evidence: The Illustrious History of Misquoting Winston Churchill Saying exactly what Churchill said isn’t easy—or cheap "If I were married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee," Lady Astor once famously remarked to Winston Churchill. "If I were married to you," he replied, "I’d drink it." [...] That infamous Lady Astor exchange, for instance, probably took place between her and Churchill’s friend F.E. Smith, a statesman, and even then Smith was perhaps quoting an old joke. Churchill’s "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it means to sit down and listen"—recently quoted by Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III—has no known connection to Churchill at all. But connoisseurs of Churchillian ripostes can rest easy that his legendary rejoinder to a female politician who called him drunk is a confirmed matter of historical record—even if he did adapt it from a line in the W.C. Fields movie It’s a Gift. "Tomorrow, I shall be sober," Churchill replied, "and you will still be disgustingly ugly." (In the film, the victim was merely "crazy.")