Initial attempt at node.js automatic redirection
if (err) {
        if (name == nope)
            rv = "INTERNET!";
        else {
            rv = readFile(nope, response);
            return;
        }
    }
    else rv = dat;



Omitting {} can easily go sideways especially if you mix it like in the example above. I suggest to always use them.

Even if it's just

else { rv = dat; }


they greatly helps to see where the if/else ends.


var nope = "./redirect.html";



Since you doesn't seem to change it anwhere, I'd make it a constant too.