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– JK Rowling, apparently not adjusting so well to post-Harry Potter life in the eight years since the last book dropped, has released yet another new story on her Pottermore website—a biography of sorts of one of the author's alleged "favorite off-stage characters" from the Series That Shall Apparently Never Die. Yes, Celestina Warbeck, ye olde "Singing Sorceress," makes her actual debut—complete with an actual music video of her smash hit, "You Stole My Cauldron, but You Can’t Have My Heart" (it's in the gallery, you're welcome)—after what BuzzFeed calls "throwaway references to her in three Harry Potter books." "I always imagined her to resemble Shirley Bassey in both looks and style," Rowling writes on Today, which has the whole thing, complete with references to Celestina's "Flighty Aphrodite tour."