Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Raging Alcoholic, Aug 2, 2018.
I'm not sure why I'm taking the time to post other than the fact that my addiction is killing me and I've venting. I drink an insane amount of alcohol, and I'm not a young man. I've ready every book known to man about this "disease", but I still can't seem to beat it. I have been through AA, Rational Recovery, Smart Recovery etc, but nothing has worked for me long term. Sure, I've had long periods of sobriety, some lasting over a year, but I've always gone back to the sauce. I'm sure I'm dying. My liver is in survival mode. I'm drunk right now. I'm never not drunk. The thing is that the 12 step program doesn't resonate with me. I've gone down that road several times and it's just not for me. I can't accept having the label of an alcoholic. Bottom line, my longest periods of sobriety have come by following another set of rules. None of you can help me in the formal sense I'm sure, but I hope that what I'm sharing now has meaning for someone like me in a similar situation. I have nothing to complain about; a beautiful wife, two healthy children, a work from home business (part of my problem), but I can't seem to beat the demon of alcohol.
One of my favorite movies is Barfly. As Mickey Rourke states, "it takes endurance to be a drunk". How true that is for me.
Drunk or not, I don't like most people. I think it's an ingrained trait as my immediate family is the same way.. Everyone is on anti-depressants, and yeah I tried that too. I'd rather be drunk than feel nothing. What is my life's purpose? When do I figure that out? I'm not entirely unintelligent, but I feel as if there is no point to my existence. This is, undoubtedly the dichotomy when living as an addict. I know for a fact that there is a lot more to life and that I'm missing it. I think that's the toughest part; conscious awareness, a feeling of impending doom, the realization that the cycle will start all over the next day regardless of best intentions.
WOW Usually I have much to say,usually I instantly see a way to get through to someone in some way,however you are in much the same spot I was at one point in my life,from what I've read you completely accept the death you chase...and for that I sympathize with you as I at one point in my life chased death through substance abuse myself, and I accepted it.I will pray for you my friend but you can beat this,even now at this point.I am fairly new to sobriety myself, just past 6 month's sober.Now I will share with you exactly what it took for myself to commit to the fight to beat my addictions or not,Im sure you love your beautiful wife and wonderful children, Im sure of this because I feel the same about mine.Please read my story,I am about to share with you the most painful moment of my life.Stay Strong and God Bless.
Even if it takes 100 tries, never give up on sobriety! Even if you quit 100 times, that's still a hundred days or minutes or seconds that you can say you were in control. We believe in you!
Well I'm sober now, and plan to be for the day. Gotta start somewhere.
I believe in my heart and soul you are correct, someone up above has a plan for me.Even if it's just surviving to share my story, if in some small way it help's someone else Im grateful for that.Maybe my struggle can impact other's in away to start to change theirs,if that's the case praise the lord.Stay Strong my friend and for how much you say you drink cold turkey would kill you so if you just cut the amount down over time and get to a safe toxicity level then I see no reason why you couldn't beat this.Progress not Perfection.
@Raging Alcoholic... How are you doing today, my friend? Never stop trying. No matter what. If you mix willingness and hope enough times, you WILL find long-term sobriety. In the meantime, know that we are here to offer up help, support, and encouragement. Please check in with us if you get a chance.