Yes, very well said!!! For normal kids, parents don't ever resort to anything beyond "normal" parenting but for kids with extra anxiety (or whatever the issue is), it is SO EASY for parents to get stuck in a downward spiral trying to deal with it and end up frustrated, EXHAUSTED, feeling helpless, etc.
Ok that makes sense! I have more than one challenging child and one most definitely tends towards anxiety. I have been there with a "whatever works right now mentality". So in other words what works temporarily for anxiety is actually what makes it worse in the long run and that is the difference. Might be extremely relative advice for me in the near future!
I think it is normal approach for a child who has normal fears like every child, but not necessarily for a child whose fears are fueled and fed by anxiety. How does a parent react when that fear doesn't go away in a "normal timeframe with normal parent help" and gets bigger and spreads? I'm sure some people do start doing things that make life easier for everyone, but which isn't necessarily beneficial longterm. Most do not seek treatment for their children's anxiety unless and until it becomes extreme - affecting parents' or child's life or school issues and at that point it is obvious it is anxiety and parents feel helpless and exhausted and unqualified to be a part of a solution. I can see how having a professional there guiding the parent through this long process would be helpful.
You know all the ads about swim safety and how drowning doesn't look like what people think it looks like? I think it is the same for anxiety. Before it becomes obvious, it isn't, but it was there. It just didn't look like what people thought anxiety would look like. I think a lot of it masquerades as other things, even normal childhood stuff - bad or annoying behavior that needs to be fixed/punished, a part of the personality that needs to be accepted, or a phase the child will grow out of.
Yes a million times! As someone who had a kid that started therapy at age 5 for anxiety and on meds by 8, it is not like my friends who are taking there kids at ages 10-12 to a therapist for the first time. It wasn't just "I don't want to do this, I'm afraid." It was lashing out at times. Refusing to do stuff that could be labeled "bratty". Losing friends because when she got close to someone she would start getting controlling. It was only professionals that could easily identify these behaviors as anxiety related. It still was hard to respond to behaviors appropriately with constant positive reinforcement when you are constantly being told by everyone else your kid is just a horrible person. OK, maybe they didn't SAY that, but it was the constant implication, especially with girls, that she should "behave" better. She tended to keep it together at school, but decompensate afterwards. The problem was she learned very early on to mask her anxiety because kids are good at reading the room. If she could shove it down deep, she new she was being a good child. She's been seeing a really well matched therapist for 2 years and last year she had a hard time socially in 6th grade. I thought we were on top of it. Getting involved, having school involved, supportive and her seeing her therapist once a week. Things got better. This year I was talking to her about how much better she is doing and she was, "Oh yeah, I never think of harming myself this year..." Just throwing it out there, casually. I was, WTF?! You were thinking that? You didn't mention it to anyone? Even with all the things we were doing and all the people checking in with you?
So I think this is a good approach for the sort of normal range anxiety. It's also a good approach for worse anxiety, but it's not going to "fix" it. That is a long term problem.
I think dd age 10 has anxiety... can anybody elaborate on specific things they do to help their children with anxiety?