How can I make any basic boost converter that actually works?
First off, you're using an inductor that's 100 times larger than the one in the example schematic. That sort of change will break a lot of circuits, and switching power supplies are finicky to begin with.

Secondly, are you loading the converter at all, aside from the feedback network? It's better to have continuous current in the inductor instead of letting it drop to zero every cycle.

Finally, are you sure you've got everything hooked up right? Pin 2 is supposed to be a low-inductance path to ground, but it sounds like maybe you're driving current into it instead.