Which season finale is your favorite?
Season 1 - The Tangerine Factor
Season 2 - The Monopolar Expedition
Season 3 - The Lunar Excitation
Season 4 - The Roommate Transmogrification
Season 5 - The Countdown Reflection
Season 6 - The Bon Voyage Reaction
Season 7 - The Status Quo Combustion
Season 8 - The Commitment Determination
Season 9 - The Convergence Convergence
Season 10 - The Long Distance Dissonance
Quotes > The Ornithophobia Diffusion
Quotes from 'The Ornithophobia Diffusion'
The Ornithophobia Diffusion
Season 5, Episode 9 - Aired November 10, 2011
Leonard and Penny try hanging out together as friends, while Sheldon is forced to overcome his fear of birds.
Amy: If you're keeping him, I've got a cage you can borrow. One of the test monkeys slipped on a banana peel and broke his neck. It was both tragic and hysterical.
Sheldon: Get back here, you stupid bird, so I can love you.
Penny: Really? On top of everything, you're afraid of birds?
Sheldon: Its called ornithophobia and someday it will be recognized as a true disability, and the landlord will be required by law to put a giant net over the building. Which is unfortunate because I have a fear of nets.
Raj: Come on, Sheldon, Star Wars.
Howard: I'm pushing play. I mean it. If we don't start soon, George Lucas is going to change it again.
Leonard: I'm going to the movies with Penny. I don't want her to think I think it's a date.
Sheldon: Do you think it's a date?
Leonard: No, but she might think I think it's a date even though I don't.
Sheldon: Or you might think she thinks you think it's a date even though she doesn't.
Leonard: Are we over thinking this?
Sheldon: Not at all.
Leonard: Star Wars on Blu-ray.
Penny: Haven't you seen that movie like a thousand times?
Leonard: Not on Blu-ray. Only twice on Blu-ray.
Penny: Oh, Leonard.
Leonard: I know, it's high resolution sadness.
Sheldon: Trust me, if I had a death ray I wouldn't be living here. I'd be in my lair enjoying the money the people of Earth gave me for not using my death ray.
Penny: And remember, he's more afraid of you than you are of him.
Sheldon: That doesn't help.
Penny: No, I was talking to the bird.
Leonard: Too casual?
Sheldon: For an audience with the queen, yes. For an evening of passing a bottle of fortified wine around a flaming trash can, you look great.
Sheldon: Hummingbirds are the vampires of the flower world.
(Leonard is pointing out the monotonous movie habits of their former relationship.)
Leonard: No. You always picked, and it was always the same. An hour and a half of beach houses in the rain until the woman turns around and realizes love was here all along.
Penny: But, come on, that is a great movie, and it starts in ten minutes.
Leonard: Do you think I'm overdressed?
Sheldon: It depends on the activity. For a prostate exam? Yes. If you're playing Vegas, I'd add sequins.
Sheldon: Yes, hello. This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I'm at 2311 North Robles Avenue. Yeah, I'd like to report a dangerous wild animal. A blue jay. I'm sorry, this is Animal Control. I don't understand the laughter. No, the bird is not in my home. If he was in my home, I obviously would have called 911. Sir, I have no doubt that there are things that you're frightened of. Being stuck in a dead-end public service job? Or your wife stepping out on you because you're stuck in a dead-end public service job? Or spiders? Don't you think I tried making cat noises?
Penny: Well, I'm going to take myself out to a movie tonight. You want to go?
Leonard: Really? Do we do that?
Penny: What do you mean?
Leonard: You know, we haven't spent time alone together since we broke up.
Penny: Oh, it's not a date, Leonard. It's just a man and a woman hanging out, and not having sex at the end of the night.
Leonard: Sounds like most of my dates.
Amy: So I guess you have to have hollow bones to get some sugar around here.
Penny: Did you tell her her about your favorite asthma inhaler?
Raj: That is one tough birdie.
Sheldon: It's remarkable. All that time spent in fear. And for what? He's magnificent. Oh, dear. I just realized I haven't offered you a beverage.
Bernadette: Oh, it's just like my grandma with her parrot. And after she lost her marbles with her remote control.
Leonard: When you were telling Kevin about your acting career, did you mention your long-running role as Waitress in a local production of The Cheesecake Factory?
Leonard: Okay. So, we went out, saw a movie, met some nice people, said horrible things about each other in public, all in all, a pretty magical night.
Penny: Okay, I'm not innocent in all this, but you basically called me stupid, you asthmatic dumb ass.
Sheldon: Every year tens of people around the world are killed by birds. I'm not going to be another statistic.
Amy: Sheldon, the only way to get past this fear is to interact with it. Just like you did with the mailman.
Sheldon: You're biologists. Biology is the study of living things. That's a living thing, get cracking.
Bernadette: I specialize in microorganisms, and Amy studies brains.
Amy: Yeah, neither of us minored in bird-shooing.
Sheldon: Oh, come now. Your undergraduate work must have included a varmints and critters class.
Leonard: You're going out of your way to talk to that guy because I said we weren't on a date.
Penny: No, I'm talking to him because hes cute.
Leonard: Come on, he's not that cute.
Penny: Yes, he is. With his dorky T-shirt and his little hipster glasses.
Leonard: I wear dorky T-shirts and glasses.
Penny: Yes, but when you're tall and have great cheekbones, you're doing it ironically.
Leonard: I'm going to get some fries. You want anything?
Penny: Uh, no, thanks.
Leonard: Are you sure? Because you always say no, and then you eat half my fries.
Penny: I just eat the little crispy ones you don't like.
Leonard: No, I love them. I save them for the end, but they're gone because you ate them. And why did I let you eat them?
Penny: To get sex.
Leonard: Exactly.
Penny: All right, I'd like an order of fries.
Leonard: Great. That'll be five dollars. I am having the best time. I'm so glad you suggested we do this.
Leonard: Come on, you enjoyed the movie. I saw you tearing up when the village got flooded, and everyone had to relocate.
Penny: No, I was thinking how come they get to leave and I can't.
Sheldon: Age seven, a blood-thirsty chicken chases me up a tree. Age twelve, a magpie tries to steal the retainer out of my mouth. Age sixteen, a parrot in a pet store called me fat ass. Need I go on?
Raj: Yes, please. This is way better than the movie.
Sheldon: This would go a lot faster if you put your trade school diploma to work and helped me set up this high frequency tone generator.
Howard: I have a Masters degree from M.I.T.
Sheldon: Yeah, but you've got a can-do attitude and that's what's important.
Leonard: See? Now, that's the great thing. We're out as friends. This is not a date. Sex is off the table. So, let's go learn why hydroelectric power might not be the environmental bargain you think it is. Sorry. Spoiler alert.
Leonard: Does this sound familiar? I'd love to go shoe shopping with you. Hiking? It's great. It's two a.m., of course I want to go to Korea Town and sing karaoke with your friends. Who wouldn't?
Penny: Okay, we were going out. You were going to get sex anyway.
Leonard: Really? You would have slept with me after a three-hour documentary on dams?
Penny: No. No woman would.
Penny: Oh, hey, if we hurry, we can make the new Jennifer Aniston movie.
Leonard: Oh, yeah, sure. There's also an amazing documentary about building a dam on river in South America.
Penny: Okay, but the Jennifer Aniston movie has Jennifer Aniston, and she's not building a dam.
Sheldon: [inside the apartment] Oh, dear Lord, get away from me, you monster!
Penny: [in the hallway] What is that about?
Leonard: Well, he's smart and crazy enough, he may have actually created a monster.
Leonard: Oh, hey. You work the lunch shift?
Penny: Yeah. I've got eight pounds of salmon that's about to go bad. Do you know how to cook it?
Leonard: Not really.
Penny: Damn it. Should have liberated the iffy chicken.
Penny: Then I'll return the favor and I won't tell...
Laura: Laura-
Penny: Laura that half the dirty movies you own are animated.
Leonard: You didn't see me telling Kevin that you thought Cold Wars were only fought in Winter