Oh , never could have ! THAT was what stung . I would n't have envied you , if I had had any HOPE that life would ever be different for me . But I had n't -- I had n't -- and it did n't seem FAIR . It made me rebellious -- and it hurt me -- and so I hated you at times . Oh , I was so ashamed of it -- I 'm dying of shame now -- but I could n't conquer it . `` That night , when I was afraid you might n't live -- I thought I was going to be punished for my wickedness -- and I loved you so then . Anne , Anne , I never had anything to love since my mother died , except Dick 's old dog -- and it 's so dreadful to have nothing to love -- life is so EMPTY -- and there 's NOTHING worse than emptiness -- and I might have loved you so much -- and that horrible thing had spoiled it -- '' Leslie was trembling and growing almost incoherent with the violence of her emotion . `` Do n't , Leslie , '' implored Anne , `` oh , do n't . I understand -- do n't talk of it any more . '' `` I must -- I must . When I knew you were going to live I vowed that I would tell you as soon as you were well -- that I would n't go on accepting your friendship and companionship without telling you how unworthy I was of it . And I 've been so afraid -- it would turn you against me . '' `` You need n't fear that , Leslie . '' `` Oh , I 'm so glad -- so glad , Anne . '' Leslie clasped her brown , work-hardened hands tightly together to still their shaking . `` But I want to tell you everything , now I 've begun . You do n't remember the first time I saw you , I suppose -- it was n't that night on the shore -- '' `` No , it was the night Gilbert and I came home . You were driving your geese down the hill . I should think I DO remember it !
I XXXXX you were so beautiful -- I longed for weeks after to find out who you were . ''
clasped died going hated live loved seem shaking thought turn