title_body: Finnish as if it were English
upvoted_answer: Since this question was closed in Linguistics, I think it appropriate to note the answer here.
  
  
    I speak English and a reasonable amount of Finnish, and I could make absolutely no sense of any of that at all, even knowing the sound laws you posit and where the text comes from. It was basically utter gibberish from start to finish. I’m guessing the first three words are meant to be ‘with the boy’, but after that, I’m lost. –-- Janus Bahs Jacquet (9.APR.2020)