Gemma Arterton and Jeremy Renner star in 'Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters' 
 
 A Paramount release presented with Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Pictures of a Gary Sanchez production. Produced by Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, Kevin Messick, Beau Flynn. Executive producers, Denis L. Stewart, Chris Henchy, Tripp Vinson. Directed, written by Tommy Wirkola. 
 
 Hansel - Jeremy Renner 
 
 Gretel - Gemma Arterton 
 
 Muriel - Famke Janssen 
 
 Sheriff Berringer - Peter Stormare 
 
 Ben - Thomas Mann 
 
 Edward - Derek Mears 
 
 Mina - Pihla Viitala 
 
 To his credit, "Hansel & Gretel" writer-director Tommy Wirkola never takes the pic's premise -- the titular Grimm siblings grow into wisecracking, primitive-machine-gun-packing bounty hunters, thanks to that fateful spell in the gingerbread house -- too seriously. Yet while the film rarely provokes any strenuous eye-rolling, it also can't drum up even the slightest interest in the fate of its characters, let alone suspense. 
 
 Cursing with anachronistic brio and decked out in Steampunkish frock coats and leather pants, Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton star as the sibling slayers, who have parlayed their childhood fame into a thriving witch-hunting business. Called upon to investigate disappearing children in a woodland village, the two run afoul of the local sheriff (Peter Stormare) when they interrupt a witch hunt in progress. 
 
 The woman in question (Pihla Viitala) turns out to be a "white witch" with a thing for Hansel (her pretense for skinny-dipping makes Prince's Lake Minnetonka line seem like the height of subtle seduction), while Gretel is stalked by a sort of medieval fanboy (Thomas Mann) who tirelessly follows her exploits in newspapers. Meanwhile, a particularly vindictive witch (Famke Janssen) from the surrounding forest redoubles her efforts to terrorize the townsfolk. 
 
 Wirkola introduces some moderately clever touches here and there; the missing-children posters strapped to medieval milk bottles are worth a laugh, and making Hansel a diabetic thanks to his childhood sugar trauma is a smart idea that the film unceremoniously abandons. But these are few and far between. A film with a concept this strange has no right to be so dully formulaic, yet after 15 minutes, the script has entirely exhausted its sparks of real invention. 
 
 The action is frequent and competently staged. All the same, a distressing feeling of sameness takes over midway through, and viewers may be surprised to find themselves yawning as yet another witch is ripped apart limb from limb, sending yet another wave of viscera sluicing toward the camera. 
 
 On that note, the pic isn't helped by Renner's apparent disdain for the material; his Hansel may be a bit of a jaded ruffian, but the weary groan he seems to keep stifling has nothing to do with the character as written. Janssen is likewise unconvincing, meaning that Arterton registers as the film's standout thesp simply by being its most willing participant, spunkily bouncing up after numerous beatings (of which she is far more likely to be the recipient than her sibling, curiously) and sparring semi-cutely with Mann. 
 
 Camera (Deluxe color), Michael Bonvillain; editor, Jim Page; music, Atli Orvarsson; production designer, Stephen Scott; supervising art director, Andreas Olshausen; art directors, Anja Mueller, Stephan Gessler; set decorator, Bernhard Henrich; costume designer, Marlene Stewart; sound (Dolby Digital/Datasat/SDDS), Mac Ruth; supervising sound editor, Karen Baker Landers; re-recording mixers, Scott Millan, Greg P. Russell; special effects supervisors, Gerd Feuchter, Bernd Rautenberg; special effects, Nefzer SFX; visual effects supervisor, Jon Farhat; stereographer, Florian Maier; stunt coordinators, David Leitch, Ben Cooke, Alister Mazzotti; assistant director, Chris Castaldi; second unit director, David Leitch; second unit camera, Paul Hughen; casting, Deborah Aquila, Tricia Wood, Jen Smith. Reviewed at TCL Chinese Theater, Hollywood, Jan. 24, 2013. MPAA Rating: R. Running time: 88 MIN. 
 
 With: Ingrid Bolso Berdal, Joanna Kulig, Bjorn Sundquist, Thomas Scharff, Kathrin Kuhnel, Cedric Eich, Alea-Sophia Boudodimos. 
 
 While visual effects and production design are solid, "Hansel and Gretel's" 3D work is surprisingly shoddy and distracting, for reasons both creative (the frequency of protrusive blades and flying debris) and technical (a fuzzy gray sheen that appears during the film's numerous night scenes). Germany's Studio Babelsberg lot provides some attractively picturesque village grime. ||||| ' Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters ' is so close to being a parody of stupid action movies I'm inclined to believe that at some point in its development that's exactly what it was. It was written and directed by Tommy Wirkola, whose previous claim to fame was a horror comedy about Nazi zombies, and produced by Adam McKay and Will Ferrell , whose Gary Sanchez Productions only makes comedies. The premise -- Hansel and Gretel survive their famous fairy tale encounter with a witch and grow up to be badass supernatural bounty hunters -- is so ludicrous it sounds like a ' Saturday Night Live ' sketch (imagine Ferrell and Amy Poehler in the title roles). It just makes more sense that this was intended as a comedy, and that at some point, someone in a position of power decided it was a safer financial bet to minimize the humor and play the thing straight as an arrow fired from a Gretel's semiautomatic crossbow. The result: a movie that's a joke, instead of a comedy. 
 
 To get a sense of the tone, image a Sam Raimi horror movie stripped of its cruel, dark wit: lots of violence, some cartoonish gore, plenty of tough guy posturing, but without the sly wink that acknowledges the inherent silliness of it all. After a prologue that recreates the basic outline of the original fairy tale, the action picks up "many years later," with Hansel ( Jeremy Renner ) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) arriving in a town infested with unholy evil. After interrupting the local sheriff's attempt to recreate the witch-burning scene from 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail,' they venture out into a nearby forest for the first in a series of generic fights in generic woodland locations with generic witches with generic powers. There's something big going on in the witch community involving child abductions, blood moons, human sacrifices, and a really unfortunate Famke Janssen performance, and it's up to Hansel and Gretel and their arsenal of anachronistic weaponry (shotguns, pocket-sized rifles, a Gatling gun, and the aforementioned rapid-fire crossbow) to stop them. 
 
 The idea of Hansel and Gretel as swaggering action heroes dropping F-bombs as they punch craggy old hags in the face is patently absurd. On paper, this is an over-the-top, genre cliche deflating comedy like the previous ones that litter McKay and Ferrell's filmography (see: 'Talladega Nights,' which sent up sports movies, or "The Other Guys" and its lampoon of cop flicks). But on film -- or 3D digital IMAX projection, in this case -- it's just the cliches, without the gags. 
 
 Look closely at 'Hansel & Gretel' and you'll see faint traces of what could have been (and perhaps once was) a clever satire. Hansel requires daily injections for "sugar sickness" (i.e. diabetes) because of all the candy the witch force fed him. The duo also attract the attention of their very own stereotypical fanboy (Thomas Mann), who pesters them for autographs and has a room full of witch-hunting collectibles in his house. Those are potentially funny concepts, but the potential remains totally untapped. As 'Hansel & Gretel' stands now, they're just set-ups with no punchlines. 
 
 Instead, it's just a lot of Renner and Arterton sleepwalking their way through an endless series of chase and fight scenes. The witches appear, they try to get away on their broomsticks, Hansel and Gretel shoot them with their enormous guns, they all fight each other, and eventually the good guys win and start the whole process over again. Peter Stormare fails to make much of an impression in limited screentime as the antagonistic sheriff, and poor Famke Janssen hisses and sneers her heart out under ten pounds of prosthetic witch makeup to absolutely no tangible effect whatsoever. Renner and Arterton seem relatively committed to the insanity all around them, which may be part of the problem -- they're so deadly serious about these vengeance-driven hunters that they sap all the playfulness right out of the piece. 
 
 Technically, Wirkola's direction is passable, but it lacks any sort of panache or distinctiveness. Somehow he made a movie about two kids who kill a witch in a gingerbread house and grow up to become hired killers that feels like something you've seen a million times before. 
 
 'Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters' is in theaters now. 
 
 Matt Singer is a Webby award winning writer and podcaster. He currently runs the Criticwire blog on Indiewire and co-hosts the Filmspotting: Streaming Video Unit podcast. His criticism has appeared in the pages of The Village Voice and Time Out New York and on ‘Ebert Presents at the Movies.’ He lives in Brooklyn with his wife, dog, and a prop sword from the movie ‘Gymkata.’ ||||| Grimm’s fairy tales have captivated TV viewers lately, and an equally large audience probably will lap up the campy 3D extravaganza Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters when it opens in theaters this weekend. The picture was shot two years ago, but Paramount might have found the right moment to release it -- in the dog days of January, when competition is thin. Young fanboys will sneak into the movie despite the R rating, but there isn’t much here to entice anyone with a bit of maturity. Oscar nominee Jeremy Renner seems out of place in this tacky pastiche, but hopefully the fat paycheck he received will allow him to return to artier fare very soon. 
 
 PHOTOS: Behind the Scenes of THR's Jeremy Renner Cover Shoot 
 
 When you see the names of Will Ferrell and Adam McKay among the film’s producers, you know that Hansel & Gretel never was intended to be taken seriously. Lots of anachronisms and tongue-in-cheek dialogue establish the spoofy nature of this violent venture. All that’s missing is a genuine sense of wit. 
 
 The film begins by referring to the original fairy tale, when a young Hansel and Gretel are abandoned in the forest and venture into a witch’s cottage built of delicious candy. (There’s a good joke later when the adult Hansel takes a medieval version of an insulin injection to help him counteract that sugar addiction.) Then the movie jumps forward a couple of decades to find the grown-up Hansel (Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) turning their childhood trauma into a vocation. The time period is a bit indistinct. Some of the production details evoke the Middle Ages, yet our heroes have an arsenal of somewhat more modern weaponry to help them annihilate witches and warlocks. 
 
 As they stalk their prey, brother and sister find allies -- a “white witch” for Hansel and a troll who takes a fancy to Gretel -- but basically they have to rely on their own grit to triumph over their enemies. Their chief antagonist is a cunning vixen who morphs from glamorous to hideous when the mood strikes. This must be the year for screen beauties to indulge their ugly side. Famke Janssen follows Julia Roberts and Charlize Theron in releasing her hidden monster. 
 
 STORY: Box Office Preview: 'Hansel and Gretel' Set to Slay Star-Studded 'Movie 43,' 'Parker' 
 
 Despite its few wry jokes, the script is awfully thin. Norwegian writer-director Tommy Wirkola (Dead Snow) loves to film crushed and exploding heads, but the film is too fanciful to be truly revolting. Wirkola makes the most of the 3D technology; there haven’t been as many deadly weapons flying at the audience since the era of It Came From Outer Space. 
 
 Unfortunately, the director doesn’t bring much out of the actors. Renner and Arterton are certainly game, but this foolish vehicle doesn’t give them a chance to show what they do best. With a running time of less than 90 minutes, the film is smart enough not to wear out its welcome. But that’s the only sign of true intelligence in this juvenile caper. 
 
 VIDEO: 'Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters' Trailer: Jeremy Renner Bloodies a Fairy Tale 
 
 Opens: Friday, Jan. 25 (Paramount). 
 
 Production: MGM, MTV Films, Gary Sanchez Productions. 
 
 Cast: Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen, Peter Stormare, Thomas Mann, Derek Mears. 
 
 Director-screenwriter: Tommy Wirkola. 
 
 Producers: Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, Kevin Messick, Beau Flynn. 
 
 Executive producers: Denis L. Stewart, Chris Henchy, Tripp Vinson. 
 
 Director of photography: Michael Bonvillain. 
 
 Production designer: Stephen Scott. 
 
 Music: Atli Orvarsson. 
 
 Executive music producer: Hans Zimmer. 
 
 Costume designer: Marlene Stewart. 
 
 Editor. Jim Page. 
 
 Rated R, 87 minutes. 
 

– Watch the trailer for Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, and you might find yourself thinking, "Wait, are they serious?" The answer is no, they're not—the movie, co-produced by Will Ferrell, is consciously campy—but that doesn't mean it's good. Here's a taste of the disdain critics are tossing at the Brothers Grimm update: "Nothing makes a whole lot of sense in this incoherent movie, whose director's philosophy seems to be: When in doubt, cut somebody's head off," writes Lou Lumenick in a no-star New York Post review. Jeremy Renner (Hansel) "looks vaguely embarrassed throughout," and Famke Janssen (the "Great Witch") is on record as saying she did this "to pay off her mortgage." "With a running time of under 90 minutes, the film is smart enough not to wear out its welcome. But that’s the only sign of true intelligence in this juvenile caper," writes Stephen Farber at the Hollywood Reporter. "The picture was never intended to be taken seriously" but it's "missing a genuine sense of wit." Andrew Barker at Variety tries to come up with some bright spots, and winds up saying that it's "not outrageously dumber" than similar movies like Van Helsing, and that it "boasts a nice title credit sequence." Yeah, not high praise. "A film with a concept this strange has no right to be so dully formulaic," he writes. "Viewers may be surprised to find themselves yawning as yet another witch is ripped apart limb from limb." "Look closely at Hansel & Gretel and you’ll see faint traces of what could have been (and perhaps once was) a clever satire," like Hansel's "sugar sickness" (aka diabetes) brought on by his days of eating candy-covered houses, writes Matt Singer at Screen Crush. But Renner and Gemma Arterton (Gretel) take their characters just a bit too seriously. "The result: a movie that's a joke, instead of a comedy."