Error Relating to AppTranslocation in macOS Sierra
Well, after a fairly significant amount of trial and error (and a bit of reading about how AppTranslocation works in macOS 10.12 Sierra), I've discovered a fix.
In essence, you have to open the *.dmg and then move the contents to some other folder in Finder. The catch: If you move both simultaneously, AppTranslocation may 'tag' them (seemingly permanently) and continue to run every time you try to launch either *.app); this seems like a bug, and I intend to report it to Apple.
The Solution
Re-download the *.dmg (as others have stated) and move the two files it contains one at a time into a folder (preferably Utilities, but it's up to you where you want them to reside). Once you've done this, run the Launcher and everything should work as before.