Is iris really this useless or am I doing it wrong?
From what I've seen, Iris isn't supposed to be a competitor for Siri, but rather just a (mostly) joke app that just tries to replicate some of Siri's snarkiness. It's for laughs, not productivity.

If you do want to be productive with voice commands, there are some options. Vlingo and SpeakToIt Assistant spring immediately to mind. There are others.

This might be helpful: Lifehacker: How to get a personal assistant like Siri on your Android phone for free