PSPICE graphs work separately for subcircuits, wrong when combined?
Ok guys. I know you were all sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for a solution to my problem, but I was eventually able to figure it out solely through the power of trial and error.

IT WAS THE TRANSFORMER! I changed it to two coupled inductors like so:



And this was the result!



Oh yes... that sexy sinusoid at the top of my pulses gets me...

Anyways, I gotta go take care of some business guys. Thanks for those of you that attempted to solve it!

( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )