Write your own Death Note
Javascript (561)

This can probably be reduced significantly, but here goes:

i=i.split("\n");d=new Date(i[0]);t=d.getDate();z=t%10;t+=z==1?"st":z==2?"nd":z==3?"rd":"th";m=['January','February','March','April','May','June','July','August','September','October','November','December'][d.getMonth()];y=d.getFullYear();a=d.getHours();b=d.getMinutes();c=d.getSeconds();l=a&amp;&amp;b&amp;&amp;c?" at "+a+":"+b+":"+c:"";g=d&gt;new Date()?"will die":"died";n=i[1].split(" ");n[1]?n[0][n[0].length-1]==","?n=i[1]:n=n[1]+", "+n[0]:n[0];s=i[2]=="Male"?"He":i[2]=="Female"?"She":n;document.write(n+" "+g+" on the "+t+" of "+m+", "+y+l+".&lt;br&gt;"+s+" "+g+" of "+i[3]+".");


Sample I/O:

2 September 1973
J.R.R. Tolkien
Male
pneumonia



  Tolkien, J.R.R. died on the 2nd of September, 1973.
  He died of pneumonia.


January 19, 2038 03:14:08 GMT
Everyone
Unknown
Y2K38



  Everyone will die on the 18th of January, 2038 at 21:14:8.
  Everyone will die of Y2K38.


Try it out on JsFiddle.