What is the technique to get a proper consistent crochet tension without being too tight?
Your problem does not seem so strange to me: I do the same with needles whenever I knit. That is the main reason why instructions contain the Gauge part, so you can choose the right yarn and hook to get the right size. 

As I found written on a shawl crochet pattern:


  CHECK YOUR GAUGE. 
  
  Use any size hook to obtain the gauge.


On the other hand, don't be too worried about "even" stitches while crocheting at first, but let the thread slide quite easily through your fingers while you work, otherwise the final result will be too stiff. The more you get used to crocheting, the more regular your stitches will become.

Hope this can help!