Select all columns from table but apply function to 1 column
Select all columns ... such that I don't have to type out all of the column names


But that is exactly what you should be doing! 

Never use select * in production code. 

Why?  Two reasons. 


The database has to work harder, first to work out which columns exist, construct the query and then actually retrieve the data for you.  OK, the amount of extra work is small but involves core, data dictionary tables which can result in performance bottlenecks. 
Databases are inherently shared environments.  Today, your query might be perfectly happy, pulling back all three of the columns in a given table.  Life is Good.  Tomorrow, someone else might add a hundred BLOB fields into that table and suddenly your query's performance goes through the floor, pulling back all that data in which your application has absolutely no interest. 


Always specify the columns that your query requires explicitly. 

Also, are those really your column names?  If so, then your table design worries me greatly.  

Database != Spreadsheet. 


Basic Data Normalisation rules should extract those repeated attributes out into a another [sub-]table, rather than running them "along" a row.