Printer thermistors read completely wrong after changing firmware
Okay, to anyone who is looking at this post, I am an idiot. I have spent the last 4 or more hours sifting through youtube videos and forum posts to figure out this problem. I have reinstalled firmware modifications dozens of times. All of this, to just now discover that I never had the bed or hotend cables connected. That's right, I never even considered the fact that I had yet to plug in those cables after transporting my printer to a new location.
Don't be like me. Check the simplest solutions first.