That almost killed me ; but I managed to bear it , for I knew most of the fault was mine ; but it was awful bitter to think I had n't saved her , after all . '' `` Oh , Thorn ! what did you do ? '' `` Went straight after her ; found her dancing in Philadelphia , with paint on her cheeks , trinkets on her neck and arms , looking prettier than ever ; but the innocent eyes were gone , and I could n't see my little girl in the bold , handsome woman twirling there before the footlights . She saw me , looked scared at first , then smiled , and danced on with her eyes upon me , as if she said , -- '' ` See ! I 'm happy now ; go away and let me be . ' `` I could n't stand that , and got out somehow . People thought me mad , or drunk ; I did n't care , I only wanted to see her once in quiet and try to get her home . I could n't do it then nor afterwards by fair means , and I would n't try force . I wrote to her , promised to forgive her , begged her to come back , or let me keep her honestly somewhere away from me . But she never answered , never came , and I have never tried again . '' `` She was n't worthy of you , Thorn ; you jest forgit her . '' `` I wish I could ! I wish I could ! '' In his voice quivered an almost passionate regret , and a great sob heaved his chest , as he turned his face away to hide the love and longing , still so tender and so strong . `` Do n't say that , Dick ; such fidelity should make us charitable for its own sake . There is always time for penitence , always certainty of pardon . Take heart , Thorn , you may not wait in vain , and she may yet return to you . '' `` I know she will ! I 've dreamed of it , I 've prayed for it ; every battle I come out of safe makes me surer that I was kept for that , and when I 've borne enough to atone for my part of the fault , I 'll be repaid for all my patience , all my pain , by finding her again .
She knows how well I love her still , and if there comes a time when she is sick and poor and all alone again , then she 'll remember her old John , then she 'll come home and XXXXX me take her in . ''
'm came gone know let return saw stand tried twirling