Blender 2.8.2 Crashes on Startup (Windows10) - Not enough video memory?
OK I figured it out. I was connecting my display to the motherboard's HDMI port instead of my video card! 

I couldn't access my Nvidia Display Properties as I "Didn't have an NVIDIA GPU attached to my display" so I suspected that was related, and when I fixed that, Blender also worked like a breeze. No wonder it couldn't properly find video memory, etc.