Revealed... Surviving the divorce of your parents
What’s the best sort of family? It's a question the main political parties have been arguing about all week. The latest divorce figures are out next week so it’s not set to go away.
By Charlotte AshtonRevealed presenter But does it matter if your parents don't live together? How do you cope if they get divorced? And what's it like if it gets dragged through the courts? That's what Revealed… the BBC News programme for teenagers is asking this week on the BBC Two Switch zone. Divorce rate More than 100,000 under-16s see their parents separate every year and that's not including parents who weren't married in the first place. At 270,000 weddings, the UK's marriage rate has never been lower. The divorce rate has also been falling for more than 25 years, but it's still nearly half the number of people getting married. 'Traumatic experience' Relationship expert Leezah Hertzmann from the Tavistock Centre for Couple Relationships says divorce is one of the most traumatic experiences a young person can have. She says feelings of guilt are common. "To tell a parent about the time they've had with the other parent can be really difficult. They don’t want to tell dad 'I had a really great time with mum' or 'Mum's got a new partner'. "The thing to remember is that it's never your fault. Your parents aren't telling you it's not your fault because they're probably too caught up in all the rows. "So any young person is going to think, 'It's something I've done'. That can be very damaging." Leezah says it's important to talk to your friends if you're parents are divorcing. Don't bottle it up. But 17-year-old Evie from Saffron Walden says that wasn't easy. Her parents broke up last year. "I wasn't embarrassed, I just didn't want it to be a portrayal of our family generally. "I think if I'd had someone completely detached from family and friends that would have been a nice thing because I could have got my own feelings out." Can divorce be good? Despite the upheaval of divorce, Evie says it was the best thing for the family in the end. Tallie and Sam, both 17 from Oundle, say the same. Both sets of parents split up three years ago but they still speak regularly and are happier now. Tallie and Sam dismiss research that shows the children of divorced parents are considerably less likely to do well at school. They both got straight A*s at GCSE and say it's more important which school you go to and who your friends are. More money for married couples So should politicians support marriage with tax breaks? That's at the centre of the current political row about families. The Conservatives say that if they get to power married couples will pay less tax. Labour says it supports marriage, but doesn't think it should be recognised in the tax system. The Tories have accused Labour of stealing their policy on grandparents - changing the law so that if parents split up, grandparents will not have to go to court to apply for contact with the children. Labour say dads also need more support to encourage families to stay together. They've produced a new booklet with advice on how to be a good father, which every new dad will receive from March. The Liberal Democrats say this is all a waste of money and that improving education is the best way to support children. Revealed…. Surviving their Divorce is on BBC Two on Saturday 23 January at 1.40pm