Cancer in Nigeria: 'My wife go still dey alive if to say she get cancer treatment'
My journey to widowerhood begin three years ago for di office of oncologist - medical sabi pesin - for Nigeria capital, Abuja.
If to say my wife, Grace, don follow di doctor advice instead to go dey find solution from religious healers, I believe say she for don survive breast cancer and still be with me and our three-year-old daughter. She bin don go do test for one big lump inside her breast and di doctor say dem see wetin dem dey call "invasive carcinoma". I no understand wetin e mean that time and e explain say dis "di tumour dey cancerous and we need to begin di process of managing it sharpaly to avoid spread". Fear catch Grace and she look weak, and I remember say I collect our baby - wey bin just one month old that time - from her hand as I bin fear wetin she fit do next. Solution bin dey But di specialist tell us say wit treatment she go survive. E advise make we do chemotherapy and maybe mastectomy, or surgery to comot her breasts. I try to believe say solution go dey so that I go still live life with Grace, wey I just begin date one year before that day. Andrew met Grace afta e help am settle mata she bin get wit bus conductor We first meet for bus park for Abuja. She bin dey drag mata wit di conductor wey charge her too much for her luggage and I try to calm di situation. No so we begin tok through di journey and we exchange numbers. I bin dey 33 years old dat time and dey feel very lonely. As first son, dem dey always remind me say as pesin wey come from eastern Nigeria, I suppose follow tradition to marry when I dey young, but my junior siblings don already do dia own. Still, I wait for some months before I connect with Grace, only to realise say we dey live close to oursef. We come dey very close and agree say we go marry each oda. But 13 months after our wedding na im di cancer diagnosis land we dormot. Free cancer treatment no dey here and Grace medical insurance no cover di money for am, I make plans to borrow. In total di bill come to 600,000 naira ($1,500; £1,200) and I collect loan to pay for di first round of treatment. My worst ever decision But on my way to di pharmacy to buy di first set of chemotherapy melecine, Grace call me to say she no wan do medical treatment. Say she get faith say God go heal her. She tell me say di chemotherapy go kill di good cells for di body and di cancer ones join, and she prefer to trust religion. E dey true say di drugs fit damage healthy cells, but experts say di damage no dey last. I try to convince Grace to change her mind, but she don conclude finish say she no go gree, so I decide say we go find alternative solutions - di worst decision I ever make. Most Nigerians dey very religious and when e come to health mata, many prefer to find help from religious places instead make dem go hospital. Di decision of Grace to refuse chemotherapy dey informed by di advice wey friends and family give her. Many pipo for Nigeria believe say e fit kill pesin, and fear begin catch Grace. She later agree to do operation so as to comot di tumour but dis one na temporary solution as di cancer come back wit force. My wife na very strong woman and she bear di pain for two years as she no see doctor. Although we visit plenty church and prayer centres dem, including to see di famous prophet TB Joshua, yet solution no come. Most of dis healers collect money and promise miracles. Some tell Grace say di day wey she go step inside hospital na di day she go die. We even go di way of traditional treatments wey friends and family recommend give us. No fit mention cancer We pray togeda and do regular exercise, she take herbs and fruits, and she no touch some oda food and yet di pain no end. I try to convince her to follow doctor tok but she refused. Even when she go for malaria treatment for hospital, she tear me warning say make I no mention di cancer. By June last year, e don dey clear say she dey lose weight and she don dey weak. Then for July, her health become worse so tey I get no option but to take her to di hospital as she bin dey struggle to breath and she no fit stand up. Di first two hospitals we try go no gree accept her, but di third one say dem go manage her case. How you fit spot breast cancer Di most common sign of breast cancer na lump or thick sometin inside di breast - but oda symptoms dey. Dis include: Oda conditions fit cause dis symptoms, so e dey important to see doctor if you find any lump for your breast. Source: The UK's National Health Service Test confam say di cancer don spread, including to di second breast, her lungs and her bones. And di doctor tell me say no treatment fit save her. Chemotherapy na im dem recommend give us to manage di situation and Grace accept am. But between July and November she bin dey enter, dey comot hospital many times. Sometimes na inside my car wey dey parked for di hospital I bin dey live. When I wake up for early morning, I go bath for place wey pipo no fit see me and from dia wear cloth to go office. At dis time, although di mata tire Grace mama, she give me plenty support. Many times wen I dey work, di doctors go call to tell me say Grace get seizure and I need to rush come di hospital. I enter igbese in order to pay hospital bills, but I bin make sure say money no go be reason to get medical treatment wey no good. Na after 13 months of marriage na im Andrew and Grace get news of cancer I see say our daughter, Princess Gold MmesomaChukwu, wey bin dey stay for our friend house, dey also suffer because she miss her mama embrace. I take Princess go hospital one time, but I see say wetin she take eye see trouble her well-well and she no dey sure how to react. Finally, for November, Grace painful headache show to us say di cancer don spread enter her brain and she go into coma and no wake up again. She die at di age of 33. E pain me well-well to taste di sweetness of marriage only to come lose am like dis. I dey lonely, depressed and I find am hard to concentrate. Na every day I dey cry. You fit wan read dis oda tori: I start Facebook page in di memory of Grace and try to raise awareness about cancer because e look to me like say many for Nigeria no too sabi about am. Pipo need to know more about di best way to manage di disease and more money dey needed to spread di message to ordinary pipo. I still hear tori, including dat of di wife of my friend, of how pipo wan use religious healing take replace chemotherapy. Yes, religion and out traditions get very big role to play for our lives, but dis one no suppose come at di cost of di life of our loved one.