Textures Reorganize When I Unwrap
Okay. I have solved the problem after several days of pulling my hair out. Shoutout to @moonboots for setting me on the right track. First of all, THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO will explain mostly everything. A couple things it won't explain:


You cannot have both image textures and flat color textures in the same model. I, for instance, used image texture for the clothes and flat color for the skin, hair and boots. What you must do is import your flat colors as images and have blender pull from those. I myself made a texture palette with all the main colors I will use. THIS is a good YouTube video showing how to do that.

You absolutely MUST use Nodes. I was intimidated by the Node Editor and found it so confusing that I kept strictly to the Materials Tab. No way, Jose. There's no getting around it; you have to use Nodes.
If you are really stuck, OUTSOURCE. I hired someone on Fiverr.com to bake the model for me and make a list of steps to take so I would know how to do it myself. If you're going crazy, delegate!


Good luck guys!