'I dey 28 years and I neva get orgasm before'
I get my own crib - na just one bedroom flat but e posh. I dey play ball every Wednesday wit my friends dem, afta which we dey comot go guzzle beer. I dey wear suit go work and wen I sight mysef inside mirror I dey reason say guy 'You look normal...'
Dis tori contain some sexual yarns wey only adults suppose read But I no feel say I normal. I dey suffer from anorgasmia- condition wey mean say you no fit reach orgasm no mata how much dem ginger you. According to report, 25% of men no dey release wen dem make love. Anorgasmia wia pesin no fit come wit e sexual partner, dey happun for different reasons. Sometimes na physical problem and sometimes na mind problem like my own. I dey 12 years wen one of our family friend sexually attack me and I tink say because of dat experience I neva fit reach orgasm wit anoda pesin. E don stop me from entering any serious relationship since I be teenager and I don dey reason say e no go ever happun for me. Wen I dey young, I dey pretend say e no mata say I go sort di issue wen time reach. I go cari girls go house, we go sex but I go lose my erection and di mata go come make us feel somehow afta we finish. Some of di girls go use am joke say dem don 'hit jackpot' jam guy wey fit go on and on but afta some months di mata go come tire dem say I no dey ever come. Dem go begin reason say dem no dey satisfy me and wen I try tell dem say no be dem, dem go wan sabi wetin di problem be and I bin never ready to share my tori. I don make love for close to two hours before, but make I no lie, by dat time, both of us don dey dey frustrated. I don ignore di mata for too long and my friends dem don start to dey settle down, marry but I still dey single. Wen I reason di mata to date new pesin and di way dem go look me wen dem find out say I get problem, e dey too much for me, though say I go spend my whole life alone too much to bear. Di first time I know say I get beta problem na wen I try make love to one girl wen I be 17 years old. Both of us be virgin and e feel lik say I love her. Although I don start to dey masturbate at di age of 13, half of di time I no dey release even though I dey turned on. I bin tink say wen I dey wit girl every tin go correct imsef. Di first time me and di girl sex na for afternoon one Saturday. I remember am well-well- di sun bin dey enter through di window for her bedroom, her parents travel for di weekend- we don plan every tin and body bin dey sweet us. Everytin start normal, we kiss, we touch, until I start to dey reason 'what if I no fit do am? What if I don damage? I no even know why, but I come dey worry na so I lose my erection. We continue to dey try but I just dey soft dey stop. Na di next morning na im we manage to make love finally, dis time I hold my erection but afta 30 minutes I no know wetin to do again and I know say I no go come and I go soft again na so I fake say I come. I no know if she believe me but she be like say she dey okay wit di whole tin. Since den I don fake am several times as women dey dey offended if I no cum as if e no happun na because I no find dem attractive, so I dey pretend say I release instead make I try explain give dem say I get dis problem. Over di years I don try use blue film solve di problem. I discover say if I masturbate wen I dey watch am I dey fit come by myself sometimes. E almost be like say di feem dey make me stop to dey reason too much but just focus on wetin I dey feel. As I grow older I discover say I don dey too dey rely on blue feem and e no dey make me connect wen I dey wit oda pipo. I don reason weda make I ask my girl if I fit watch porn wit her as we dey get down, but as e be say I never really date any pesin for long, e no feel right to ask. If e be pesin wey I trust and know wella now, e go different. Recently I don try tok wit some of my friends about di mata and I discover say plenti of dem get tori to tell about how dem too don struggle to cum or get erection. But even as dem dey tell me say dem don experience am too before e dey hard me well-well to tell dem say my own problem na on a deeper level. I go see one therapist few weeks ago wey dey specialise on sex and trauma. We don dey tok as I try to describe how I dey feel wen I dey aroused. I neva fit put di feeling into word before, but na like say as I begin to feel aroused, dis fear wit di thought say 'everytin go go wrong now' dey swim for my head. For long, I feel so alone because of wetin dey happun to me. E dey common to read say women dey struggle to reach orgasm but no be men. Or if na men sef, e no dey get anytin to do wit emotional problem. For plenti years I bin feel like say na only me dey pass through dis problem, but my tok wit di therapist don make me see say far from am, no be only me dey experience am. I don settle my mind to di fact say I fit no ever ejaculate wit anoda pesin, but I also tink say maybe I never allow mysef to really trust or get close to someone. In di meantime, I go stop to dey date until I find out wetin exactly I dey for inside my partner. E no make me sad - e feel like say na di first step to recovery be dis. Di tori na as dem yarn am give Alexandra Jones