I thought you did of course , or I would n't have mentioned it . I am always putting my foot in it , are n't I ? Yes , that is what he went to town for to-day -- he told me coming out on the train to-night , I was the first person he told . He is n't in khaki yet -- they were out of uniforms -- but he will be in a day or two . I always said Walter had as much pluck as anybody . I assure you I felt proud of him , Rilla , when he told me what he 'd done . Oh , there 's an end of Rick MacAllister 's reading . I must fly . I promised I 'd play for the next chorus -- Alice Clow has such a headache . '' She was gone -- oh , thank God , she was gone ! Rilla was alone again , staring out at the unchanged , dream-like beauty of moonlit Four Winds . Feeling was coming back to her -- a pang of agony so acute as to be almost physical seemed to rend her apart . `` I can not bear it , '' she said . And then came the awful thought that perhaps she could bear it and that there might be years of this hideous suffering before her . She must get away -- she must rush home -- she must be alone . She could not go out there and play for drills and give readings and take part in dialogues now . It would spoil half the concert ; but that did not matter -- nothing mattered . Was this she , Rilla Blythe -- this tortured thing , who had been quite happy a few minutes ago ? Outside , a quartette was singing `` We 'll never let the old flag fall '' -- the music seemed to be coming from some remote distance . Why could n't she cry , as she had cried when Jem told them he must go ?
If she could cry perhaps this horrible something that XXXXX to have seized on her very life might let go .
's bear came cried get let mattered seemed take thank