EV3 isn't showing up in programming software after pairing on Windows XP
The key is to make sure the driver works with MS's bluetooth stack, and doesn't just use it's own stack.

Press Win+R, type bthprops.cpl (or maybe irprops.cpl, it's been a while), hit enter.  Check the Hardware tab to make sure your device actually shows up.  If not, try different drivers/manually installing the driver using the "Have disk" method.  3rd party bluetooth stacks may disable the MS one seeing the device, even if the device/driver supports the MS stack.