article_snippet: MoS man: how I gatecrashed world's unfunniest send-up .
article_snippet: possibly the four most upsetting words I have ever received.
article_snippet: Chaos loomed when some portly chap
article_snippet: I did try to channel my inner One Direction
article_snippet: but I ended up looking like I was having a fit in the deep end of a swimming pool.
article_snippet: Then, worryingly, the Clegg double cuddled me –
article_snippet: I pouted, foolishly, and even tried a little growl.
article_snippet: One of the crew tittered, not unreasonably, as I awkwardly caressed my chest and even smoothed my eyebrow with a licked finger.
article_snippet: ‘double’ – got especially carried away, letting out an impressive glottal volley of gibberish.