Setup of Arduino Uno as ArduinoISP for programming attiny45
The capacitor is meant to prevent the programming Arduino from being reset. Normally, when you open the serial connection, the Arduino gets reset and first starts into the bootloader (which would be used to program it). But when using the Arduino as ISP programmer, you don't want to run the bootloader of the programmer. You want to let the programmer sketch work as intended. Thus you want to prevent the programmer from resetting on serial connection. The capacitor between Reset and ground holds the 5V level of the reset pin for the time, that the reset pulse from the USB Serial chip is trying to pull the pin to low. So it prevents the reset from happening.
The value and type of the capacitor is not critical here. I always use a 47uF bipolar electrolyte capacitor, because I have a bunch of them just laying around. The value just shouldn't be unreasonable small or big. The mentioned range of yours is just giving you a hint in which order the value should be. Also you can simply test, if the reset happens with your capacitor. You cannot break things with a wrong value here.

Which clock frequency to use is up to your exact requirements. There is no &quot;this is the best for all occasions&quot;-frequency. Also you are not wrecking the Attiny with any of the clock speeds. Though you should note, that choosing an external clock source means, that you actually need to provide that clock source for the ATTiny to work. The fuses can be reprogrammed, if you have chosen a wrong frequency by accident.
The datasheet states just as you wrote. The interal oscillator is by default set to 8MHz, while the prescaler divides that down to 1MHz as the main CPU clock. So by default the ATTiny runs on 1MHz. You can change that, if you like.
For my Attiny85s I always used internal 8MHz as the setting (the option, that appears in the IDE menu). That is the easiest way (internal means you need no external components for the clock), while being the fastest speed you can get with the internal clock, I think.