(Un)realistic expectations of PhD supervision?
From my own experience with different PhD supervisors (I quit working with one, picked up two more) and postdoc supervisors, I think it really comes down to personality differences and communication style.  It's not that your expectations were unrealistic or not.  It's that you ended up with someone who just works differently and expects different things than you do.  For some people, this "independence-oriented" regime is perfect, because they have a specific goal in mind or narrowed down a PhD topic prior to starting the program.  Others need a bit more guidance.  That's not bad or unrealistic; it's just where you are in your academic journey.  If possible, try to find a supervisor whose expectations and personality match yours.  Or try to figure out exactly what you want from your relationship with your current supervisor, be as respectful and open as possible about it with him/her/them, and try to work out a plan to make that happen.  If your supervisor isn't keen on this approach, then you have two options. 1) Stay in the relationship, accept it will suck until it's over, and focus on getting what you want out of the experience (presumably a Ph.D., papers, etc.).  You can seek out other mentors in the meantime. 2) Find a new supervisor.

Edit: now that I understand your supervisor is a first-timer, I think this is further an issue of lack of experience on their part and perhaps a reflection of how they were supervised throughout their career.  If presented in calm, reasonable fashion, your supervisor might benefit from hearing what a student's expectations are, at least for when they supervise future students.  It's unlikely their overall modus operandi will change, though; these things take lots of time and mistakes.  And I would reiterate again that calm, straightforward communication is important.  Passive aggression or hoping that your supervisor picks up on subtle cues is counter-productive.