Robin Williams’ widow, Susan Williams, opens up in an emotional interview with ABC News’ Amy Robach about the death of her husband and how she is healing. 
 
 “[The pain] … just all of it will never go. It's the best love I ever dreamed of,” Williams said when asked if time has eased her pain. 
 
 In her first interview since the actor's death, Williams discusses her late husband’s demons, the depth of his depression, and her last conversation with him. 
 
 View gallery EXCLUSIVE: Robin Williams’ Widow Forgave Him, Doesn’t Blame Him ‘One Bit’ for Taking His Own Life (A … 
 
 The celebrated actor and comedian committed suicide on Aug. 11, 2014. A coroner’s report said the Williams, 63, had Lewy Body Dementia, a common but difficult to diagnose condition that may have contributed to his decision to commit suicide. 
 
 "I know we did everything we could. … People have in passing will come …They would say to me, ‘God, I wish I had done something more for him. If only I had called him.’ And I'm thinking, ‘No one could have done anything more for Robin,’" she told Robach. "I just want everyone to know that. Nobody -- no one-- everyone did the very best they could. This disease is like a sea monster with 50 tentacles of symptoms that show when they want. It's chemical warfare in the brain. And we can't find it until someone dies definitively. There is no cure." 
 
 Robach asked whether the actor had ever said he didn’t want to live anymore. 
 
 “No. Not even -- no. No,” his widow said. “I mean, he was sick and tired of what was going on, absolutely … and when he got the Parkinson's diagnosis, you know, I mean, in one sense, it was like this is it. This is what we've been -- we've been chasing something, now we found it. And we felt the sense of release and relief. But also, like, ‘Oh my god, what does this mean?’ Okay?” 
 
 Watch the full exclusive ABC News interview Tuesday on “Good Morning America,” “World News Tonight with David Muir” and “Nightline,” and Friday on “The View.” ||||| 'It Was Not Depression That Killed Robin': Susan Williams Opens up to PEOPLE About Husband's Battle with Lewy Body Dementia 
 
 When Robin Williams took his life in 2014, he left his millions of fans, family, and friends shocked and grieving – no one more so than his widow Susan Williams, who for the last year has remained mostly silent about her husband's tragic passing in an effort to uncover and study the real cause of his death.Now in one of her first interviews since losing Williams' last August, Susan shares with PEOPLE the details of the debilitating brain disease called Diffuse Lewy Body Dementia or Dementia with Lewy bodies (DLB) that took hold of Williams and the couple's harrowing ordeal to fight it."It was not depression that killed Robin," Susan says, speaking to the public perception of what drove Williams to commit suicide. "Depression was one of let's call it 50 symptoms and it was a small one."For much more from Susan Williams, pick up the new issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday.Frequently misdiagnosed, DLB is the second most common neurodegenerative dementia after Alzheimer's and causes fluctuations in mental status, hallucinations and impairment of motor function. The disease started taking its toll on Williams in the last year before his death, by way of its "whack-a-mole"-like symptoms which included heightened levels of anxiety, delusions and impaired movement."They present themselves like a pinball machine," Susan says. "You don't know exactly what you're looking at."Williams' symptoms worsened in the months leading up to his death. He experienced crippling anxiety attacks, a "miscalculation" with a door that left his head bloodied and muscle rigidity. And yet still his team of doctors could not pinpoint exactly what was wrong – until the autopsy."I know now the doctors, the whole team was doing exactly the right things," Susan says. "It's just that this disease was faster than us and bigger than us. We would have gotten there eventually."Susan hopes that she can use what she's learned to help others afflicted by DLB."I've spent this last year trying to find out what killed Robin. To understand what we were fighting, what we were in the trenches fighting and one of the doctors said, 'Robin was very aware that he was losing his mind and there was nothing he could do about it,' " she says."This was a very unique case and I pray to God that it will shed some light on Lewy bodies for the millions of people and their loved ones who are suffering with it," adds Susan. "Because we didn't know. He didn't know." ||||| Robin Williams' widow, Susan Williams, is opening up about her husband's tragic death in a sit down with ABC News' Amy Robach 14 months after the beloved comedian's passing. 
 
 "It's the best love I ever dreamed of," Susan says in this clip from her sit-down with ABC News' Amy Robach. 
 
 WATCH: Robin Williams Found Dead at Age 63 
 
 
 
 This marks Susan's first televised interview since losing the love of her life last year, as she has remained mostly quite on the subject. 
 
 Susan first met Robin in 2009 just before he underwent heart surgery, and she reportedly helped him during his recovery period. They later said "I do" on Oct. 22, 2011, after Robin finalized his divorce with second wife Marsha Garces in 2010. 
 
 In the interview, Susan also shares never-before-seen home movies of the Oscar winner and recalls her initial reactions to his death. 
 
 WATCH: What Caused Robin Williams' Death? 
 
 
 
 "I just screamed, 'Robin, what happened? What did you do?'" she says through tears. 
 
 Robin was pronounced dead on Aug. 11, 2014, from asphyxia caused by the late actor hanging himself with a belt. He was 63. 
 
 Following his death, Susan released a statement as to what she believed led to the comedian's suicide. 
 
 "Robin's sobriety was intact," she wrote, "and he was brave as he struggled with his own battles of depression, anxiety as well as early stages of Parkinson's disease, which he was not yet ready to share publicly." 
 
 WATCH: Robin Williams' Family Continues to Battle Over Comedian's Estate 
 
 
 
 The official Coroner's report confirmed that Robin was sober at the time of his death. 
 
 Susan's emotional interview will air on ABC's Good Morning America on Tuesday, Nov. 3, with more of the interview airing later the same day on Nightline. ||||| Robin Williams’ widow, Susan, said she doesn’t blame him “one bit” for taking his life, revealing the comedian had been paranoid and anxious leading up to his suicide and was planning with doctors to check himself into a facility to undergo neurocognitive testing the week of his death. 
 
 “If Robin was lucky, he would've had maybe three years left. And they would've been hard years,” Susan Williams told ABC News’ Amy Robach in an exclusive interview that aired today on “Good Morning America," referring to what was discovered about her husband’s physical condition after his 2014 death. “And it's a good chance he would've been locked up.” 
 
 It was her first interview since the death of her celebrated actor-comedian husband last year at age 63. The pair had had a seven-year relationship and a private, happy three-year marriage. 
 
 Williams described her husband as “just a dream,” adding, “It’s the best love I ever dreamed of. You know, it’s what I always dreamed of love would be … really based on just honor, love, respect.” 
 
 In the interview, Williams open up to Robach about her husband’s mental and physical state and his diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease. She cried as she described how scared she was when she saw her husband and best friend “just disintegrating” before her eyes and again when she recalled her final conversation with him the night of Aug. 10, 2014. 
 
 ‘GOODNIGHT, MY LOVE’ 
 
 She was in bed, reading, and he was getting ready for bed, too. He offered her a foot massage. 
 
 “And I said, ‘It's OK, honey. Not -- you know, it's OK. You don't have to tonight.’ And I'll never forget the look in his eyes of just, sad because he wanted to. And I wished -- you know?” she said. “Then he came back in the room a couple of times. Once to his closet. And he said -- and then he laughed. And he said, ‘Goodnight, my love.’ And I said, ‘Goodnight, my love.’" 
 
 The actor came back one more time, went to his office and got his iPad, his widow said. He appeared to be showing interest in something, displaying initiative. 
 
 “And I thought, ‘This is good,’” she recalled. “And then he said, ‘Goodnight. Goodnight.’ That was the last.” 
 
 The next day, Aug. 11, 2014, she left for work without seeing him, thinking he was still asleep. 
 
 When his assistant, Rebecca, arrived at the house, Williams told her to call her when he woke up. 
 
 “And I said, ‘Call me when he’s up or have him call me when he’s up,’” Williams said. “And I kept thinking, ‘How come he hasn’t called me yet?’ And then she sent me a text. It said ‘He’s not up yet. What should I do?’ I said – and in that moment, I knew there was something horribly wrong.” 
 
 It was past 11:30 a.m., and Williams told her husband’s assistant, Rebecca, to wake him up. 
 
 Rebecca called her back. Robach asked Williams what the assistant had told her about her husband, but she was too distraught to answer. 
 
 She rushed home. 
 
 ‘I FORGIVE YOU 50 BILLION PERCENT’ 
 
 “That 20-minute car ride, I just screamed the whole way, ‘Robin!’” she said. 
 
 At first she couldn’t see him because emergency responders were doing their jobs. 
 
 “And I just wanted to see my husband. And I got to see him ... and I got to pray with him. And I got to tell him, ‘I forgive you 50 billion percent, with all my heart. You're the bravest man I've ever known.’ You know, we were living a nightmare,” she said. 
 
 The nightmare worsened in the months leading up to his death. The Academy Award-winning actor’s depression, anxiety and paranoia battles drove him to hang himself with a belt. 
 
 He had always been very open about his addiction, depression and stints in rehab, but his wife said he’d gotten his life back on track. They even celebrated on July 11, his sobriety date. 
 
 “He was completely clean and sober when he died. And he had eight years of sobriety,” she said, adding that he was happy. 
 
 The depression didn’t start to come on until about April or May, she said. That’s when he started on antidepressants. 
 
 But Susan Williams said the depression wasn’t the biggest issue with her husband. 
 
 “That was a small piece of the pie of what was going on … really, what was overriding that more than depression was anxiety. And the anxiety was huge,” she said. 
 
 He had started asking whether people were looking at him. 
 
 “We'd be out at dinner, and if people were looking at him because people couldn't help themselves. He would say, ‘Are they giving me the stink eye?’” she recalled, laughing, before adding, “And 98 percent of the time, it was like, ‘No, they're freaked out because you're Robin Williams. And they don't know what to do.’” 
 
 He had also begun to worry about his health. In November 2013, he had some stomach pain. The cause was never diagnosed. More symptoms surfaced in the subsequent months, including constipation, urinary trouble and sleeplessness. 
 
 By February, she could see that something was wrong. They were supposed to have gone to see friends who were celebrating a birthday but had to back out at the last minute because Williams was in bed. 
 
 ‘THERE’S SOMETHING REALLY WRONG WITH ME’ 
 
 “He said to me, he said, ‘There's something really wrong with me.’ I said, ‘I know, honey. I know there is. And we're going to get to the bottom of this. I swear. We're going to figure this out.’ And inside my mind for the first time, I started to wonder, ‘Are we?’” she said. 
 
 By that time she had started to wonder whether her husband was a hypochondriac. 
 
 “It's one thing after another and we're chasing it and there's no answers and by now, we -- I mean, we tried everything,” she said. 
 
 In May, they got answers. Robin Williams was diagnosed with the early stages of Parkinson’s disease, a progressive movement disorder which attacks the nerve cells in the brain, resulting in trembling hands, arms, legs and face and eventually leading to slow of movement, coordination problems and trouble walking or doing simple tasks, according to the National Institutes of Health. 
 
 Robach asked whether the actor had ever said he didn’t want to live anymore. 
 
 “No. Not even -- no. No,” his widow replied. “I mean, he was sick and tired of what was going on, absolutely … and when he got the Parkinson's diagnosis, you know, I mean, in one sense, it was like this is it. This is what we've been -- we've been chasing something, now we found it. And we felt the sense of release and relief. But also, like, ‘Oh, my god, what does this mean?’ OK?” 
 
 The actor had already started to show symptoms – stiffness, slumping, shuffling gait and “losing his ability in his voice,” -- but there was more going on that no one knew about, Susan Williams said. 
 
 A coroner’s report said Williams had Lewy body dementia, a common but difficult-to-diagnose condition that may have contributed to his decision to commit suicide. 
 
 Williams said she was afraid for her husband’s physical safety, describing one incident where he hit his head so hard that he had deep gashes. 
 
 She was in the shower and saw him lingering at the sink. 
 
 “And something didn't seem right. And I opened up the door and there was blood. This towel was so soaked with blood and he was just dabbing his head,” she said. “And I just screamed, ‘Robin, what happened? What did you do?’ And he pointed to the door and I said, ‘Did you hit your head?’ And he nodded.” 
 
 ‘I GET IT, HONEY. I TOTALLY GET IT’ 
 
 She was scared, she said, by the “lack of affectation” in his eyes. It seemed as though he was “just disintegrating before my eyes,” she said. 
 
 When she asked him what happened, he replied: “I miscalculated.” 
 
 “And now, after a year of digging into what killed my husband, finding out all about Lewy body disease, lo and behold, one of the symptoms, their vision is affected. Spatially, depth, the ability to recognize, identify objects,” she said. 
 
 “And so now, over a year later I totally get it. I get it, honey. I totally get it. I don't think he was trying to hit his head on the door. I know that's right. And I know he was angry with himself and he was fed up with this and he was expressing anger.” 
 
 Asked whether he was spiraling out of control, Susan Williams said things were confused. 
 
 “It's one minute, totally lucid … And then five minutes later, he would say something that wasn't -- it didn't match,” she said. 
 
 Her husband was keeping it together as best he could. “But the last month he could not. It was like the dam broke,” she said. 
 
 That last week of his life, doctors were planning to check him into a facility for neurocognitive testing, Williams said. 
 
 Robach asked Susan Williams whether her husband’s suicide was his way of taking back control. 
 
 “In my opinion, oh, yeah,” she said. “I mean, there are many reasons. Believe me. I've thought about this. Of what was going on in his mind, what made him ultimately commit -- you know, to do that act. And I think he was just saying, ‘No.’ And I don't blame him one bit. I don't blame him one bit.” 
 
 **EDITOR’S NOTE: The story has been amended to clarify that Susan Williams discovered the full extent of Robin Williams’ medical condition only after an autopsy was conducted after the comedian’s 2014 death. It was through the autopsy findings that doctors determined Robin would have had “maybe three years left” to live, Susan Williams told ABC News. ||||| Aug. 11 marks the one-year anniversary of Robin Williams' death, and ET is looking at the squabble that his family is still engaged in over the late actor's estate. 
 
 "Robin Williams really spelled out his wishes in great detail to avoid this kind of problem that we're seeing," attorney Andrew Mayoras, co-author of Trial & Heirs: Famous Fortune Fights!, told ET. 
 
 Andrew A. Bassak, an attorney for Williams' children, agreed. 
 
 "His intention was to not have this in the court," Bassak told ET. "As an intensely private person, Mr. Williams wouldn't have wanted this, so that's troubling to the trustees." 
 
 Williams' widow Susan reportedly wants some of his personal items left inside the house that she received from the trust even though his three children were named as heirs, but that's only part of the dispute. 
 
 "The biggest fight is the amount of money that's going to go into trust to take care of Susan Schneider Williams and to pay for her to stay in that house for the rest of her life," Bassak said. 
 
 Susan reportedly wants a say in how much money she receives, even if it means going to court. 
 
 Meanwhile, one year later, Williams' death is still not easy to comprehend. Three months after Williams' suicide, ET spoke to his son Zak, who filled us in on how the family was healing after such a tragic loss. 
 
 "We're working hard to build our strength and acclimating to the new normal," Zak said at the time. "A large part of what we're doing through this grieving process is giving and spending time focusing on others." 
 
 Williams' legacy is certainly vast and his absence will continue to be felt for years. In addition to his illustrious acting career, for which he won one Oscar, five Golden Globes and two Emmys, he also had a legendary stand-up career that drew enormous audiences.
– More than a year after he took his own life, Robin Williams' widow is talking about his final days. In interviews with People and Good Morning America, Susan Williams says that it was Lewy Body Dementia or DLB, an incurable brain disease commonly associated with Parkinson's, that drove her husband to take his own life, though it was not diagnosed until after his death. "It was not depression that killed Robin," she tells People. "Depression was one of let's call it 50 symptoms and it was a small one." In the year before his death, Williams had dealt with other symptoms, including anxiety and impaired movement, as the couple struggled to figure out what was going on; in his final months, the symptoms became overwhelming. "I've spent this last year trying to find out what killed Robin," Williams says. "One of the doctors said, 'Robin was very aware that he was losing his mind and there was nothing he could do about it.'" "If Robin was lucky, he would've had maybe three years left," Williams tells ABC News. "And they would've been hard years. And it's a good chance he would've been locked up." During his final months, Williams was diagnosed with the early stages of Parkinson's, and things got worse: "My best friend was sinking," she says, "just disintegrating before my eyes." "One minute, totally lucid ... and then five minutes later, he would say something that wasn't—it didn't match." During the last month of his life, "he could not" keep it together, she says, but she notes that—though he did check into rehab during his final month—he had been sober for eight years when he died. On the night before he was found dead—during a week that he was supposed to check into a facility for neurocognitive testing—his last words to her were, "Goodnight, my love. Goodnight, goodnight." (Click for more from the ABC interview or the latest on Williams' estate battle.)