When does the "run, don't walk to the nearest exit" advice not apply to graduate students?
Whether a situation is abusive or not is in no way dependent on the intentions of the advisor. Terribly abusive people think they are being "tough but fair" all the time.

Different people also have different reactions to the same situation. A situation that motivates one student to do better can be destructive to another. I would question that it's even your place to evaluate if other people are being "whiny" or not - you never have enough information to know what it's doing to them.

To evaluate your situation, ultimately what you want to know is if you are getting enough out of your situation to make it worthwhile. Long hours and feeling worn out are a function of workload, mainly. If you want to pursue an academic career, the kind of output required can probably not be achieved without a heavy workload. On the other hand, I have never come out of a meeting with my advisor embarrassed - at minimum, that might indicate that you and your supervisor's styles do not mesh. Another question is, how long do these feelings persist? The next day, do you feel like you are on a better path towards your thesis than before? Do you dread the next meeting?

A common and often extremely destructive feature of abuse is distortion of reality. You start to feel like things are normal even when they are really not. It is therefore most helpful to talk about these things to as many people not from your group as you can - make friendships with people who have different advisors! If your university offers therapy appointments, it can also be very helpful to go in a few times a year to talk these things over with a neutral party.