Can't get custom content type page template to load
I'm totally an idiot. I tried this code previously but it didn't work, which is why I ended up with the code above (also didn't work).

I realized that in the code I tried the first time I failed to change the first line to my theme's name:

&lt;?php
function thisshouldhavebeenmythemename_preprocess_page(&amp;$variables) {
  if (!empty($variables['node'])) {
    $variables['theme_hook_suggestions'][] = 'page__node_' . $variables['node']-&gt;type;
  }
}
?&gt;