Crippling fear of hellfire &, damnation, please help?
I hope SN 42.6 quoted below will give you comfort. A person's actions while they were alive determines their outcome, and not rituals performed after death.


  Then Asibandhaka’s son the chief went up to the Buddha, bowed, sat
  down to one side, and said to him:
  
  “Sir, there are western brahmins draped with moss who carry pitchers,
  immerse themselves in water, and serve the sacred flame. When someone
  has passed away, they truly lift them up, raise them up, and guide
  them along to heaven. But what about the Blessed One, the perfected
  one, the fully awakened Buddha: is he able to ensure that the whole
  world will be reborn in a good place, a heavenly realm when their body
  breaks up, after death?”
  
  "Well then, chief, I’ll ask you about this in return,
  and you can answer as you like.
  
  What do you think, chief? Take a person who doesn’t kill living
  creatures, steal, or commit sexual misconduct. They don’t use speech
  that’s false, divisive, harsh, or nonsensical. And they’re contented,
  kind-hearted, and have right view. And a large crowd comes together to
  offer up prayers and praise, circumambulating them with joined palms
  and saying: ‘When this person’s body breaks up, after death, may they
  be reborn in a place of loss, a bad place, the underworld, hell!’ What
  do you think, chief? Would that person be reborn in hell because of
  their prayers?”
  
  “No, sir.”
  
  “Chief, suppose a person were to sink a pot of ghee or oil into a deep
  lake and break it open. Its shards and chips would sink down, while
  the ghee or oil in it would rise up. And a large crowd was to come
  together to offer up prayers and praise, circumambulating it with
  joined palms and saying: ‘Sink, good ghee or oil! Descend, good ghee
  or oil! Go down, good ghee or oil!” What do you think, chief? Would
  that ghee or oil sink and descend because of their prayers?”
  
  “No, sir.”
  
  “In the same way, take a person who doesn’t kill living creatures,
  steal, or commit sexual misconduct. They don’t use speech that’s
  false, divisive, harsh, or nonsensical. And they’re contented,
  kind-hearted, and have right view. Even though a large crowd comes
  together to offer up prayers and praise … when their body breaks up,
  after death, they’re reborn in a good place, a heavenly realm.”
  
  When he said this, Asibandhaka’s son the chief said to the Buddha,
  “Excellent, sir! … From this day forth, may the Buddha remember me as
  a lay follower who has gone for refuge for life.”