▁a ▁ 1 9 7 9 ▁report ▁from ▁Hill c rest ▁School ▁which ▁documents ▁Love ▁as ▁sc ream ing ▁and ▁swe aring ▁about ▁bugs ▁(" Ref used ▁to ▁be ▁reasonable , ▁[...] ▁She ▁became ▁l ou der ▁and ▁more ▁ins istent ") ▁texts ▁about ▁her ▁late ▁husband ' s ▁suic ide , ▁like ▁an ▁April ▁ 1 7 , ▁ 1 9 9 4 ▁journal ▁entry ▁(" Ex actly ▁one ▁month ▁ago ▁today ▁was ▁the ▁last ▁time ▁I ▁made ▁love ▁with ▁my ▁husband . ▁I ▁cook ed ▁him ▁dinner . ▁We ▁spent ▁four ▁hours ▁in ▁the ▁play room ▁with ▁Frances . ▁We ▁saw ▁' Sch ind ler ' s ▁List .' ▁It ▁made ▁us ▁fright ened ▁for ▁life ▁and ▁we ▁saw ▁the ▁value ▁of ▁life . ▁Our ▁conv ict ions ▁we ▁defined ▁until ▁ 4 ▁a . m . ▁and ▁we ▁fell ▁as leep ▁in ▁each ▁other ' s ▁arms ▁and ▁w oke ▁up ▁that ▁way ▁in ▁the ▁morning "), ▁plus ▁one ▁note ▁adm itting ▁that ▁"[ K urt ' s ▁ 1 9 9 4 ▁alco hol ▁and ▁R oh yp n ol ▁over d ose ▁in ] ▁Rome ▁was ▁a ▁huge ▁cover - up ", ▁meaning ▁that ▁it ▁was ▁actually ▁a ▁suic ide ▁attempt . ▁ ▁The ▁material ▁contains ▁an ▁e - mail ▁exchange ▁with ▁L inds ay ▁L oh an ▁about ▁negative ▁press ▁coverage , ▁comments ▁about ▁the ▁J T ▁Le Ro y ' s ▁ho ax ▁( she ▁ex changed ▁e - mail s ▁with ▁" him " ▁for