conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Write me a song called Stu with the following description: This parody of Eminem’s “Stan” begins with various elves at the North Pole (Chloe Fineman, Kyle Mooney, and Beck Bennett) reading out kids' letters to Santa Claus (Jason Bateman). They get to one from an obsessed fan named Stu (Pete Davidson) who becomes more violent and unhinged as he demands a PlayStation 5 for Christmas. The hook is variously sung by Dido (Kate McKinnon) and Elton John (Bowen Yang), and the sketch features a kicker by Eminem (who plays himself). Make sure the lyrics are different from the original song.
conversations.from: gpt
conversations.value: [Intro Skit: Chloe Fineman, 
  Jason Bateman
  , 
  Kyle Mooney
   & 
  Beck Bennet
  ]
  "But the thing I want more than anything in the whole world is a new bike. Love, Chase."
  Ho ho ho! What a good boy! Let's give him that bike and a helmet!
  Good thinking, Santa!
  Oh, and here's one from Emily. "Dear Santa, this year I want a Disney princess mirror!"
  That's exactly what she'll get, huh? Who's next? Rupert?
  Um --
  Rupert, what is it?
  It's just, heh, mine's a little weird
  I'm sure it's not that weird. Just read it!
  Um, okay. But it starts normal enough. Dear Santa:
  [Verse 1: Stu]
  Dear Santa, I can't believe the year is almost over
  It's getting colder, I'm a year older, but I'm still your soldier
  You're my hero because you always bring me the assist
  So once again we're back to zero, here we go, my Christmas list
  I won't be greedy or needy or ask you for too much
  Just want one thing and hope you still got that magic touch
  'Cause gettin' this present is the only thing keeping me alive
  Dear Santa Claus, please bring me a PS5
  I tried to buy one at Wal-Mart, ran around the shopping mall like Paul Blart
  Tried to find one on sale, but the thing is that they're all out
  Yo, I even went to a GameStop
  , but then I was like " Oh, Wait, stop!
  "Santa Claus can make one, the man got his own workshop."
  I know you prob'ly hear this every day, but you got a cool hat
  I love that movie you did with Will Ferrell, man, 
  Elf
   was phat
  Anyways, I love the things you do
  Don't forget, bring my gift, truly yours, I believe in you
  This is Stu [Hook: Elves]
  La la la la la la la
  La la la la la
  [Verse 2: Stu]
  Dear Santa, I noticed you never wrote me a letter back
  That's fine, dawg, except not really, I think that's kinda wack
  If you can't help your biggest fan, then you should just retire
  Or next time you slide down my chimney, I'll set your ass on fire
  Just playin', I still love you, my girl thinks that I'm obsessed
  I even got a tattoo of your name across my chest
  Just bring that PS5, bro, if it's the only thing you do
  Sincerely yours, Stu—P.S. We should live together, too
  Dido
  [Hook: Dido]
  Stu is waiting for his surprise
  To open up a PS5
  He just really wants to play
  Assassin's Creed
   on Christmas Day
  But he can't buy it himself because he lost his job
  'Cause he was stealing from his boss
  I'd be worried 'cause he's a scary guy
  A scary guy
  [Hook: Elves]
  Special delivery!
  La la la la la la la
  La la la la la [Verse 3: Stu]
  Dear Mr. Holly-Jolly-Two-Faced-Son-of-a-Bitch
  I hope you crash your sleigh and wind up face-down in a ditch
  I guess even the great Saint Nick can't track down a PS5
  Hey Santa, I drank a fifth of eggnog, dare me to drive?
  You ruined Christmas! I wish I never told you what was on my wishlist!
  Screw you, your elves, your stupid beard, and your 
  bitch tits!
  So this'll be my last letter, I know you'll miss me when I'm gone
  Sincerely yours, Stu!
  Ladies and gentlemen, Sir Elton John
  [Hook: Elton John]
  This year, Christmas will be bad
  'Cause Santa sucks and Stu is sad
  Already asked you very nicely
  And now he's really pissed off
  I'm just telling you
  'Cause I like you a lot
  I'm a big fan of Santa Claus
  And I also want a PS5
  A PS5
  [Spoken Outro]
  [ELF 1]
  Santa, this is serious! [RUPERT]
  Don't panic, don't panic!
  [ELF 1]
  I'm freaking out! Aaaah!
  [SANTA]
  All right, all right, all right! I think it's time I write a letter back to Stu
  "Dear Stu, I think you got the wrong address, bro. I'm not Santa Claus. Bye-bye!"
  [ELF 2]
  Damn!
  [EMINEM]
  What's this? "To Shady, from Santa." That's crazy! A PS5? I didn't even ask for this. I guess Shady must've been a good boy this year. Sorry, Stu. You f***** up