(WARNING, SPOILERS!)

I always finish any series that I start. I can honestly say that I've never regretted this policy so much as when I was reading Robin Hobb's supposed "Assassin" books.

The problems that plagued Assassin's Apprentice remain. However, it Royal Assassin, a new problem has arisen, namely, the characterization. Molly is probably the best example. I could almost see the strings that Hobb was using to direct her bizarre actions to whatever she wanted her to do. She was like a puppet being directed around for the sake of setting up a ridiculous and melodramatic romance story that went nowhere. She breaks up with Fitz because of petty misunderstandings on both ends, he does more whining and angsting, he breaks into her room at night (!) to make sure that the Spoiled Palace Brat hasn't killed her, she catches him, and suddenly she forgives him everything and falls into his arms. (What is this? Twilight? Why do I keep reading authors who think that this creepy stalker behavior is so hot?)

Rinse and repeat. They develop a relationship that follows the same formulaic pattern throughout the book: Molly gets pissed off at Fitz, he angsts, he talks to her, and she suddenly melts into his arms and everything's okay, without any resolution as to why she is suddenly fine with what had previously driven her away from him. If this isn't the most golden hodgepodge of abrupt character development, horrendous dialogue, and bad writing in the world of literature, I don't know what is.

I counted seven(!!!) fade-to-black scenes in this book. Of course, they are all very modestly described. When one of them commenses, Fitz stops narrating what's happening and recites some obscure poetry, monologues that scream, "CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED." Hey, Mrs. Hobb, why not just say Fitz is having hawt secks and be done with it?

Of course, all that is just one example. Burrich, Kettricken, Shrewd, and Verity seem to have forsaken their traditional archetypes in favor of inconsistent behavior that makes them seem like more puppets on strings rather than actual characters. One shining example: The main characters' lives are threatened again and again, but they refuse to take action because, "The King didn't order it." Well, the King didn't exactly give his stamp of approval to you sleeping with one of the servants, did he, Fitz?

Another one of my favorite examples: It is repeatedly hammered into the heads of the readers that it is not possible to be a King's man and to have a wife or significant other at the same time. This is absurd. We know from Fitz's life that being a King's man does not require his 24/7 attention, and I think loyalty to your monarch is a good deal different from romantic pursuits on the side. Royal Assassin would have been better off with this preachy nonsense removed.

The plot is also screwed up. The beginning starts at a snail's pace, with little or no premise to the coming conflict save that the Raiders are still at it, and remains tortuously boring through half the book. Most of the plot consists of Fitz making his rounds to the different people of the Keep and chatting them up, with virtually no excitement happening save for some Forged Ones appearing around Buckkeep, which wasn't that exciting anyway.

"But," the bizarre fans of this series will argue, "this is a CHARACTER driven story! It's all about the intrigue!" Well, the intrigue isn't that good. You want to know what the intrigue in this book is about? Basically, 95% of all the "intrigue" in this book boils down to one of two things: Either the Red-Ships are causing trouble, or Prince Regal is up to no good. Even the few times I thought I glimpsed something that might be an original twist, it turned out that Regal was again the mastermind in the shadows.

Question raised: Why isn't the Skill working for Fitz? Is it because he tampered with forbidden magic?

Answer given: Nope. Regal had one of his cronies, Galen, damage it with his Skill.

Q: Why did Kettricken slip and fall on the stairs?

A: Regal greased them.

Q: Why was Verity able to leave on his quest so easily?

A: Regal supported this move so he could snatch the throne while Verity was gone.

Q: Why haven't the Skill messages from the coast reached Buckkeep in time?

A: Regal has taken control of the Skill network and is using it to his own ends.

Q: Why is King Shrewd wasting away? Sickness?

A: Nope. Regal had two of his minions skill-drain him.

Repeat this over and over again throughout the entire book: The Spoiled Palace Brat is behind everything. I wouldn't be surprised if, in the third book, it was revealed that he's secretly working with the Raiders.

In conclusion, Royal Assassin isn't any better than the first book, and if anything, worse. The last 50 pages were defintely the best in the book, but just weren't enough to make up for the +600 pages I suffered through to get to them. It was satisfying, however, to get to see the Spoiled Palace Brat beat the s**t out of the King of Angst at the end. ; )
(WARNING, SPOILERS! )

I always finish any series that I start. I can honestly say that I've never regretted this policy so much as when I was reading Robin Hobb's supposed "Assassin" books. The problems that plagued Assassin's Apprentice remain. However, it Royal Assassin, a new problem has arisen, namely, the characterization. Molly is probably the best example. I could almost see the strings that Hobb was using to direct her bizarre actions to whatever she wanted her to do. She was like a puppet being directed around for the sake of setting up a ridiculous and melodramatic romance story that went nowhere. She breaks up with Fitz because of petty misunderstandings on both ends, he does more whining and angsting, he breaks into her room at night (! ) to make sure that the Spoiled Palace Brat hasn't killed her, she catches him, and suddenly she forgives him everything and falls into his arms. (What is this? Twilight? Why do I keep reading authors who think that this creepy stalker behavior is so hot? )

Rinse and repeat. They develop a relationship that follows the same formulaic pattern throughout the book: Molly gets pissed off at Fitz, he angsts, he talks to her, and she suddenly melts into his arms and everything's okay, without any resolution as to why she is suddenly fine with what had previously driven her away from him. If this isn't the most golden hodgepodge of abrupt character development, horrendous dialogue, and bad writing in the world of literature, I don't know what is. I counted seven(!!! ) fade-to-black scenes in this book. Of course, they are all very modestly described. When one of them commenses, Fitz stops narrating what's happening and recites some obscure poetry, monologues that scream, "CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED. " Hey, Mrs. Hobb, why not just say Fitz is having hawt secks and be done with it? Of course, all that is just one example. Burrich, Kettricken, Shrewd, and Verity seem to have forsaken their traditional archetypes in favor of inconsistent behavior that makes them seem like more puppets on strings rather than actual characters. One shining example: The main characters' lives are threatened again and again, but they refuse to take action because, "The King didn't order it. " Well, the King didn't exactly give his stamp of approval to you sleeping with one of the servants, did he, Fitz? Another one of my favorite examples: It is repeatedly hammered into the heads of the readers that it is not possible to be a King's man and to have a wife or significant other at the same time. This is absurd. We know from Fitz's life that being a King's man does not require his 24/7 attention, and I think loyalty to your monarch is a good deal different from romantic pursuits on the side. Royal Assassin would have been better off with this preachy nonsense removed. The plot is also screwed up. The beginning starts at a snail's pace, with little or no premise to the coming conflict save that the Raiders are still at it, and remains tortuously boring through half the book. Most of the plot consists of Fitz making his rounds to the different people of the Keep and chatting them up, with virtually no excitement happening save for some Forged Ones appearing around Buckkeep, which wasn't that exciting anyway. "But," the bizarre fans of this series will argue, "this is a CHARACTER driven story! It's all about the intrigue! " Well, the intrigue isn't that good. You want to know what the intrigue in this book is about? Basically, 95% of all the "intrigue" in this book boils down to one of two things: Either the Red-Ships are causing trouble, or Prince Regal is up to no good. Even the few times I thought I glimpsed something that might be an original twist, it turned out that Regal was again the mastermind in the shadows. Question raised: Why isn't the Skill working for Fitz? Is it because he tampered with forbidden magic? Answer given: Nope. Regal had one of his cronies, Galen, damage it with his Skill. Q: Why did Kettricken slip and fall on the stairs? A: Regal greased them. Q: Why was Verity able to leave on his quest so easily? A: Regal supported this move so he could snatch the throne while Verity was gone. Q: Why haven't the Skill messages from the coast reached Buckkeep in time? A: Regal has taken control of the Skill network and is using it to his own ends. Q: Why is King Shrewd wasting away? Sickness? A: Nope. Regal had two of his minions skill-drain him. Repeat this over and over again throughout the entire book: The Spoiled Palace Brat is behind everything. I wouldn't be surprised if, in the third book, it was revealed that he's secretly working with the Raiders. In conclusion, Royal Assassin isn't any better than the first book, and if anything, worse. The last 50 pages were defintely the best in the book, but just weren't enough to make up for the +600 pages I suffered through to get to them. It was satisfying, however, to get to see the Spoiled Palace Brat beat the s**t out of the King of Angst at the end. ; )