the EVSE main panel at the meter will cause this run to become a branch circuit and not a service, and the no-neutral 240V makes more sense.  At that point you don't go to any panel, you simply go to the EVSE directly. (unless you want to stop at a fat surge suppressor first). 

I am also uncomfortable mixing service 1's service wires with service 2's branch circuit wires.  That seems like it may be a codevio, but again I can't quite chapter and verse. 

Multiple services can use the same Grounding Electrode System.

I have 2 services sitting right next to each other that grab the same Ufer ground.  Their EMT conduit web connects not only to each other but to the 480V service as well.  And they're on a metal building.  I couldn't separate them without really trying, and if I tried, all I'd do is create shock risk across the insulating pads. 

Dump the lighting branch. Power it out of the existing garage sub.

That little light switch is a lot of trouble.  You need 3 wires (2 travelers 1 return) to power that thing.  But that's what it takes before smart switches came along. 

So convert the garage light to a smart switch (out at the garage).  Use a partner smart switch inside the house that uses either wireless or powerline signaling (make sure it's fed by the same pole in your panel). 

If that doesn't work, go to a "Plan B".  Replace the three #14s with three #18s, and control the light from a GE RR7 relay in the garage.  Now you can wire it in the conduit in #18 wire (though still NM-B outside the conduit).  The switches get replaced with momentary-on switches. Pushing up throws the relay "on". Pushing down throws the relay "off".  Do not use standard 3-ways, which are on 24x7 and will overheat the relay. 

Here's the trick.  This is low voltage (24V) wiring. You're not allowed to put low-voltage wiring in the same pipe with mains wiring unless all of the low-voltage wiring is contained within Class I wiring methods rated for 120/240V. That means you can throw #18's in the conduit, but you can't run 18/3 thermostat cable outside the conduit to the switches - for that you must switch to 14/3 NM-B, which is a Class I wiring method.