And it's so hard trying to live without you. It's so hard to smile without you. It's so hard laughing, knowing that I'm lying to everyone and to myself. It's so hard living day by day, knowing that I'll never know that happiness again. It's so hard realizing that my life is a failure, and that I  have no one. It's so hard realizing that I disappointed everyone, and disappointed myself. It's so hard realizing how pathetic, uninteresting I am. It's so hard seeing that even my family is disappointed in me. It's so hard having projects and knowing they will fail, for I'm not strong enough anymore.