Laurie Penny, a British writer for “the New Statesmen, Independent, Guardian, Al-Jazeera, The Nation and others” (according to her Twitter), just had the dreamiest brush with death ever. Ryan Gosling, he who breaks up fights in the middle of the street, stopped Ms. Penny from walking directly into a speeding taxi in New York today. 
 
 
 
 This literally just happened: 
 
 The reason Ms. Penny was almost hit wasn’t because, like every other New Yorker, she was too busy playing Angry Birds on her iPhone to notice traffic. No, she’s from London , where cars go in opposite directions. And was wearing a pink wig (which obviously enrages American taxi drivers): 
 
 And it was definitely Ryan Gosling, not some lookalike, as confirmed by a woman who wasn’t lucky enough to almost die today. 
 
 More on this as it develops. As of the time of this posting, Mr. Gosling’s publicists have not responded to our request for comment. ||||| Yawwwwwwwwwwwwwn. Oh man. Sorry folks. I must apologize on behalf of my vagina for its rudeness. Normally my ladyflower has better manners. See, it has just woken up from a very, very long nap and is a bit out of sorts. What has jolted my kitty from its slumber? Oh, RYAN GOSLING IS BACK IN NEW YORK CITY. 
 
 And, as I and my vagina should have assumed, he has been busy saving lives. 
 
 So, apparently yesterday, a British writer by the name of Laurie Penny — who I am obviously already following and inundating with questions on Twitter — was meandering across busy 6th Ave., and looked the wrong way to check for traffic. Which is to say she looked right because she is from England and they are ass-backwards across the pond. Luckily for her, she was not run over by oncoming traffic in the other direction, thanks to a gentleman NAMED RYAN GOSLING, who grabbed her and pulled her out of harm’s way. Afterwards, an onlooker confirmed that Laurie Penny’s knight in shining armor was indeed America’s sexiest superhero, remarking, “You lucky bitch.” (And she wasn’t talk about the fact that her life had been spared.) 
 
 Personally, I feel much safer knowing The Gos is back from Thailand (where he was filming a movie) and keeping watch over NYC. After all, this is not the first time Ryan has intervened in a life-threatening situation. Remember when those two guys got in a fight over a painting and Ryan had to pull them apart? Batman should take notes, I’m just saying. 
 
 It’s weird. I feel like a bear that has come out of hibernation. My skin tingles knowing that The Gos is in or around my same zip code. I hope I feel less out of sorts soon. You know, so that I don’t accidentally stumble into traffic somewhere along 6th Avenue… [NY Observer] ||||| News 
 
 Dash Store Struck By Attempted Arsonist 
 
 The Kardashian sisters' Dash boutique in West Hollywood came under fire Monday night, quite literally. The Los Angeles Times reports that the L.A. County Sheriff's Department responded to a 911 call after 11 p.m. on Monday night. A passerby saw a man throw a "lit object" through the glass door of the Melrose Avenue store... 
 
 Sabrina Rojas Weiss
– Stop the presses! Everybody swoon! Ryan Gosling saved a woman from being hit by a taxi last night. Our winning headline appears above, but we couldn't stop ourselves from brainstorming a few alternatives: "Gosling Continues Superhero Streak, Saves Woman's Life" The news came to light after British reporter Laurie Penny tweeted, "I literally, LITERALLY just got saved from a car by Ryan Gosling. Literally. That actually just happened." Recalling that the Gos also once broke up a street fight, Annie Georgia Greenberg declares on Refinery 29, "Bruce Wayne, meet your match." "Hey Girl, Don't Step in Front of That Car" OK, so what Gosling actually said was, "Hey, watch out!" according to Penny. "Woman Saved From Taxi, Nearly Murdered by Jealous Onlookers" Gosling's identity was all but confirmed by a woman standing next to Penny, who said, "You lucky bitch." "Millions of Women Fall Unconscious After Gosling Heroics" Coverage of the incident includes lines like: "Laurie Penny … just had the dreamiest brush with death ever." (New York Observer), and "Did anyone else just get weak in the knees?" (Jezebel). And, one actual headline from The Frisky: "Ryan Gosling Returns To NYC, Saves Pedestrian’s Life, Leads My Libido Out Of Hibernation." Click to see all of Penny's tweets on the matter.