Solutions for reporting off of an EAV structured database?
Well...my solution is as follows:

I used a dynamic pivot table in a stored procedure. The stored procedure called a View that I created which denormalizes the data. I think used MS Query to hook the stored procedure up to Excel 2010. This loads it up into a nicely formatted table that allows the end user to sort and filter to their heart's content. 

With 200,000 records, the query takes about 20-30 seconds to run... I pre-loaded the spreadsheet and set it to refresh in the background at set intervals.

They have it in their hands now, but not long enough to have any feedback. With all the tools I've tried and researched...this really is the only one that has met all my requirements...which is slightly frightening to me. Hope this helps anyone who stumbles across this question.