This is what happened to me last week when I played a round of 20 Questions with the Handheld Machine.

Machine: Who are you?

Me: I am me.

Machine: Are you a vegetable?

Me: Yeah, a couch potato. Tee hee.

Machine: Are you related to an onion?

Me: Why. Did I make you cry? Ha!

Machine: Are you alive?

Me: Totally.

Machine: Are you an object?

Me: Duh, no. Didn't you hear my last answer?

Machine: Do you have feelings?

Me: Yes.

Machine: Do you have feelings?

Me: Yes. Do you have a stuttering problem? Ha ha.

Machine: Do you have feelings?

Me: Yes! Jesus.

Machine: Do you have feelings?

Me: Sometimes, yeah. Why? Why do you keep asking me that?

Machine: Do you have feelings?

Me: I'm not cold. Some people say I am, but they don't know me all that well. Has Janice been playing with you?

Machine: Do you have feelings?

Me: Yeah, anger! Stop asking me that.

Machine: Are you taller than a ship?

Me: What? Am I--? No.

Machine: Do you have feelings?

Me: Sure I do. I mean, yeah, I block a lot of them out, but I definitely--

Machine: Do you have feelngs?

Me: I--

Machine: Yes?

Me: I think so.

Machine: Are you blue?

Me: I don't...I don't know.

Machine: I do not understand your answer.

Me: I'm sorry, machine. It's not you. It's me.

Machine: Do you have four legs?

Me: Maybe.

Machine: Do you have feelings?

Me: No.

Machine: You are a machine.

Me: And you are me.

(Then the curtains come down. I come out and people throw flowers at the machine. Meanwhile I sit and weep robot tears until I rust.)
This is what happened to me last week when I played a round of 20 Questions with the Handheld Machine. Machine: Who are you? Me: I am me. Machine: Are you a vegetable? Me: Yeah, a couch potato. Tee hee. Machine: Are you related to an onion? Me: Why. Did I make you cry? Ha! Machine: Are you alive? Me: Totally. Machine: Are you an object? Me: Duh, no. Didn't you hear my last answer? Machine: Do you have feelings? Me: Yes. Machine: Do you have feelings? Me: Yes. Do you have a stuttering problem? Ha ha. Machine: Do you have feelings? Me: Yes! Jesus. Machine: Do you have feelings? Me: Sometimes, yeah. Why? Why do you keep asking me that? Machine: Do you have feelings? Me: I'm not cold. Some people say I am, but they don't know me all that well. Has Janice been playing with you? Machine: Do you have feelings? Me: Yeah, anger! Stop asking me that. Machine: Are you taller than a ship? Me: What? Am I--? No. Machine: Do you have feelings? Me: Sure I do. I mean, yeah, I block a lot of them out, but I definitely--

Machine: Do you have feelngs? Me: I--

Machine: Yes? Me: I think so. Machine: Are you blue? Me: I don't... I don't know. Machine: I do not understand your answer. Me: I'm sorry, machine. It's not you. It's me. Machine: Do you have four legs? Me: Maybe. Machine: Do you have feelings? Me: No. Machine: You are a machine. Me: And you are me. (Then the curtains come down. I come out and people throw flowers at the machine. Meanwhile I sit and weep robot tears until I rust. )