I Can't Open Blender 2.75 or Higher When Installed, Console Flashes and Closes Instead
Original Poster here, I figured out how to fix the problem.

The first thing I did was check exactly what the error was. I found this out by running Blender with the Command Prompt ('cmd' in Windows search, 'cd' into the directory with blender, then ran it) and got the same error, 'EXCEPTION_ACCESS_VIOLATION'

I plugged the error I got into Google, worded as "blender exception access violation" and ran into a different question asked by a user of this site, linked here, and found my solution.

It was the my display driver that needed to be updated. The thing is, I didn't realize this because neither of my driver updating services told me it needed to be updated until today. I use DriverEasy and Intel Driver &amp; Support Assistance. Driver Easy, which I had used to update so many outdated drivers, said that I was completely up to date on my drivers. Intel didn't even say anything was wrong when I first ran the test, so the fact that it decided to tell me things needed to be updated now was something of a mystery, but it doesn't really matter now.

So I both downloaded the installer and the .zip file, and they both work!

So to everyone who was struggling with the same thing I was, and you know your computer should be able to normally run it, check your drivers. Preferably through multiple certified and trusted driver-updating services. Some of them will catch updates that others won't recognize, and some check more drivers than others.

So now my problem has been solved!