Film review 
 
 Valentine’s Day 
 
 Dir. Garry Marshall. 2010. PG-13. 90mins. Ashton Kutcher, Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Garner, Bradley Cooper. 
 
 Lie to us, we ask on this pinkest of holidays. Tenderize us until we’re raw and chompable. This is why a director like Pretty Woman’s Garry Marshall even has a career to begin with, so woe be to those who enter his manically upbeat ensemble comedy, Valentine’s Day, with dark clouds overhead. Even the movie’s designated sad sacks (notably an inexplicably lonely Jessica Biel, who turns in a small miracle of nervousness) have long-telegraphed happy endings in store by the close of the day. A florist (Kutcher) grapples with his engagement rejection while his cute best friend (Garner) bites her lower lip in sympathy. A secret phone-sex worker (Hathaway) is career-outed in front of her uptight boyfriend; will he melt in understanding? (Hint: He’s played by Topher Grace.) As L.A. stories go, we’re a long way from Robert Altman’s Short Cuts. 
 
 And still: The surprising thing here is how smoothly this over-iced cake goes down. You know you’re getting schmaltz, but as with Britain’s obvious forebear Love Actually (2003), there are enough tart lines and gestures to elicit a certain admiration. The feisty Shirley MacLaine plays one scene in front of her sylphlike, younger self—projected behind her on an outdoor movie screen—and it’s today’s incarnation that grabs you. Blond awards-magnet Taylor Swift reveals an unexpected gift for self-deprecating sunniness, chattering vacantly in an elevator to a stranger. And even Marshall’s megawatt beamer, Julia Roberts, turns in a smart cameo as a returning soldier. But of all of them, I’ll take the waiter in a bruised mood, who sullenly declares, “I’ll come back…when you’re serious.” He’ll be waiting a while.—Joshua Rothkopf 
 
 Find showtimes 
 
 See also The Hot Seat: Topher Grace 
 
 Watch the trailer 
 
 More new Film reviews 
 
 Search more than 30,000 film reviews ||||| Just because Sunday is February 14th, don't let Cupid suck you into crass commercialism disguised as a romantic comedy. Valentine's Day is a date movie from hell. How did director Garry Marshall persuade a big name cast to stuff themselves into this box of rancid heart-shaped chocolates? I can hear him now on his cell to his Pretty Woman star Julia Roberts: "Look, kid, it's easy money. You don't have to work more than a day or two. There are so many big names in this thing the audience will forget if you suck in it." 
 
 Some of us won't. What? You think these overpaid actors did it for their art. Or, my favorite feeble excuse for selling out, "I want to make people feel good in a feel bad world." Ah, people! There's nothing wrong with lifting spirits, except Valentine's Day has all the heart of a two-dollar-whore. Nothing in this cold-blooded exercise in comic calculation feels human. 
 
 Peter Travers reviews Valentine's Day in his weekly video podcast, "At the Movies With Peter Travers." 
 
 Some charitable reviewers have compared VD (excuse the crude acronym but it fits) to Love Actually, but that Richard Curtis collection of romantic vignettes actually had some merit (Bill Nighy, bless you). VD, set in Los Angeles so the stars don't have to travel, throws interlocking love stories at us like used Kleenex. And what Marshall and screenwriter Katherine Fugate concoct over two bloated hours has all the freshness of Love Boat repeats on the tube. But, yes indeedy, the stars do come out. 
 
 Get more news, reviews and interviews from Peter Travers on The Travers Take. 
 
 Besides Roberts, probably kicking herself for turning down two movies (The Blind Side, The Proposal) that put Sandra Bullock on the Oscar map, the cast includes Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Garner, Jamie Foxx, George Lopez, Shirley MacLaine, Hector Elizondo, Queen Latifah, Kathy Bates, Bradley Cooper, Emma Roberts (Julia's niece), two Jessicas (Alba and Biel), two remnants of That 70's Show (Ashton Kutcher and Topher Grace), two young lovers both named Taylor (Lautner and Swift), and — can you stand it? — the doctors McDreamy (Patrick Dempsey) and McSteamy (Eric Dane) and only one of them goes gay. 
 
 Get more news, reviews and interviews from Peter Travers on The Travers Take. 
 
 I could tell you who they all play, but remembering would give me a sick migraine. Will this movie be a hit? Bet on it. Marshall is also prepping a sort of sequel set on New Year's Eve. No holiday will be safe from his touch — Flag Day, Purim. A lot of people think Valentine's Day is an excuse for greedy marketeers to exploit romantic fools for cold cash. Wait till they see this movie. It's worse.
– Romantic comedy Valentine's Day is stuffed with stars and subplots, but the quantity doesn't make up for the lack of quality, say critics in mostly negative reviews. This "is a date movie from hell," writes Peter Travers at Rolling Stone, wondering how Pretty Woman director Garry Marshall persuaded "a big name cast to stuff themselves into this box of rancid heart-shaped chocolates." Only a couple of the story lines in this "silly, disorganized mess" are even close to memorable, writes Bill Goodykoontz at the Arizona Republic. "There's far too much going on in Valentine's Day," he complains, "and far too little of it is worth the trouble." "This over-iced cake" actually goes down pretty smoothly, argues Joshua Rothkopf at Time Out, praising the performances of Jessica Biel, Shirley Maclaine, and Julia Roberts. But with its 18 stars, its 10 interconnected love stories all taking place on the same day in Los Angeles, and its 57 varieties of schmaltz, "this is many lousy movies for the price of one," writes Wesley Morris at the Boston Globe.