Perhaps it was just a thwarting of His purpose by the Power of Evil . We ca n't be expected to be resigned to THAT . '' `` Oh , Anne , do n't talk so , '' said Marilla , genuinely alarmed lest Anne were drifting into deep and dangerous waters . `` We ca n't understand -- but we must have faith -- we MUST believe that all is for the best . I know you find it hard to think so , just now . But try to be brave -- for Gilbert 's sake . He 's so worried about you . You are n't getting strong as fast as you should . '' `` Oh , I know I 've been very selfish , '' sighed Anne . `` I love Gilbert more than ever -- and I want to live for his sake . But it seems as if part of me was buried over there in that little harbor graveyard -- and it hurts so much that I 'm afraid of life . '' `` It wo n't hurt so much always , Anne . '' `` The thought that it may stop hurting sometimes hurts me worse than all else , Marilla . '' `` Yes , I know , I 've felt that too , about other things . But we all love you , Anne . Captain Jim has been up every day to ask for you -- and Mrs. Moore haunts the place -- and Miss Bryant spends most of her time , I think , cooking up nice things for you . Susan does n't like it very well . She thinks she can cook as well as Miss Bryant . '' `` Dear Susan ! Oh , everybody has been so dear and good and lovely to me , Marilla .
I 'm not ungrateful -- and perhaps -- when this horrible ache grows a little less -- I 'll XXXXX that I can go on living . ''
brave drifting find hurts resigned spends talk think thinks understand