Speed 2 is what you would get if you crossed an episode of Chip and Pepper's cartoon madness and a ripe blood fart - a real piece of whale sh-t. Speed, although ridiculous and totally unrealistic, was a very enjoyable film. So much so, that when I was a lad after I saw Speed I secured a bomb to the bottom of my mother and father's stations wagon and held them hostage for 15 hours while they sped through the suburban streets of Gainsville, Tennessee. Oh, the poo poo of it all! Unfortunately, there was no Keanu to bail them out - although after the explosion they traded their heads and became zombie bounty hunters for the galaxy of blunk-do. That's a whole other story revolving around apes and the ancient race of Horps el Thwipples. Crazy sh-t. Anyhoo, Speed 2 was so bad that I rented a yacht from the local deli and drove it into the Vatican (Vatican Diner that is). Great cheese fries and gravy there. Very much in the vain of the Speed franchise. They named them the 'Whim of a mad fries and gravy man.' Every time you eat a fry the computer chip in it burns a frame of Speed 2 onto your skull. It makes you speak and communicate only in the language of Speed. For example. 'How do you like your burgr cooked?' Reply: 'Cans.' OR 'Would you like fries with that?' Answer: 'Don't get dead.' See? Wonderful isn't it? So just remember if you want to bleed from your ballhead and have Sandra Bullock's annoying face grafted to your skull then RENT this movie because otherwise: 'You're gonna pay me every dollar.'
Speed 2 is what you would get if you crossed an episode of Chip and Pepper's cartoon madness and a ripe blood fart - a real piece of whale sh-t. Speed, although ridiculous and totally unrealistic, was a very enjoyable film. So much so, that when I was a lad after I saw Speed I secured a bomb to the bottom of my mother and father's stations wagon and held them hostage for 15 hours while they sped through the suburban streets of Gainsville, Tennessee. Oh, the poo poo of it all! Unfortunately, there was no Keanu to bail them out - although after the explosion they traded their heads and became zombie bounty hunters for the galaxy of blunk-do. That's a whole other story revolving around apes and the ancient race of Horps el Thwipples. Crazy sh-t. Anyhoo, Speed 2 was so bad that I rented a yacht from the local deli and drove it into the Vatican (Vatican Diner that is). Great cheese fries and gravy there. Very much in the vain of the Speed franchise. They named them the 'Whim of a mad fries and gravy man. ' Every time you eat a fry the computer chip in it burns a frame of Speed 2 onto your skull. It makes you speak and communicate only in the language of Speed. For example. 'How do you like your burgr cooked? ' Reply: 'Cans. ' OR 'Would you like fries with that? ' Answer: 'Don't get dead. ' See? Wonderful isn't it? So just remember if you want to bleed from your ballhead and have Sandra Bullock's annoying face grafted to your skull then RENT this movie because otherwise: 'You're gonna pay me every dollar. '