▁your ▁n arc iss istic ▁night m are ▁that ▁at ▁times ▁you ▁feel ▁like ▁you ▁are ▁tra pped ▁in ▁a ▁suic idal ▁black ▁hole ▁facing ▁psych ic ▁death ." ▁ ▁Then ▁he ▁says ▁what ▁it ' s ▁really ▁like ▁in ▁a ▁gay ▁bar : ▁" Out s iders ▁have ▁an ▁image ▁that ▁gay ▁bars ▁and ▁' ha un ts ' ▁are ▁filled ▁with ▁anonymous ▁str angers , ▁rep lic ant ▁cl ones ▁eager ▁to ▁plug ▁into ▁each ▁other ▁and ▁then ▁split . ▁Not ▁so . ▁Gay ▁people ▁are ▁not ▁anonymous ▁but ▁pro ton onymous : ▁We ▁know ▁each ▁other ▁by ▁our ▁first ▁names ▁and ▁are ▁eager ▁and ▁quick ▁to ▁learn ▁them . ▁In ▁the ▁military ▁you ▁can ▁be ▁known ▁forever ▁by ▁your ▁last ▁name , ▁but ▁in ▁the ▁gay ▁world ▁your ▁first ▁name ▁is ▁your ▁magic ▁name . ▁The ▁network ▁of ▁first - name ▁friend ships ▁extends ▁everywhere : ▁I ▁know ▁Mich a els ▁all ▁over ▁the ▁world , ▁from ▁Al pha ▁Michael ▁to ▁Om ega ▁Michael . ▁Can ▁we ▁talk ? ▁The ▁main ▁reason ▁guys ▁go ▁to ▁gay ▁bars ▁is ▁to ▁talk ▁and ▁have ▁ ▁a ▁social ▁experience ." ▁ ▁While ▁at ▁Gay Life , ▁Dam ski ▁became ▁a ▁close ▁friend ▁of ▁the ▁paper ' s ▁sales ▁manager , ▁Bob ▁Be arden . ▁During ▁ 1 9 8 5 , ▁financial ▁resources ▁at ▁Gay Life ▁became ▁increasing ly ▁tight . ▁Dam ski ▁was ▁dropped ▁by ▁the ▁paper ▁in ▁March , ▁and ▁his ▁editor ▁Albert ▁Williams ▁left ▁in ▁May . ▁A ▁few ▁months