Ray Gravell: Daughter tells of 10 years without dad
When former rugby star Ray Gravell died of a heart attack in 2007 at the age of 56, it was not just the sporting community that seemed to grieve, but the whole nation.
By Gwyneth ReesBBC Wales News For decades, the Wales and Lions centre had captivated the public, first in his antics on the field, and later as an exuberant broadcaster in both Welsh and English. His genial nature, unfailing patriotism and catchphrase "tip top" cemented him firmly into Welsh culture. And when news of his untimely death broke, tributes rang out from across the world, praising his strength, bravery and dignity both on and off the pitch. Yet, despite a nation's sadness, it was his wife Mari, and daughters, Manon and Gwenan who undoubtedly suffered most. For his girls - then aged just 12 and nine respectively - losing their dad, while on a family holiday to Calpe, on Spain's east coast - was indescribably painful. Recalling that period a decade on, Manon, 22, said: "It was such an awful and lonely time. "There was no way to deal with such loss. I was angry and emotional and didn't know what feeling was normal. "My sister too didn't know how to feel or act. None of us did. "I responded by trying to take on the roles and responsibilities of my dad. "I became far too protective of my mum and sister and did far too much, but I wanted to make the fact dad had left that tiny bit smaller." But trying to fill her father's shoes would be an uphill struggle. For Gravell - widely known as Grav - was a formidable sportsman, playing for the 1972 Llanelli side which famously beat the All Blacks, and winning 23 caps for his country. A key player in the Grand Slam and Triple Crown-winning Welsh teams of the late 1970s and 80s, he also toured with the British Lions to South Africa in 1980. Yet, beyond his barnstorming rugby talent, it was his personality that marked him out. A hard man with a gentle nature, he showed great warmth and respect for opponents, making many friendships that continued long after he had hung up his boots in 1985. It was this warmth and humour that made his subsequent career as a broadcaster and actor so successful. More fluent in Welsh than English, he became known for his witty observations, with his "west is best" slogan in reference to his Carmarthenshire roots, becoming the hallmark of his television and radio appearances. Not even his later battle with diabetes, which saw his lower right leg amputated, could dampen his spirits. Manon said: "He was larger than life, he was so fun and interesting and always had a laugh. "I think that's why people loved him so much. "He always made you feel like you were a part of the family even if he'd only met you once. "And his auburn beard made him easy to recognise, so people felt like they knew him." But as horrific as the experience of losing a father was, the pain for Manon and her sister was exacerbated by a lack of support. Recalling the difficult years following his death, Manon said: "Dealing with the grief and loneliness was so hard, that I was desperate for support. "I rang some charities but was repeatedly told I was too young and to ring back when I was older. "It was clear there was no support out there to help children deal with loss. "Friends didn't know how to help, and when I tried to get counselling, I was told there was an 18-month waiting list." It was going through this experience that made Manon and Gwenan decide that one day, when they were older, they would launch their own charity to fill the gap. And two years ago, in Manon's second year at university, they finally fulfilled this dream by launching Project 13. The online charity is a forum where children can post their stories of loss to share with others. It also provides children and families with links to local counsellors or mental health providers. "People use it for all sorts of reasons," explained Manon. "Some children share their stories of loss, but the vast majority simply read other stories and hopefully gain some comfort from knowing they are not alone. "It's a way to share feelings and make the loneliness a tiny bit less. "Mainly it's designed for children, but sometimes adults get in touch to thank us for providing such a service." For Manon, Project 13 is a passion, which she does on top of her busy day job as a paediatric nurse in Cardiff. It is also very successful - getting 75,000 hits in the first year alone. She said: "It's so important that other children get the support I didn't. "In my day job, I see lots of mental health issues affecting children. Grief, loss, loneliness and depression are massive problems. "It's great people like Prince William and Harry are talking more about it, but there is a long way to go." For Manon herself, dealing with her own grief throughout the past decade has not been easy. She said: "Obviously, the first years were very difficult, but about six years after dad's death, I went through a period of being in a very low mood. "I wouldn't say it was a mental breakdown or any illness that could be diagnosed. "I think I was just beginning to realise the milestones he would miss, me and my sister graduating from school and university or getting married." Now though, on the tenth anniversary of her father's death, Manon is in a better place. She said: "It is still strange waking up in the morning and him not being there, or not hearing his voice on the radio. "It will never be normal, but I have accepted it and have good memories of him. "He was always obsessed with his voice sounding good on the radio or TV and I remember him standing in front of the mirror singing 'do, re, mi' to warm-up. "I can think of him and smile, so that's good." What does she feel her father would think of his daughters' charity work? "I think he would be very proud of us," she said. "Dad had his own troubles before he died, what with his diabetes. But he always had mam to lean on. "He used to sing a song to her called Yr Angor, which was about her being his anchor. "So I think he'd be pleased that we were trying to provide others with anchors." On Tuesday, Manon and her family will be marking Gravell's death at Parc y Scarlets, the Llanelli rugby ground, with an event organised by The Ray Gravell and Friends Charitable Trust. To date, the charity has raised more than £1m for good causes. Manon said: "We will be looking out on the pitch, thinking of him tearing down it in his bright red number 13 shirt. "We all still miss him every day, but at least with Project 13 and the other charity work, some good has come out of his death. "He would be pleased about that."