At my school we respect NY State guidance and follow students' wishes in terms of names and gender.As a parent, I do struggle with the idea of name/pro noun change without parents' knowledge and I work hard to open up those lines of communication. But the bottom line is, these young people are struggling with something, and being unconditionally accepted and loved by their school community is very healing, no matter what the eventual outcome. I think it is vital that we don't overreact when when a student asks for a name and/or pronoun change and that we just quietly (but not legally)support their wishes. If we do, one of two things will happen: if this is a phase, the phase will be shorter. If the young person is not required to defend, prove, debate his or her identity, then there will be far less shame in changing their minds. None of us react well when we are backed into corners, least of all adolescents.Alternatively, if the young person is truly transgender, then this response ensures that they were treated with respect, care and dignity from day one. And they will continue to be encouraged to share this fundamental truth with their parents.Unsurprisingly it is often the kind of parent who finds this approach outrageous that young people fear sharing their true selves with. Stop listening to the rampant fear mongering around this issue, and start listening, really listening, with open hearts and open minds to your kids. If you do, there will be less to fear.

At my school we respect NY State guidance and follow students' wishes in terms of names and gender.As a parent, I do struggle with the idea of name/pro noun change without parents' knowledge and I work hard to open up those lines of communication. But the bottom line is, these young people are struggling with something, and being unconditionally accepted and loved by their school community is very healing, no matter what the eventual outcome. I think it is vital that we don't overreact when when a student asks for a name and/or pronoun change and that we just quietly (but not legally)support their wishes. If we do, one of two things will happen: if this is a phase, the phase will be shorter. If the young person is not required to defend, prove, debate his or her identity, then there will be far less shame in changing their minds. None of us react well when we are backed into corners, least of all adolescents.Alternatively, if the young person is truly transgender, then this response ensures that they were treated with respect, care and dignity from day one. And they will continue to be encouraged to share this fundamental truth with their parents.Unsurprisingly it is often the kind of parent who finds this approach outrageous that young people fear sharing their true selves with. Stop listening to the rampant fear mongering around this issue, and start listening, really listening, with open hearts and open minds to your kids. If you do, there will be less to fear.

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