How to send your transcript directly from your US university to grad schools without the transcript office knowing which schools
If you're in the US, talk to your registrar about what we call a "Privacy Lock." It is pretty much a set of measures to apply should the students wish to remain private. Things as extreme as taking you off the online directory, conceal all your names and e-mails, etc. can be done. Each school may do it slightly differently so you'd need to talk to them and get a sense of what is covered.

As for the transcript recipient, you can actually try asking them to put a flag in your personal profile. Most school registrars will probably open up your online record should someone call and ask about you, and if they see the flag they will know how to act accordingly. You can discuss with the registrar on what kind of privacy measures are in place by default and see if additional flags is appropriate, such as "do not disclose information unless in a face-to-face meeting with official proof of ID," etc.

And lastly, you may have to learn about the same security measures in your next school as well, perhaps as soon as you're enrolled. A lot of information is put online and I personally think it's exhausting to make sure that your name will not be featured anywhere. For instance, what if you applied for a scholarship and got it, and the funding agency wants to make a press release? What if you wanted to publish a paper and the journal needs to know your name and affiliation, and will print them if your work is accepted? Somewhere somehow they may still be able to find you so you'll need to be prepared.

And whatever that is driving you guys apart, I wish you'll find resolution and peace soon.