Controlling 8x8 matrix mounted lamp
It's not really clear what you are trying to do.  Apparently switching 8 rows and 8 columns isn't good enough for some reason.

If the problem is bleed-thru, then you could put a small solid state relay (SSR) at each junction.  Get ones with a single LED on the input.  Now you use low voltage to drive the SSRs, and they in turn switch their lamps to the bussed high voltage AC power.

Due to the LEDs in the SSR inputs being diodes, this won't cause any bleed-thru or partial conduction for some of the nearby bulbs from the one that is addressed.

You also don't need relays anymore to drive the rows and columns.  That can now be done with digital logic.

If you get the type of SSR that switches off at zero crossings, you can use this as a memory effect to light combinations bulbs at a time.  Using the high speed digital logic, you scan all the bulbs you want to be on quickly shortly after the power line zero crossing.  They will then stay on until the next zero crossing.  If you can scan in a short time relative to the power line period, then you can have arbitrary patterns of bulbs on at a time.