iPad mini wont update over iOS 10
You apparently have the original (first generation) iPad Mini. The last version of iOS released for the generation of iPad Mini is iOS 9.3.5 (iOS 9.3.6 for Wi-Fi + Cellular models). So it's not possible to update it to iOS 10 or later.


  it won’t let me make a new Apple account.


You can register for a new Apple account by going the the Apple ID website on any computer. Visit the following link:


https://appleid.apple.com/account#!&amp;page=create