Boot into Mac from Windows after failed Bootcamp
The "correct answer" to this turn out to be not so deep.  The wireless keyboard was not waking up fast enough on startup to get the key press to initiate any of the startup key combos.

Hitting a couple keys before hitting the power button on the mac mini allowed the keyboard to wake up first.  All key combos work.

I believe the fact that the Bootcamp control panel does not show up on the Windows side, is because it is Windows 8 and Bootcamp and it's Windows support drivers are meant for Windows 7.

Also plugging the wireless keyboard into the mac also sped things up