XKCD Bracket Probabilities
CJam, 161 bytes

1'/l_"FRE"#\_'É#)\2b626%536%"òazíF­.?§·»ùßóÿ÷ýÿÿ»×ï_ÿÿ¿ß÷ä¿ûïÿÏÅÿ¿ÿÿ~ÿþÿýó½ïÿþþ/ïþÿ®þü¾ùÿ®÷/"256b2b2*&lt;1-,"ãÍÕý*ÔÞ)ð^sV? Ìöî²\ÅlÕáS{Á"260b5b=5,Z6t=2+1\?4?32*


This is a full program that expects uppercase input, with punctuation and accents exactly as shown in the pastebin.

Try it online in the CJam interpreter.

How it works

1'/      e# Push a 1 and a slash.
l        e# Read a line of input from STDIN.
_"FRE"#  e# Push 0 if the input starts with "FRE" and a truthy value otherwise.
\_'É#)   e# Push 1 if the input doesn't contain "É" and a falsy value otherwise.

         e# Now we hash the input:
\2b      e#     Apply base 2 conversion to turn the input into an integer.
626%536% e#     Take that integer modulo 626, then modulo 536.

"òazíF­.?§·»ùßóÿ÷ýÿÿ»×ï_ÿÿ¿ß÷ä¿ûïÿÏÅÿ¿ÿÿ~ÿþÿýó½ïÿþþ/ïþÿ®þü¾ùÿ®÷/"256b2b2*

         e# Convert the string from base 256 to base 2 and repeat it.
         e# The resulting array, [1 1 1 1 0 0 1 0 0 ...], contains a 0 at index X
         e# if and only if there is a possible input with hash X.

&lt;        e# Keep the binary values before the index of the input hash.
&lt;1-,     e# Count the number of zeroes.

"ãÍÕý*ÔÞ)ð^sV?  Ìöî²\ÅlÕáS{Á"260b5b

         e# Convert the string from base 260 to base 5.
         e# The resulting array, [2 2 2 2 2 0 4 4 0 0 ...], contains a diffrent
         e# integer for every different probability. The input with the lowest hash
         e# corresponds to the first index, the one with the highest to the last.

=        e# Retrieve the integer corresponding to the input.
5,Z6t=   e# Retrieve the corresponding element from [0 1 2 6 4].
2+       e# Add two.
1\?      e# Select the result from above or 1 for BEYONCÉ.
4?       e# Select the result from above or 4 for and FRED.
32*      e# Multiply by 32.