Sentence construction with 除了, 被，一方面
in addition to the kitchen, the living room of this apartment is also very large.Only if the surroundings are not too confusing, I will rent it.
除了厨房以外，这间公寓的客厅也很大。只要周围不太乱，我就会租下来。


Comments:


还 means 'still', while 也  means 'also'. BTW, in no way you can put 还 in the beginning of the clause like this.
只要...就... 'only if ..., ... will ...'


Yesterday I was criticized by my friends: they say that transport there it's more uncomfortable every year.
昨天我被朋友批评了：他们说那儿的交通一年比一年糟糕。



Comments:


You are supposed to omit possessives when the context is clear.


Marco will be back in a quarter of an hour and we will leave at 8 o'clock tonight. He does not like to watch the Beijing opera as much as I do, so when we get to Beijing, he thinks that on one hand to go eat jiaozi, on the other to exercise the spoken language
麦克再有一刻钟就要回去了，而我们今晚8点才走。因为他不如我喜欢听京剧，所以我们到北京后，他打算去吃饺子，同时练习口语。



Comments:


Use 一刻钟 instead of 一刻 to avoid ambiguity.
in a quarter of an hour -> 还有/再有一刻钟
and ->而
You seems to have missed 'leave'
'So' should be translated into 因为...所以...
It might be confusing but in Chinese, you listen to a play: 听京戏/听京剧
I don't think 'on one hand..., on the other hand' or 一方面..., 另一方面 is appropriate here.