text:
Ines and Mario Bravely Walk Through Life Together | Balkan Diskurs
Armin Halilović
February 11th, 2021
The young married couple Ines (33) and Mario (32) Zović from Zenica have been together for four years, married for the last three. Their love was capped off by the birth of their daughter Nora.
They fell in love during an election campaign
Mario’s family is from Doboj, about eighty kilometers from Zenica. Ines, originally from Goražde, grew up in Zenica, where she lived with her mother until she met her husband. They met in September 2016, in a not-so-common way, during the local election campaign.
“We had two mutual friends who were on the list as candidates in the 2016 local elections, and I was doing a campaign for them and that’s how we met. We officially started dating sometime towards the end of the campaign. We went to a romantic concert together. We actually went to a pre-election rally,” says Mario with a laugh.
Ines recalls how they actually met a year earlier, but at the time they were not, according to her, interested in each other.
Mario says that their friendliness to other people what attracted them to one another. “That’s what’s the real thing. We wanted something real in that phase of our lives,” says Ines.
Mixed marriages were all around them
Ethnic and religious differences never mattered to Ines and Mario – to them or to their families.
Ines comes from a Muslim family. She has two brothers who are also in mixed marriages, so everything that happened between Mario and her was seen as completely normal.
“The rest of the family is exclusively Bosniak. How they feel about this, believe me I don’t know. But since forever I wanted to celebrate Christmas. I always told my mom, ‘and why don’t I celebrate Christmas?’ Once she said to me, ‘now you can celebrate Eid and Christmas as well,’” Ines explains.
She also says that it was probably easier for them because their friends, especially Mario’s, are also in mixed marriages.
“We hang out with people from such marriages and when the people around you are like that, then it’s nothing out of the ordinary,” Mario explains.
Their families have always been supportive
They know that they are a statistical minority in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Mixed marriages since the end of the war are only between four and five percent of all marriages. They were, as they say, lucky that their family and friends viewed their relationship, and later marriage, benevolently, and were happy to be surrounded by friends from all ethnic groups.
They also know that mixed relationships often break down because of peer pressure, imposed social norms, or family opposition.
“Because the lack of acceptance by family and society has a great impact. These are things that are very hard to escape from. You can ignore some members of your family, but the people around you, especially the friends you are close to, you can’t escape,” says Mario.
They don’t talk seriously about mixed marriages, says Ines. They mostly joke about it, especially  with friends who have similar lives and world views.
“Once, when we were leaving for Doboj, I raised a question on this topic because I had not yet met Mario’s parents. I asked, ‘How will your parents react to me? I’m going to Doboj, to Republika Srpska, a village there.’ He just laughed. I asked the same question to his dad and he got angry because there was no need for me to ask such a question. No one has ever said anything to us or called us out for being in a mixed marriage,” says Ines.
Living in a healthy relationship
It didn’t take them long to start living together.
“I would spend one night with my mom and then one night with him, one night with my mom and so on. Then I got tired of all of that and after a few months we started living together,” explains Ines.
When describing her life partner, Ines says that Mario is a great storyteller and “sometimes naively good.”
“He is one of a few men, other than my brother, who really respects women and who will do everything from housework and everything, which is a rarity these days. Usually a man raises his legs for a woman to vacuum. I’ll raise my legs first, so he vacuums. He is a real gem. But he is a big talker, sometimes you can get tired of that,” says Ines.
Mario can sum up his feelings for Ines in one sentence: “She is a loveable person,” he says with a smile.
“I have never met a person who meets people so effortlessly. People turn to her out of the blue just to start a conversation with her and the conversation goes on like they have known each other for a hundred years. I often tell her that she gets better things in life because she is so loveable,” adds Mario.
Now all their days spent together are dedicated to their daughter Nora. They were, as they say, so lucky that Mario has worked from home during the pandemic. He is now able to help with household chores and childcare.
“I now do the majority of chores. I often cook and prepare food, but during this period, I was significantly more dedicated to it, so that she could dedicate herself more to the child,” he says.
They shared household chores even before Nora was born, says Ines, who adds that neither of them feel burdened, as they easily agree on everything.
Their coexistence does not suit the government
They believe that few people in Bosnian society promote positive examples of mutual love and tolerance. Nor do religious communities help much.
“We have an interreligious council in Zenica that is functioning well. It’s made of younger people and it’s not a bad thing, it’s still actually a council of a group of people…but nothing special comes out of it. The five of them sit down and say everything is ok. But the fact is that our society doesn’t work very hard to accept such relationships,” says Mario.
He adds that society as a whole is not working hard enough on this because no one is “motivated by governing structures to which any coexistence and development is absolutely not suitable.”
Their holiday happiness is always shared
They celebrate all religious holidays together. On Eid, they traditionally go to Ines’ mother’s house, and on Christmas, if Ines can leave work, they go to Doboj to Mario’s parents. All holidays are now shared, says Ines.
“When it’s Catholic Christmas, because his father is Catholic and his sister is in Zenica, relatives come to us. We gather a few more people around us to celebrate. We really love and enjoy it. We stick to it because we really enjoy it,” says Ines.
In December, the whole apartment is decorated, and they both love it. They take photos and post them on social media. Friends started to notice that they bought decorative Christmas ornaments wherever they traveled, so now they often bring an ornament as a gift.
“It all started with Paris because we were on our honeymoon there. There we bought the first ornament and said we would buy Christmas decorations in every country we visit. It’s a great opportunity and a memory of where you’ve been. We also have an advent calendar, so we put in chocolates. Then we have stockings…now the baby will have all those gifts,” says Ines.
Mario remembers the holidays during the war.
“It was 1993 and Saint Nicholas was to come bring something as gifts, so we cleaned our boots. My friend Kenan and my father’s godparents’ children were there and so was everyone from the building that were all the same age. We were waiting, there is no electricity or anything and suddenly something starts pounding on the roof. We don’t know what it is. When we got up in the morning, our boots were full; some nonsense was there, like oranges, cans, apples… My father’s godparents, my father, and Kenan’s father, had climbed on the roof to walk on there so we would think that the real Saint Nicholas was coming,” Mario recalls.
Changing demographics reduce the chance for more mixed marriages
The secret of their marriage, they say, is the many hours spent in conversation, working towards agreement.
“If two people agree, everything is easier. The first mistake a partner makes is secretly looking for a copy of himself in his partner. That is impossible…that relationship would not last longer than a day, because they would collide. That is the first mistake, it cannot be done at all. You can’t even be with someone completely different than you, then it’s a problem because you collide in every field on every topic,” explains Mario.
He also has a mathematical explanation for the question of why the number of mixed relationships and marriages has decreased since the beginning of the 1990s.
“I think the biggest difference is that you need to look at demographics and the possibility of mixed marriages. Take Zenica, which has a population of 100,000, where before the war over 20% of Croats lived, and now some 2% live. To that you add a dose of nationalism and fear of a different person or society, and that percentage drops even more. As a result, you get a desperately low percentage of mixed marriages,” he says.
In smaller communities, he adds, the situation is much worse. The fact that young people are still leaving Bosnia and Herzegovina makes it even tougher.
“Such a demographic picture affects education and ethics. Our parents and the Yugoslav generation raised us in a way that we do not feel that we can make a difference in a post-war and broken system, and that people who are different are never to be accepted,” adds Ines.
Society must rise from the shackles of inequality
They are aware that, in addition to the heavy burden of the war, the situation is also affected by the post-war period.
“It is a terrible fact that a quarter of a century has passed. That’s 25 years. People didn’t move from that one point. We have the silent expulsion of people, in the sense that you are a member of one community that does not have equal rights with everyone else. You have them on paper, but otherwise you do not have them, you do not have equal opportunities. The only way for people to rise above that is for people to understand that there are more important things in life, that the quality of your life and what society offers you is more important than what your name is or where you go to pray to God, ”says Mario.
Being honest, loving animals and the environment, but loving yourself first, are values that Ines says are important. Mario agrees that it is worth fighting for your ideals.
“I am a man who sticks to this idea, because I think freely, and this is worth fighting for. No matter what a man actually wants and how much society has condemned him, he must go for it. I think that society and people must rise above our current state,” he says.
Your happiness belongs only to you
Young people who are in mixed relationships know that love is worth fighting for.
“Leave everything aside, if necessary, even your parents. It is your life and you live it. Neither the parent, nor the neighbor, nor anyone will be with that person. Only you. We should systematically support young couples,” says Ines.
“Life is so fast,” says Mario, “and there is no time in it to think about trivial things like what the village, the neighbor, or society will say.”
“Make the most of life. If you imagine it with your partner, no matter who he or she is and what is his or her religion, sexual orientation, or anything else, if this is a person who suits you, if you see that person with you, if that is what you want, other people are irrelevant. You don’t like some people, some people don’t like you, you just get up and go where you feel better. Then you will be happy, fulfilled, and satisfied with your life and you will start your own family and make new friends. Just don’t care what other people think,” he concludes.
Text editing: Balkan Diskurs team; Photography: Mitar Simikić; Photo Editor: Dr. Paul Lowe.
This story is part of the “Love Tales” project implemented by the Post-Conflict Research Center (PCRC) with a group of Balkan Diskurs youth correspondents. The project is implemented with financial support from the VII Academy, the BOLD program of the US Embassy in BiH, and PCRC’s core grants, with the aim of challenging the common narrative that real connections between Bosnia’s different ethnic groups are unattainable by documenting stories of successful interethnic relationships across the country.

created: February 11th, 2021


text:
War Criminals in Spain During and After Franco’s Dictatorship | Balkan Diskurs
Daniel Morente
February 19th, 2021
On March 31, 1994, José León Ramírez Reina died of heart failure in a hospital in the south of Spain. He was 87. He had previously lived in Madrid and in Seville, where he owned an extravagant villa named La Carlina. He was known for hosting elite parties and storing a rich collection of art there. Ramírez Reina arrived in Spain through what could be described as an unusual channel. After fleeing from Germany across Denmark and Norway, he crashed his plane into the shores of San Sebastian, Spain in May of 1945.
Before landing in Spain, he was not known as José León, but rather, Léon Degrelle. He was a Belgian politician and the founder of the Rexist Party, a clerical fascist party. Degrelle was a known Nazi collaborator during World War II, having fought in the Walloon Legion. When Degrelle crashed his plane, he was escaping prosecution in Belgium, under the charge of high treason. He was sentenced to death for having pledged alliance to Nazi Germany in 1941. The Belgian authorities asked Spain to extradite him, but it never happened.
Many other Nazi political leaders and fascist collaborators fled to Francoist Spain after the war. For decades, General Francisco Franco protected these war criminals and provided a safe haven against extradition. Surprisingly, after the death of the dictator and the political transition in Spain, this legal protection remained largely unchanged.
Ante Pavelić, the Croatian dictator who founded the fascist Ustaše movement in Croatia in 1929, also hid in Spain after the war. Pavelić ruled the Independent State of Croatia – Nezavisna Država Hrvatska (NDH) – a puppet state that ruled the parts of Yugoslavia not occupied by Nazi Germany and fascist Italy between 1941 and 1945. Pavelić landed in Spain in mid-1957. Pavelić arrived in Argentina first, using one of the “ratline” escape routes employed by prominent Nazi criminals like Adolf Eichmann and Josef Mengele to hide in Latin America. The former Ustaše leader ran from Argentina to Spain after surviving an assassination attempt in front of his house. The attempt was by Blagoje Jovović, a Montenegrin Serb that had fought in World War II as a Partisan and, later on, as a Chetnik. This episode would eventually lead to Pavelić’s death two years later, as he never fully recovered from his injuries.
There is also the case of Vjekoslav Luburić, an Ustaše army general who oversaw the network of concentration camps in the NDH between 1941 and 1945, including the infamous Jasenovac extermination camp, where more than 150,000 Serbs, Jews, Roma and Bosnian Muslims were brutally murdered. Luburić travelled from Croatia to Spain in 1949 disguised as a Franciscan monk under the protection of the Catholic Church. He resided there until he was murdered by his personal assistant in April 1969. Some allege that the killing was a hit organized by a vengeful Tito, perhaps with inspiration from the political assassination of Leon Trotsky by the NKVD communist agent Ramón Mercader. Others argue that it was actually an inside operation orchestrated by fellow Ustaše emigré leaders over political disagreements.
Both Pavelić and Luburić, alongside other fascist criminals that had fled their respective countries, died under the veil of the dictatorship. Once democracy was officially established following the June 1977 general election and the approval of the 1978 Constitution, international war criminals like Degrelle, as well as many Spaniards who had been part of the dictatorship’s repressive system, were allowed to reside in the country. To understand why this was the case, it is necessary to analyze how Spain dealt – or failed to deal – with its violent past. During and after the transition, Spaniards had to reconcile both the 1936-1939 Civil War and the Francoist regime itself.
The implicit deal of silence agreed upon during the transition allowed for many national criminals like Antonio González Pachecho, popularly known as Billy el Niño (“Billy the Kid”), to peacefully live in the new democracy without any accountability. González Pacheco had been a significant member of the Political-Social Brigade in the 1970s. He violently interrogated, tortured and terrorized dozens of citizens who opposed Franco’s totalitarian regime. This deal of silence was justified by a national “right to forget,” which stopped the implementation of any political initiatives that would acknowledge the crimes committed by the state during Franco’s dictatorship.
The right for truth and remembrance for those who suffered and lost their lives under Francoism was thus discarded. Other countries have had this right: Rwanda and the 1994 genocide, Sierra Leone and its 1991-2002 civil war, and Argentina and the 1977-1983 National Reorganization Process. Thus the question that needs to be addressed is, what have been the effects of this deal of silence?
First, there have never been reparations for the victims of the Franco regime, despite calls for them. In an article published online in CTXT press, José Luis Úriz Iglesias, a former victim of Billy el Niño, discussed his participation in the recently released documentary-film Billy: Torture, Impunity, Silence (2020). He says that “those who participate in the documentary are just asking for truth, remembrance, justice and reparations to prevent our story from getting forgotten, to safeguard the collective memory of our people, [for] justice against those who perpetrated those crimes, and reparations so that [our] society, our leaders, acknowledge the suffering that we endured.” He also encourages young people to go see the movie so they become aware of what happened in Spain five decades ago. For people like Úriz Iglesias, the mere passing of time has not automatically translated into healing, showing that there is still a great deal of work to be done. There are grassroots organizations helping. For example, the Association for the Recovery of Historical Memory (“Asociación para la Recuperación de la Memoria Histórica”) helped the honors, medals, and police merits of González Pacheco be revoked posthumously.
Second, as an investigation conducted by the historian Lourdes Herrasti found, there are still around 114,000 unidentified buried bodies from this period all over Spain. While there were 743 exhumations between 2000 and 2018 and a total of 9,009 bodies recovered from mass graves, there are still thousands of families still waiting for their loved ones’ remains. Such a large number will be impossible without state funding and support. Knowing this, starting in 2012 the right-wing government of the Popular Party (“Partido Popular”) slashed the budget of the Historical Memory Law, designed by the previous administration to recognize and guarantee the rights of victims of war and the Francoist regime. The law also deals with the process of mass grave exhumation and the victim identification process.
Regardless of the tragic fact that some of bodies will never be found, the positive news is that the current government, more left-leaning, is redesigning the law and trying to fund it once again. The new government wants to work alongside civil society organizations to continue their memorialization and reconciliation work. An achievement also worth mentioning is Franco’s exhumation in October 2019 from the Valley of the Fallen (“El Valle de los Caídos”), a Catholic basilica erected in the mountains near Madrid for him.
Third, not addressing these issues for decades has paved the way for historical revisionism and the denial of crimes committed by the Spanish fascists during and after the war. Part of this is fueled by the relatively new far-right political party, Vox, which currently constitutes the third national political force in Congress. But it is also perpetuated by the traditional, conservative, far-right, which frames these necessary processes as “re-opening already closed wounds.” The Historical Memory Law remains at the core of this debate, with political parties divided ideologically over the law.
One consequence of this debate is a lack of political determination by the Spanish authorities to deal with the country’s historic past. The absence of many institutional changes at the military and judicial level since the end of dictatorship has allowed individuals like Degrelle and González Pacheco to live freely in the new democracy, being neither detained nor questioned at any time by the national authorities. Some state structures, partially inherited from Franco’s dictatorship, protected them from being identified or accused of any crime or atrocity by taking advantage of the “forget to forgive” principle of the transition.
In an interview with the Spanish digital newspaper El Confidencial, historian Ana Ávila, who participated in the documentary Don Juan de la Carlin: The Hidden Face of Léon Degrelle (2008), explains that “during Francoism, not many people were aware of either the real identity of “Don Juan” [Degrelle] nor what his real past was, but, years later, in the course of the transition, the name Léon Degrelle started to emerge again.” In a 1983 interview with the popular Spanish magazine Interviú, the war criminal himself acknowledged his fascist past and his admiration for Hitler, being entirely confident that publicly stating these beliefs would not matter, as he would still be protected from any kind of judicial prosecution.
None of this should came as surprise to anyone. If Spanish political leaders did not have the political will nor ethical strength to deal with their own country’s traumatic past, how could it acknowledge the crimes committed by foreigners outside Spain? But the unfortunate consequence of this is that those these criminal lived protected in Spain and quietly enjoyed the rest of their lives in impunity.
References
Baquero, J. M. (2018) “Rajoy repite con la Memoria Histórica: cero euros y olvido a las víctimas del franquismo”, elDiario, 03 April 2018. Available at: https://www.eldiario.es/sociedad/rajoy-memoria-historica-victimas-franquismo_1_2195035.html
Centeno, J. (2009) “Don Vicente, el monstruo de los Balcanes”, Público, 14 February 2009. Available at: https://www.publico.es/actualidad/don-vicente-monstruo-balcanes.html
De Llano, P. (2020) “Visnja Pavelic, la hija del genocida: medio siglo recluida en su piso de Madrid”, El País, 22 March 2020. Available at: https://elpais.com/elpais/2020/03/17/eps/1584471192_157479.html
Junta de Andalucía (n.d.) Don Juan de la Carlina. La cara oculta de Léon Degrelle, Junta de Andalucía. Available at: https://www.juntadeandalucia.es/cultura/auladecine/don-juan-de-la-carlina-la-cara-oculta-de-leon-degrelle/
Marco, L. (2019) “‘Yo soy, gracias a Dios, criminal de guerra’: las cartas del jefe de los campos de concentración croatas asesinado en Carcaixent hace 50 años”, elDiario, 27 April 2019. Available at: https://www.eldiario.es/comunitat-valenciana/dios-criminal-concentracion-asesinado-valencia_1_1580113.html
Milekic, S. (2018) “Spanish Law May Mean moving Croatian Fascist Tombs”, Balkan Insight, 25 July 2018. Available at: https://balkaninsight.com/2018/07/25/ustasa-tombs-in-spain-could-be-removed-07-25-2018/
Ramírez, A. (2019) “El general nazi que estrelló su avión en España y se refugió en un pueblo sevillano”, El Confidencial, 11 October 2019. Available at: https://www.elconfidencial.com/cultura/2019-10-11/leon-degrelle-nazi-refugiado-espana-sevilla-226_2279360/
Torrús, A. (2020) “Familias, asociaciones e instituciones han recuperado los cuerpos de más de 9.000 republicanos de fosas comunes hasta 2018”, Público, 15 August 2020. Available at: https://www.publico.es/politica/familias-asociaciones-e-instituciones-han-recuperado-cuerpos-9000-republicanos-fosas-comunes-2018.html
Úriz Iglesias, J. L. (2020) “‘Billy’, la voz de los sin voz”, CTXT, 09 November 2020. Available at: https://ctxt.es/es/20201101/Firmas/34093/Billy-torturas-impunidad-silencio-documental-estreno-Max-Lemcke.htm

source: news-balkandiskurs

created: February 19th, 2021

license: Creative Commons - Attribution - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

author: Daniel Morente


text:
Single-Mindedness and Coexistence Do Not Go Together | Balkan Diskurs
Kristina Gadže
February 24th, 2021
Dušica Lukrecija Štilić, age 49, and Samir Štilić, age 50, are from Tuzla. They have been married for five years, but they first met in high school. After school, their life took them down different paths, but they were destined to meet again as more mature people. At that time, they were both divorced, but that did not stop them from starting a new chapter in their lives together.
Samir claims that Dušica has been in love with him since high school, when they were just friends. She replies, “Yes, exactly! I knew him, I even inquired about him at some point. I asked someone, ‘who is the blondie?’ But Samir was ‘too much’ at the time, and they told me not to ask about him anymore so I no longer did.”
Love Over The Wires
It was destined for them to meet again. They had their first reunion online.
“We met again through mutual friends on Facebook. Samir was working abroad at the time, so we met when he arrived in Tuzla, and somehow that’s how it started. Our first date was not actually a date, but he came with me to assemble some IKEA furniture I bought a couple of days earlier. As soon as he assembled the furniture without looking at the instructions, I knew that this was the man for me,” Dušica recounts with a smile.
Samir adds that it is impossible to describe Dušica in a few sentences and that she is actually his “Tito.”
Although they do not perceive themselves as a minority, entity statistics show that the number of multiethnic couples in Bosnia and Herzegovina is declining. Samir comes from a Bosniak family, and Dušica from a Serbo-Croat family, but they both identify as Bosnians and Herzegovinians.
“We come from Tito’s time, when people were divided into rockers and folkers. Here it is still like that. We don’t care about other people’s religion, ethnicity, and stuff like that. After all, what is a ‘mixed’ marriage? Is it a marriage of a man and an alien, a sheep, a tree?” Samir asks, adding that everyone in Tuzla grew up nurturing “real” values.
“We couldn’t care less about others’ differences. Unfortunately, in our society, there are not enough positive examples of people promoting tolerance and common values. We have seen it especially now, during the local elections where people ignore such topics,” explains Dušica.
Family Relations
Samir has two sons and Dušica has one daughter, all from previous marriages, so their daily lives are full of different family activities. In addition, their professions leave them little time for one another, which motivates them to make good use of it. Dušica is currently head of regional operations at BIRN, while Samir owns a construction business.
In their personality differences they have found the perfect balance for their daily life.
“Samir is a big child, and he doesn’t take life seriously, unlike me, who plans everything,” says Dušica.
“He is the first one to wake up in the morning, so he makes himself coffee and goes to work. I have my responsibilities and job. We only meet up in the evening, around 5 or 6 pm, when we finish with work. We eat, watch TV, hang out, and so on. I’m not a great cook, but that’s why Samir cooks phenomenally. I happen to make cakes pretty well,” Dušica says, describing a typical day.
“Dušica makes the best baklava,” adds Samir.
The More Identities A Man Has, The More Valuable He Is
Dušica and Samir did not believe in religion, but they firmly believe that man is more valuable the more identities that he has, both those that are “inherited” and those that are acquired.
“We do not believe religion and ethnicity are determinants of personality. In our country, ethnicity is misunderstood. Religion is completely mixed with one’s ethnicity. Our children do not look at ethnicity as something that creates their identity, or at least I don’t think so. My parents are in a ‘mixed’ marriage. My mom was Catholic, originally from Dalmatia, and my dad is Orthodox, Bosnian. My daughter’s father is a descendant of Jews, Protestants and Catholics. He is English. So how could she claim one single identity?” concludes Dušica.
Samir believes that their children must know about different identities because single-mindedness is not a way to live. He says it dulls and regresses one’s life. “My older son was in a serious relationship with a girl of another ethnicity. It is unnatural for us to think of their boyfriends and girlfriends as people of other ethnicities. They are people and there the story ends. Either they are good children, or they are not, that’s it,” stresses Samir.
Holidays Keep Them Together
They celebrate all religious holidays. “We celebrate everything in order to gather as a family. We eat and drink.”
“I am the oldest Catholic of my family here in Tuzla, so I celebrate Catholic Christmas here, and we certainly celebrate Orthodox Christmas, but at my uncle’s. For Eid, we go to Samir’s mother’s and stepmother’s,” says Dušica.
Samir points out that for them, this is about family tradition and not religious holidays, because they are both agnostic. “We believe that religion, like any other philosophy, was created to govern people. It is important to be moral, good, careful, caring. It does not matter which God you believe in.”
Dušica adds that she loves tradition and that even before her marriage to Samir, she celebrated both Muslim and Christian holidays. “Even our wedding was woven from different customs, so there was a bit of Macedonian, Bosnian, Dalmatian…”
Youth Are Taught To Value Their Own But To Hate What’s Different
Dušica is surprised by the small percentage of mixed marriages in Bosnia and Herzegovina because, as she says, they are surrounded by a lot of couples like them.
But she understands why it is like that.
“It is easy for me to believe that, because we often have the opportunity to see that in different parts of – not only BiH – but also the world. Children are only taught to value what is theirs and to hate everything else that is different. It is unfortunate, and if such statistics are accurate, then it is devastating for humanity.”
Love Is Not A Tomato
“Love is not a tomato,” says Samir. Dušica explains that he’s referring to a song on Dino Merlin’s first album, from when they were both younger.
There are no secrets in their relationship, and they stress that openness and communication are the most important things in any relationship.
They advise young people to follow their hearts and not look at names and nationalities. “Even if you make a mistake and that love is not the one, it will still be your fault, but you will end up regretting it if you don’t try anything,”  concludes Dušica.
Although their marriage is in its “early stages,” Dušica and Samir prove that faith in love and perseverance are guidelines for any healthy relationship. That’s why they strive to keep their large family together to create new memories.
Text editing: Balkan Diskurs team; Photography: Mitar Simikić; Photo Editor: Dr. Paul Lowe.
This story is part of the “Love Tales” project implemented by the Post-Conflict Research Center (PCRC) with a group of Balkan Diskurs youth correspondents. The project is implemented with financial support from the VII Academy, the BOLD program of the US Embassy in BiH, and PCRC’s core grants, with the aim of challenging the common narrative that real connections between Bosnia’s different ethnic groups are unattainable by documenting stories of successful interethnic relationships across the country.

created: February 24th, 2021

author: Kristina Gadže


text:
Your Ethnicity Is Not Written All Over Your Face | Balkan Diskurs
Anja Zulić
March 8th, 2021
Ajla Lović and Darko Karać are a young couple from Banja Luka. They are just like any other young couple in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Every day they try to get the best out of the society they live in and to build a life in a community that for years seems to have forgotten about its young people and their needs. But their kind of relationship is less and less common after the war in Bosnia and Herzegovina. They are in the so-called “mixed” relationship. Darko’s parents are Christian Orthodox and Ajla’s are Muslim.
With a view from the Kastel Fortress over the parts of the city where they both grew up, we begin to talk about how their paths intertwined.
A First Kiss To Remember
Darko is six years older than Ajla, but from the moment they met, and almost five years later, he has matured more with her. They met in a club where they both went out regularly. Across the large crowd they noticed each other.
“Banja Luka is full of girls, and you come to the club and someone attracts your attention. Ajla was standing in her corner, and that’s how it started,” Darko recalls, adding that even though he considered himself a “real man,” approaching Ajla was not easy for him – the thought of her refusing him was scary. In the end, he did approach her.
“On one occasion, I had a gig, after which I went to the same club with a friend. Ajla was there again. When we headed home there were two ways to get out. It was easier for me to get out at the other exit, but no, I decided to talk to Ajla. Ajla still had the attitude of an untouchable girl. And in that moment, she looked at me, I looked at her. I said to her, ‘Hi, how are you?’ And she was like, ‘Hiii,’ and that was it,’” they recall.
A few days after that fateful “hi,” Ajla and her friend celebrated March 8th in the same club, and Darko was there as well. But this time he did not approach her due to nervousness, until Ajla’s friend intervened.
“My friend knew all about it and told me to say hi to him. I was full of myself, so I didn’t. At one point, when I bent down, a friend waved him over. And we actually always thank her for that,” says Ajla.
They thought why not have a drink together after that. They remember it with laughter now.
“And we had a drink and that was it. At one point I was with a friend, drinking, joking, and I turned around to look for Ajla – she’s nowhere to be found. I tell him to go home, as there’s no point in being there anymore. I am getting ready to leave when Ajla approaches me from the crowd and kisses me. She said, ‘Well, I can’t leave without saying goodbye to you,’ and turned and left. I was so confused,” Darko recalls.
Although they had a more casual relationship at first, they soon realized that they liked each other and wanted to be together. And so almost five years ago their story began.
“I Fell In Love With Him”
When they met, Darko exactly knew “what” Ajla was.
“Her name said enough about all that. If I had anything against it, I would not have wanted to look at her or meet her.”
“Your ethnicity is not written all over your face. I didn’t know ‘what’ he was. I saw him in the club. I saw a handsome guy. I fell in love with him,” says Ajla. She considers it lucky that she was born after the war, and is grateful to her parents for raising her the way they did.
“My parents stayed here after the war. I grew up with Orthodox friends and it was never said in my house, ‘he is an Orthodox you can’t be with him, or he is a Croat.’ We are all equal, and so that’s how we treat our friends. You can have your religion, but respect others,” she says.
They haven’t been in any awkward situations because of this. At the beginning of their relationship, a bigger problem for Ajla’s family was the age difference between Darko and her. Ajla was 19 at the time.
“My parents were worried that I was too young. And it’s different for your parents when you have someone by your side. I used to tell them many times that it was their fault that we stayed here and that we didn’t leave the country like everyone else. Again, as time went on, they now say that they would not change Darko for anything,” Ajla explains proudly.
Their families celebrate their own religious holidays. Darko and Ajla imagine what it would be like for them in the future.
“Ajla once said, ‘Well, Darko, for God’s sake, when we start our life together, how will we manage all of that?’ I told her that we will celebrate everything,” Darko tells us with a laugh.
They Don’t Care About Comments
Until the war, so-called “mixed” marriages were very common. Now the situation is different. According to data from the entity statistical institutes of Republika Srpska and the Federation of BiH, in 2019 more than 18 thousand marriages were conducted in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Of that number, only about 600 were “mixed.”
“It is impossible to comprehend what happened then. It left trauma to older generations of people who went through hell. My father’s best friend was a Muslim. And they, since the war, have never heard from each other again because he moved away. There were no social networks, there was no way for them to make contact, but my father still talks about him as his own brother. It is also insane to me that based on such stories, I should hate someone. People would ask me and Ajla how we can be together. Well, just like any other couple,” explains Darko. He adds that they are not bothered by those who label their relationship.
“It honestly doesn’t matter to me. What I have with him and what I will build with him are important to me,” Ajla tells us.
“I do not care about other people’s comments. I care about our future. Our kid will be whatever he or she wants to be. If he wants to be a Buddhist, be a Buddhist,” Darko says.
We Are Not Divided By Ethnicity And Religion, But By The Wrong Ideals
“Whoever chooses to be a human, will always be a human. Ethnicity does not matter,” Darko points out, recalling some of the unpleasant situations he’s witnessed in Banja Luka.
A few years ago, he came across a guy from Croatia who was celebrating the New Year in Banja Luka. The guy got lost, and some people gave him wrong directions on purpose. Darko says that he doesn’t understand why people would do that, and that he celebrated the New Year with that guy and his friends in a cafe. They met a few years later at a biker rally and hugged.
He remembers going to Makarska with a friend when they met a girl from Croatia who was playing and singing because she didn’t have money for housing accommodations.
“She wanted to play there to make money and pay for a night. And we wanted to help her so we offered to play for her while she sang, and whatever we earned would be hers. And she earned enough for two days of accommodation. And at that moment, an old grandmother approached us, and she left us some money in the guitar case and there was a comment, ‘Are you all ‘ours,’ children?’ And I said, ‘Yes, we are all ‘ours!’” Darko recalls.
“We are not divided by ethnicity, religion. We are divided by people and wrong ideals and that is what is worst – the ideals of the older generations. Especially the ideals of the generation that lived in ‘brotherhood and unity,’” concludes Darko.
Ajla adds that a large number of young people from Bosnia and Herzegovina are leaving the country. When they move to Germany, for example, all their differences are forgotten.
“My friend, who went to Germany, told me that happiness you feel when you meet someone who speaks your language is indescribable – they don’t call it Bosnian, Croatian or Serbian but ‘ours.’ You only notice that when you go somewhere else,” she concludes.
The Neighborhood Kids Didn’t Want To Play With Her Because Of Her Name
Ajla tells us they are lucky to have “normal” people around them, who have always been supportive and have not made things awkward around them.
“I have two best friends, one of them is Muslim and we all get along just fine. They were always supportive and have pushed me forward. And when I think about our future, I just remember that I have amazing friends.”
But it wasn’t always like that. Ajla was born in 1996 and remembers that other children used to be rude to her just because of her name.
“I remember when I would go out in front of the building kids would run away from me because of my name and because their parents told them that we were Muslims. These situations were common in elementary school as well. I can tell you that it is much easier for me now. Sometimes I am thankful for such situations in my childhood, since they strengthened me,” says Ajla. She also says that she does not feel sorry for the older generations. “Their time is gone. It is the youth we should be worried about.”
She attended Orthodox religious classes in elementary school. She remembers that it was interesting for her to draw and color in those classes, and that her religious teacher adored her. Prior to that, she went to Mekteb.
The Coronavirus Pandemic Strengthened Their Relationship
At the beginning of their relationship, Darko had just left his job as a professor and started working as a manager in a cafe in Banja Luka. Ajla was also working at the time, except for a short period when she did not have a job. They say that back then they had more free time to spend together than now.
Now Darko has fixed working hours, while Ajla sometimes works the morning shift and sometimes the night shift. Occasionally Darko comes to pick her up when her shift finishes, just to see her for at least 15 minutes.
“When we both have same days off, we mostly spend the whole day together, either hiking or on a trip out of town,” says Ajla. Darko adds that the coronavirus epidemic has strengthened their relationship.
“The pandemic actually helped our relationship. I had the opportunity to work from home. I do everything till noon and I have no more obligations. And then we spend the day together.” They were constantly trying to find new places to see, and during the first corona virus lockdown they say they refreshed their relationship.
“It gave us back the relationship we had when we first met. We had handfuls of time for each other again,” says Darko.
The Secret To A Successful Relationship Is Love
Looking at Ajla, Darko proudly points out that he has an honest, fair, hard-working and dedicated person by his side. Ajla says that Darko is a hard-working person too, but a big prankster. “He does not know how to give up. It’s love!” Through laughter they add that sometimes, of course, they annoy each other. As long as they have each other, they have love.
Darko jokingly says the secret of their successful relationship is that Ajla puts up with him. However, he agrees with Ajla that love is the most important thing there is.
“We have often commented that rarely could anyone endure some of things that we have been through. For example, my immaturity at the beginning of the relationship, as I was 19 years old. We have had to adjust to one another,” says Ajla. Darko says that it is important to have will, desire, love, and – Ajla adds – respect. Without that, no relationship can function.
“First comes respect, then friendship, then everything else. If you have no respect for someone and you are not friends, it is difficult to build anything, especially at the beginning of a relationship. If it disappears, then everything is in vain. If someone has no respect for me and who I am…then nothing makes sense,” concludes Ajla.
In Sarajevo I Feel At Home
Since Darko plays in several bands, Ajla goes to his concerts regularly. The only exceptions are concerts where accommodation is not provided or if she has to work. Through his music career, Darko met many different people from all over the world.
“We are playing in Sarajevo in the Under Club. We are playing the Peppers and 500 people from Sarajevo are coming to the concert. Of those 500 people, 300 are Muslims, 200 are Croats or foreigners. When I go there, I feel at home. There is no need to label people,” Darko says. “I can’t hide that I’m a Serbian Orthodox,” he adds.
The Government Will Not Initiate Necessary, Positive Changes
They both believe that we live in a time in which the wrong things are valued. Darko is a sociologist by profession, and he finds that you can’t convince anyone of anything, as everyone has their own belief about what is most important. For him, respect is a priority.
“I believe that respect is something you will [learn at] home. And if I manage to raise my kid with that sincerity and humanity, then that will be passed on to my grandkids, that trait will stand out. It will be tough, that’s for sure, but your dignity will help you to understand others more easily, to respect others, regardless of whether you will get anything at all in return,” he says. Ajla adds that it is important to have the will and strength to fight through life.
When it comes to Bosnian society and the country’s value system, the situation does not inspire hope for a brighter future. Interethnic tensions are strong thanks to the rhetoric of those in power, something which has not changed much since the 1990s.
“Everybody wants a piece of cake, only for themselves. It’s always been like that. Unfortunately, everything that was supposed to be better is getting worse for us and I believe it will stay that way. I doubt that much will change, as much as I would like it to,” says Ajla.
“One person who understands you is enough. That is enough for your world. You let go of the need to prove yourself to others. 6 years ago, I wanted to be good enough for everyone, so that everyone knew that I played well, that everyone knew that I drew well, but it doesn’t matter anymore,” concludes Darko.
Build A Wall Around Your World
They both believe that the most important thing today is to have people with you with whom you share the same value system, and to try not to pay attention to the negative influences that come from outside.
“If you have your ideals, you should build them yourself and with someone you love and who loves you. I don’t think that you should close yourself in, but you have to have your own wall around your world, so it does not break under outside pressure,” explains Darko.
Darko and Ajla are currently waiting for their financial situation to improve so that they can start living together. As a young couple in an unsettled state like Bosnia, they wage existential and systemic battles like most of their peers. Their love and respect for each other can serve as an example to all those who continue persistently trying to separate fellow citizens into ‘ours’ and ‘theirs.’
Text editing: Balkan Diskurs team; Photography: Mitar Simikić; Photo Editor: Dr. Paul Lowe.
This story is part of the “Love Tales” project implemented by the Post-Conflict Research Center (PCRC) with a group of Balkan Diskurs youth correspondents. The project is implemented with financial support from the VII Academy, the BOLD program of the US Embassy in BiH, and PCRC’s core grants, with the aim of challenging the common narrative that real connections between Bosnia’s different ethnic groups are unattainable by documenting stories of successful interethnic relationships across the country.

created: March 8th, 2021

author: Anja Zulić


text:
Between Dayton and the EU: The Road Ahead through the Eyes of Young European Ambassadors | Balkan Diskurs
Laura Lamberti
March 18th, 2021
On March 1, 2021, the 11th meeting of the Stabilisation and Association Council between the EU and Albania took place. This was the first SA Council meeting since their decision to open accession negotiations for Albania in March 2020. While North Macedonia, Albania, Serbia and Montenegro are in the process of integrating EU legislation into national law, Bosnia Herzegovina and Kosovo still lag behind as potential candidates.
This past November, for the occasion of the 25th anniversary of the Dayton Accords, EU High Representative Josep Borrell made a visit to Sarajevo and was welcomed by an audience that included representatives of the Young European Ambassadors Program. YEA is part of the EU Regional Communication Programme for the Western Balkans, which selects youth leaders to be part of a “creative network of future young game changers from across the Western Balkans.”
“Membership in the European Union alone is not as important as the process of European integration, which I expect to be a metamorphosis of our country. Once we go through this path and reach the desired goal (EU membership), Bosnia and Herzegovina will be a much more functional state with a strengthened democracy and rule of law,” said Young European Ambassador Džulisa Otuzbir, a 25-year-old from Travnik. Otuzbir maintains that Bosnia’s path to accession, including when and how the country will meet the European Commission’s requirements, depends on BiH’s political will.
But Miloš Kovačević, a 25-year-old Young European Ambassador from the Bosnian entity of Republika Srpska, expressed more reservations on the matter. “We got the opinion and all we have to do is to finish our tasks. Still, what we can see from both the past and from the present is that even if you show good will and results there can be some other EU member state that can block and stop the whole process,” he points out.
Otuzbir and Kovačević both said that they see the country’s integration process as a long one, whose finish line is still far away. In the 2019 Commission Opinion on Bosnia and Herzegovina’s application for membership to the European Union, the Commission states that “the country faces a number of structural issues stemming from its complex institutional set-up coupled with ethnicity-related procedures that adversely affect its functionality.” In the wake of the 25th Anniversary of the Dayton/Paris General Framework Agreement for Peace (GFAP), the fourth annex to which is the country’s Constitution, Otuzbir and Kovačević both spoke about what obstacles Dayton’s legacy poses to EU integration.
“Regardless of the constitutional obstacles that may be holding us back on our European path, we can certainly focus on what we have on the table and work under the framework of our Constitution,” said Otuzbir, who highlighted the country’s economic progress in recent years, something that was also praised by the European Commission in their latest report. Kovačević, who underlined the importance of both domestic agreement and the international community’s role in paving the way post-Dayton, said that “there are still a lot of open questions that our political elite are not willing to close, as those issues are giving them a lot of material to talk about when it comes to their reelection.”
Local elections held in November saw increased support for opposition parties in major cities and municipalities. Otuzbir said that many see the local elections as the beginning of a potential shift in the country’s political scene, as a prelude to the next 2022 general elections. Otuzbir, however, was more cautious in making predictions, and focused rather on what her hopes are in the long-term. “Although these elections have brought changes mainly in larger cities, I consider this a good sign and hope that this trend will spread to smaller cities throughout Bosnia and Herzegovina,” she said.
Kovačević agreed that more than one election cycle should be held before jumping to any conclusions. “The only repercussion that I can see, for now, after this election, regarding BiH’s domestic future, is uncertainty and a lot of space for manipulation in preparation for General Elections in 2022,” he said.
One thing neither Otuzbir nor Kovačević shied away from praisingis the role of civil society and young people in building up Bosnia’s political future. “Young people are the foundation of our society. They are the future of this state, the initiators and bearers of change,” said Otuzbir. She added that the value of youth has been recognized in recent years. Several initiatives, projects, networks and partnerships have shaped young leaders who are already breaking down barriers and prejudices in their communities. She indicated that the Young European Ambassador program is a perfect example of this.
“My personal point of view is that civil society is playing a more important role than we think. Civil society organizations are dealing with and opening up a lot more important questions and issues in this country than authorities and legal representatives,” said Kovačević, on a similar note.
While the Western Balkans continue to work towards European integration, an article published on European Media Lab’s Euractiv Foundation’s website this past January predicts that “no significant breakthrough is expected in terms of the EU’s enlargement agenda this year. But the EU’s ability to assuage the region’s feelings of vaccine abandonment will be crucial for keeping the bloc’s credibility in the Western Balkans.”

created: March 18th, 2021

author: Laura Lamberti


text:
Equal Partnership As The Secret To A Successful Marriage | Balkan Diskurs
Kristina Gadže
March 25th, 2021
Maja Gasal Vražalica, age 37, and Sanjin Vražalica, age 44, from Sarajevo grew up in Berlin, Germany due to the war in Bosnia and Herzegovina in the 1990s. They met there as children.
Childhood in Berlin
Sanjin’s family fled from Sarajevo, and Maja’s from Livno. They lived in the same neighborhood in Berlin when their friendship began. Sanjin was 16 at the time and Maja was 9 years old. After some time, their families returned to their Bosnian hometowns, maintaining contact all the while. Maja moved to Sarajevo for her studies, renewing her acquaintance with Sanjin.
Renewed acquaintance and a fateful meeting in Sarajevo resulted in marriage. Today, they live and work in Sarajevo, counting 13 years of happy marriage. They have a twelve-year-old son, Sergej.
Sanjin says that Maja is “a person with a strong sense of justice,” who is ready to help anyone “even at the expense of herself.” According to Maja, Sanjin is “beautiful, handsome, positive, flexible, open, emotional…a family man.”
They Did Not Think About Ethnicity While Choosing A Partner
Maja realized very early on that she would never think about ethnicity when choosing a partner. She was sure of it after returning from Berlin to Livno, where her family is from.
“A spark of revolt or [strong] emotion awakened in me when I realized that people here do not choose love for love, but the most important thing for them is ‘what your ethnicity is.’ I realized I could never be a spouse in a ‘pure’ ethnic marriage.”
Their parents are also in multiethnic marriages. Maja’s father is a Muslim and her mother a Catholic, and Sanjin’s father is a Muslim, and his mother is Orthodox.
“I cared more about emotional and physical attraction, although what she mentions was very important to me as well. Ethnicity is a more intense issue in Livno, as it is a smaller city,” adds  Sanjin.
Sanjin says that of all the challenges they have faced, the greatest occurred right before their marriage.
“Three days before the wedding, nothing was done completely and everything was hanging in the air. So, I organized everything, which was exhausting. The wedding was at 10 a.m., and she arranged for a photo shoot around 9 a.m. and I could not sleep at all. She got dressed and was really beautiful, and I was on my last legs. And the photographer says, ‘smile,’ and I couldn’t smile because I looked like nothing,” Sanjin recalls.
They Returned To A Divided Bosnian Society
Maja and her sister grew up in an open-minded family, with respect and love for others. But after the war, upon their return to BiH, they came to a community where they were first asked “what they are” and “who they will choose to be.”
Maja says that these questions burdened her. Love for her is not, as she says, converting someone to your own religion. That would restrict their freedom. “And maybe that’s why I liked Sanjin at the first place, apart from the fact that we knew each other for so long. That helped with our relationship. In addition, there was certainly physical and emotional attraction, which helped,” adds Maja.
A Marriage In Which You Keep Your Individuality
She knew that Sanjin’s family wouldn’t ask them whether they’d have a religious wedding, or whether they’d baptize or circumcise their kids.
She says that it was a relief to be in a marriage where she can keep being who she is. “As a child growing up in a mixed marriage, and as someone who is in such a marriage, that understanding is very positive, something that has contributed a lot for us in terms of openness with each other, empathy and respect for each other and our differences,” says Maja.
They state that it is important for their son to decide things in his life for himself. “Our child can be anything he thinks he wants to be, after reading all the books he needs and creating his own culture, religion, and so on. It will never be a problem for us to accept whoever he presents to us tomorrow, his chosen one or a friend,” says Maja.
Tolerance And Coexistence Are Not Encouraged Enough In New Generations
Sanjin says that Maja was always politically active, and that he sees the difference between her early activism and her work today. He points out that through her entering politics he saw everything she encountered in the state parliament. Since then, all his hopes that it is possible to significantly change the situation in the country have been shattered.
They believe that the promotion of multiculturalism, tolerance, and coexistence in the media, but also in social and political life, is less and less present. “When I think of current cultural and political developments, I am worried. The actors who shape our destiny have become so arrogant. Everything is so disgusting. I can say that I do not notice positive promotions of these values. But in my small world, there are healthy topics, healthy communication and a healthy, critical view of things around us,” says Sanjin.
Maja, on the other hand, states that support for multiethnicity occurs exclusively through non-governmental organizations and international organizations that want to connect it with reconciliation, inclusion, and the building of a democratic society.
“Nowadays all institutions and educational programs are seemingly for tolerance, and the entities and cantons have their own separate programs. Even reading list in schools across one canton is different. We are all aware of this. We tacitly agree with it, building our own small world. But I think that the generations to come are more radical towards inclusion, even in the marital sense, than we were in the 1990s. These kinds of marriages are not promoted. This project shows that we are an exception in society,” explains Maja.
Challenges Of Raising A Child In A Divided Society
Maja believes that it was easier for their parents to be in a multiethnic marriage than to convert to another religion.
“We have always hung out with people who are tolerant and have not experienced any condemnation. But what I have noticed through Sergej’s upbringing and education is that Sergej is a minority,” explains Maja.
She speaks about the negative experience of their son, who has been labeled by his peers.
“He grows up and goes to school in the capital. But he is called a Serb in the park because of his name. At the beginning he was confused about why he would be called like that. On the other hand, he had a situation where he was called ‘gay’ because his name ends up with ‘gej.’ He wanted to change his name after that.”
“Both of us have dynamic jobs. I’m often on the road, and Maja on the other hand is very busy. Sometimes it looks pretty hectic. Sergej has already grown up, so he stays home alone, and I drive him to training. I would say that we have a completely normal day like all other families,” says Sanjin.
Maja states that in addition to what she does, she tries to spend time with Sanjin and Sergej, but also with their family scattered around the world. She spends a lot of time re-educating their son because the school curricula is limited.
“Textbooks do not encourage critical thinking, and parents who do not want their children to stay within the present framework must invest a lot in their child through conversation. It requires continuous work, frustration, especially for me who finished primary school in Germany in an open system. There was talk on acceptance, sex education, reproductive organs, contraception…” Maja explains in detail.
The Secret To A Successful Marriage
Maja points out that the key to their successful marriage is the absence of discrimination. There is just love and passion. “I would not know how to deal with oppression in a marriage or where I am not accepted as a person with my own views. In a broader context, the secret lies in non-nationalism, family support, and respect.”
Sanjin says that it is necessary to build an equal partnership. “This is a partnership. I was raised to help my partner. We help each other.”
He points out that it is worth fighting for family because, as he says, it is an essential foundation from which every person grows.
“The family should not just be for the sake of marriage. We are taught that when we get married, we have to put up with everything because that is the life we chose. I think it is worth fighting for respect, equal partnership, and freedom for both partners in every sense. Regardless of marriage, everyone has their own life with their friends, family, so it’s not ‘just me and him,’” adds Maja.
It Is Necessary To Be Open To The ‘Other’ And The ‘Different’
Young people are told that they do not need to look at who is who and to break free from the shackles of tradition and family, which, they believe, would prevent them from living their lives fully.
“The most basic message is not to be limited, because that is disastrous, especially in our community. To be ready for something different, to be open, communicative, and exchange experiences with each other is what we need to be,” concludes Sanjin.
Although Maja believes that their son will not continue his life in Bosnia and Herzegovina, the family’s fighting spirit, activism, and experience so far can make a change. Maja and Sanjin are proof of how people who return to BiH and apply their knowledge can cope with the system for a better tomorrow. They are examples of how love is not defined by what is written on a birth certificate.
Text editing: Balkan Diskurs team; Photography: Mitar Simikić; Photo Editor: Dr. Paul Lowe.
This story is part of the “Love Tales” project implemented by the Post-Conflict Research Center (PCRC) with a group of Balkan Diskurs youth correspondents. The project is implemented with financial support from the VII Academy, the BOLD program of the US Embassy in BiH, and PCRC’s core grants, with the aim of challenging the common narrative that real connections between Bosnia’s different ethnic groups are unattainable by documenting stories of successful interethnic relationships across the country.

created: March 25th, 2021


text:
“My Best Friend” | Balkan Diskurs
Azra Berbić
April 12th, 2021
Love for A from Sarajevo and D from Čačak means respect. For two years now, these two twenty-three-year-olds have been building their love story on respect, overcoming all obstacles and prejudices.
It Was Just Another Tinder Date
A and D met, as they say themselves, on a gloomy autumn day in Tuzla, mostly out of boredom. They now believe that D’s arrival in Tuzla was destiny, just like the first contact they made on Tinder.
“D had a friend in Tuzla who begged her for a long time to come to Tuzla, but D never wanted to. So, the friend literally started the car, went to pick her up in Serbia and brought D to Tuzla. She basically kidnapped her. I lived in the center of the city at the time. And literally two days before, out of fun, I installed Tinder for myself,” A recalls.
“I was on Tinder because I travel a lot. I’m always out of the country and that’s how I meet people,” adds D.
They say that they did not have any romantic interest in each other during their first meeting, but they continued to hang out and get to know each other. They started a relationship after some time.
“We didn’t get along at all, but we continued to see each other again,” says D.
“She stayed longer in Tuzla because of me. And so I immediately went to Čačak with her. I just packed up and left,” says A.
Their Families Support Them
They met each other’s families at the beginning of their relationship. They are happy because they have their support, especially because they are aware that this is not always common.
Their parents love their partners and they all hang out often. This, of course, was preceded by getting to know each other and gaining trust.
“D visited me for the first time sometime around the New Year. My mom and my sister knew I was gay, I told them. My dad didn’t know, although I think he was very much aware of it,” says A.
D explains that it was clear to her family that it was not just a friendly relationship between her and A, but that her sisters talked to her father about it first.
“They talked to him. We have yet to talk about it. But he knows about A. Even our parents talk to one another, they hang out,” D proudly points out.
A Difficult Path To Accepting This Part Of Their Identity
They explain that although they were lucky to be accepted by their parents, it was challenging at the beginning.
A first came out to her mom and sister while still in high school. She was not met with understanding at first. She was even beaten up and locked in a room. But she did not give up her fight.
“I am who I am. I did not give up. I deliberately brought girls into our house. I did everything to show [them] that this is okay. Even though some of those girls were just friends, we weren’t in a relationship,” recalls A.
After some time, her mother accepted her for who she is, but other doubts and worries arose.
“My mom was worried that I would not finish college. She feared I would choose a life on the street. But life goes on, no matter who I am, a lesbian or not. Still, I had to persuade them that everything will be okay,” concludes A.
D’s experience was not much better. Her sister, without her consent and knowledge, told their parents about D’s sexuality when she was not yet ready for it.
“She pretended to accept me as such, only to deliberately tell our parents,” recalls D.
But she was patient, and her family’s acceptance came gradually. She adds that even in her hometown people are not so open at first, but in the end, they accept people from the LGBTIQ community.
“Čačak is a bigger city, but not as open to diversity as Belgrade, or Novi Sad. In the beginning, different people are always attacked, always in the center of attention. They are torn to pieces, but in the end, people get used to it,” says D.
“But that doesn’t mean acceptance, it’s just tolerance, and that’s the problem – they will never accept you. I have decided not to come out at work. I work with children and I think I would have a problem. Children are not the problem, but their parents,” concludes A.
Society Still Does Not Fully Accept Differences
The two of them try to get to know the culture and customs of the other as much as possible and share them with their families. But they point out that society is still not open to differences, primarily because of wartime traumas. Being a lesbian only further complicates their position in society.
“They say that they accept it, but the reality is different. People are quite poisoned by their past traumas,” explains D.
“D and I learn everything from each other regarding our traditions, religions. I asked her what the Christmas customs are. Once her relative asked me if women in our country are circumcised at birth as men are. I was shocked by the question, but I don’t blame her. I mean, I was the first Muslim woman that her family met,” says A.
Although they are currently together in Bosnia and Herzegovina, they say that they will leave if the opportunity comes because they still cannot fully enjoy all their rights and live freely here.
“We cannot get married, cannot have children. If we want these things, we have to leave Bosnia,” says A.
“If given the chance, we would leave,” adds D.
People Are More Open To The LGBTIQ Community, But That Is Still Not Enough
People believe that there is a better acceptance of the LGBTIQ community in our societies, but that is still not enough.
“We want respect. It is important to me that there comes a period in my life when people would at least know what this means. The situation is different from 10 years ago, I see progress,” A points out.
D says that this change happened thanks to NGOs fighting for human rights, including the rights of the LGBTIQ community. But despite all these efforts, A and D still cannot fully enjoy their rights.
“In Sarajevo, there is the  Association and the  Foundation. Without these associations we would be nowhere. We would remain invisible. It’s a small group of people. I know them all. I hang out with them. I’m really grateful that there is someone who does something for us,” says A.
They advise young people from the LGBTIQ community to try to have a circle of trusted friends and a safe zone. There are always organizations they can turn to for help if they need it.
Coming out to others is one of the most important, but also the most difficult, steps for any person who is part of the LGBTIQ community. However, they believe that it is necessary to encourage yourself to take such a step and to never agree to it if you are not completely ready.
“My advice is to get ready for that moment and to make sure that no one steals that moment from you like it happened to D,” says A.
“It will happen only if you accept yourself first,” adds D.
Love Before Flags
They believe that the secret to their successful relationship is respect, understanding, and open communication. Respect and understanding are something all post-war societies need. Divisions deepen when societies do not deal with the trauma people have gone through. Now, new generations in the Western Balkans are suffering because of this.
“There is lack of proper education, a lack of greater social support for people who experienced trauma in the war and post-war period. These traumas do not necessarily mean that someone is poisoned with hatred, but simply that he is not ready to get rid of the evil happening in the past,” explains A.
D says that parents may not teach young people to hate each other, but because of the traumas they have gone through, they pass that trauma on to the next generation. They teach them to shy away from each other. Yet both A and D believe that it is also the next generation’s responsibility to move away from this, to grow and to learn about others in a healthier way.
“Mom sometimes cries when she remembers the war, so we talk about it. We watch war movies today, and they always refer to the aggressor side. But then we sit down, me, D, and mom, and discuss it,” A explains.
D adds that it is all about open conversation.
“Both of us have difficult personalities. However, we agreed a long time ago to respect each other. The rest will come easy. I am especially pleased that we have no shame in front of each other. We sit down, drink coffee, and tell each other everything,” A proudly points out.
“Respect is the definition of every love,” concludes D.
Text editing: Balkan Diskurs team; Photography: Armin Durgut; Photo Editor: Dr. Paul Lowe.
This story is part of the “Love Tales” project implemented by the Post-Conflict Research Center (PCRC) with a group of Balkan Diskurs youth correspondents. The project is implemented with financial support from the VII Academy, the BOLD program of the US Embassy in BiH, and PCRC’s core grants, with the aim of challenging the common narrative that real connections between Bosnia’s different ethnic groups are unattainable by documenting stories of successful interethnic relationships across the country.

created: April 12th, 2021

author: Azra Berbić


text:
The State Of Roma Human Rights In The Balkans | Balkan Diskurs
Amina Sejfić | Benisa Bibuljica
April 15th, 2021
Several leading experts and activists came together to review the current state of Roma human rights. Over the course of three panels, the conference featured educational presentations, inspirational speeches, and a short documentary about the everyday challenges Roma endure.
The Harriman Institute at Columbia University and the Kupferberg Holocaust Center at CUNY joined forces to celebrate International Roma Day on the 8th of April by holding a conference on the state of Roma human rights in Europe and the Balkans.
The conference featured a distinguished panel of guests who are working to advance the human rights and dignity of Roma people.
International Roma Day was officially declared in Poland in 1990, during the fourth World Romani Congress. The day was chosen in honor of the first major international meeting of Roma representatives, which occurred from the 7-12of April in London in 1971. This year, The Roma celebrated 50 years since the first World Romani Congress in 1971. The Council of Europe Commissioner for Human Rights, Dunja Mijatović, issued the following statement to mark International Roma Day:
“Violations of the human rights of Roma and Travelers continue. Not enough has been done to combat deeply-entrenched discrimination against Roma in all areas of life and to tackle anti-gypsyism, including century-old stereotypes and racist biases which have translated into institutional racism. This holds true for countries of the European Union, as for the other Council of Europe member states, including countries of the Western Balkans.”
allowfullscreen="true" style="border:0;" sandbox="allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox">
In agreement, the European Director of the Civil Rights Defenders, Goran Miletić, claimed that “there is less interest in Europe, not only in the Balkans but the entire Europe, to work on improvement of human rights.”
There is indeed a shameful lack of implementation of the human rights of Roma, the largest minority in Europe. Roma continue to experience pervasive discrimination in all fields of life, fed by rampant anti-gypsyism.
The Post-Conflict Research Center’s President, Velma Šarić, participated as a panelist on the second panel, “A Roma Educational Project In Bosnia And Herzegovina,” by presenting the project “On the margins.”
“The project is supposed to provide Roma with a place on which they could share their difficult life stories and everyday challenges they face in our society. The project is unique because it was created to challenge the negative perceptions and stereotypes that exist. Views and personal testimonies presented in the project are rough contradictions to widespread stereotypes and misperceptions about Roma, and it encourages the audience to reconsider their attitudes and prejudices about this unique and diverse community,” Velma said.
“On the margins” consists of four components: a photo project, a travelling exhibition, a photobook, and a documentary.
allowfullscreen="true" style="border:0;" sandbox="allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox">
Following a brief introduction, PCRC presented the photo project #OnTheMargins, which illustrates widespread stereotypes about Roma and then breaks them down for the audience. The photo project sheds light on the fact that the majority of narratives about Roma are created by non-Roma.
Following Mirko Pincelli‘s statement that “those communities hold much more positive impact on our own independent communities than what we think,” the audience had an opportunity to watch a teaser of the documentary, A Magic Village, which portrays the issues Roma face from birth to adulthood, which include sex slavery, poor living conditions, exclusion from education, and many others. The documentary shows the other side of the coin – a marginalized Roma family struggling to survive in a world that is diminishing and dehumanizing them.
As much as the path Roma have treaded has been marked by injustice, stereotypes, discrimination and exclusion, it has also been filled with happiness, pride and laughter. Deniz Selmani, Co-Founder and Program Director of Romalitico Skopje, said that “despite all the items of persecution, expulsion and exclamation, we as Roma have successfully preserved our language, culture and tradition.” And, undoubtedly, their identity makes the European melting pot richer and more exciting.
allowfullscreen="true" style="border:0;" sandbox="allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox">
Dalibor Tanić, Roma activist and Editor-in-Chief of UDAR, a regional Roma multimedia portal, spoke about the importance of highlighting the success stories of Roma people.
The 8th of April is a day to celebrate Roma culture and raise awareness for the issues that Roma people face. Ultimately, this helps to combat these issues. The entire world needs to utilize this day and remember its obligations to provide legal, social, and political tools to enable Roma to free themselves from long-established injustices.

created: April 15th, 2021

author: Amina Sejfić | Benisa Bibuljica


text:
MIR Multimedia Competition | Balkan Diskurs
Balkan Diskurs
April 15th, 2021
The Post-Conflict Research Center (PCRC) invites young people from the Western Balkans (Albania, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Montenegro, Serbia, Northern Macedonia and Kosovo) to submit creative multimedia content on topics related to peace, reconciliation, and intercultural understanding in the Western Balkans.
The works submitted within this competition will be presented on the Balkan Diskurs platform, and the winning works will be published in the new MIR magazine. This printed magazine will present stories and alternative views on society, history, culture, inequality, human rights, justice and politics in Bosnia and Herzegovina and the Western Balkans, with the goal of showcasing our region to both local and international audiences. The magazine will be published in 2021 in Bosnian and English, and its development is supported by King’s College London, the London School of Economics and Political Science, the University of the Arts London, VII Academy, and PCRC’s Development Grants.
AWARDS:
Nine winners will be selected in total. The top three works in each of the three categories listed below will be awarded the following cash prizes:
REQUIREMENTS:
DEADLINE: July 15th, 2021
GUIDELINES:
The following types of multimedia content are acceptable:
– VISUAL CONTENT I (drawings, illustrations, and cartoons)
– VISUAL CONTENT II (photographs and other graphics)
– ESSAY OR SHORT STORY (500 – 1000 words).
The work you create can be in colored in any tone – witty, educational, personal, inspiring, emotional, etc. It is only important that the content is inspired and related to the ideas of peace, reconciliation and intercultural understanding in the Western Balkans. WE WELCOME CREATIVITY!
RULES FOR SENDING THE APPLICATION:
Applications for the competition should be sent to [email protected] with the subject line as “MIR Multimedia competition”. The following should be sent in the email:
– Visual content in high resolution (150dpi – 300dpi) or text as a TXT file.
– A short description of the submission (1 – 3 sentences).
– Applicant’s personal information: full name, date of birth, city and country of residence.
– Applicant’s confirmation that PCRC and Balkan Diskurs have permission to use the submitted content for the needs of MIR magazine (1 sentence).
WINNER ANNOUNCEMENT:
Winners will be announced by the end of August 2021.
FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE COMPETITION AND TO SEE WHEN THE WINNERS ARE ANNOUNCED, FOLLOW PCRC AND BALKAN DISKURS SOCIAL NETWORKS @pcrcbih & @balkandiskurs.

author: Balkan Diskurs


text:
Life Is Beautiful When You Are In Love | Balkan Diskurs
Mirnes Bakija
April 23rd, 2021
They met three years ago, and ever since then their life has been colored with new meaning. The love they feel for each other gives them strength, will, and faith. Arijana and Marko from Jajce both have disabilities, but their blindness does not hinder them from setting life goals which they bravely chase.
An Assistive Phone Was Their Cupid
When Arijana got her first assistive phone for the blind and visually impaired, she didn’t know how to use it. She says she asked around town about who could help her. They recommended she talk to Marko, who had been using an assistive phone for some time. When she contacted him, he invited her to come to his place. Marko then said he would keep the phone for a while to prepare it for her to use.
“He called me after a few days to tell me the phone was ready. When I came to him, he played some music. I remember we sang a little bit and I found that attractive. He asked me if I would ever come to his place for coffee without my mother. Since I never go out alone, he told me not to worry and that he would send a taxi to pick me up,” Arijana recalls. After several meetings, they decided to start a relationship.
Arijana says that she has always wanted to meet someone like herself, so that they can share experiences. She has always wanted someone who would understand her. She often talked about it with her family, and they told her that she should not expect anything. She never gave up and believed she would find what she was looking for. She says life is very beautiful when you truly love someone, and as soon as she met Marko, she knew he was the one.
“He is a great gentleman, and all my life I was looking for someone like him. Everything I’ve ever wanted I’ve found in him. He is good, honest, sincere,” adds Arijana with a smile.
After the third date with Arijana, Marko knew that she was the person he had been looking for all of his life. He says that she is special and unique, and proudly adds, “You don’t have to go anywhere to look for love. It knocks on your door by itself. Arijana exceeded my expectations. All I needed was her.”
Lack Of Support From Family And Friends
Marko says he has never distinguished people by ethnicity or by any other identity. But despite his acceptance of differences, more than 90 percent of his loved ones were against his relationship with Arijana because she is a Muslim, and he is Catholic. Still, his principles prevailed, and he was willing to fight for love.
Arijana also never saw people through ethnicity alone. Until the war, she didn’t even know what nationality she belonged to, so for her entire life people were either “good” or “bad.” Arijana has sisters who are in “mixed” marriages. However, when she saw that Marko’s family did not completely agree with their relationship, she tried her best to make the situation better.
“When Marko and I had an engagement party, his mother was also there. I hugged her and told her that we had decided [to get engaged] and that we wanted to start living together. I told her not to worry, and that once she meets me, she will see for herself who I truly am,” explains Arijana.
Discrimination Against Their Love
They point out that politics, religious leaders, and the media do not try to promote tolerance, respect, or mixed marriages. Arijana says she feels segregated and that her sister Emina can’t find a job just because she’s in a mixed marriage. They agree that divisions in our society are unnecessary and harmful to all of us.
“I had these conversations with my sister’s children because they used to come home crying. Other children teased them because their mother is Muslim. I told them that we are all flesh and blood, and that they [should] never pay attention to what others say,” explains Arijana.
Jajce is located in the Central Bosnia Canton, where one will see the so-called “two schools under one roof” phenomenon. Here primary school children are still segregated on the basis of their nationality. Children attend classes separately and follow two different curricula. This encourages national divisions and impacts the daily lives of both the younger people in Jajce and all of its other citizens.
The couple has encountered various prejudices from people in their community. On one occasion, Arijana could not install Viber on her phone, so she contacted the Cultural and Artistic Association Jajce, of which she was a member, using Marko’s number, so she could stay informed about their events, namely their choir rehearsals.
“My friend who works in the Association accepted Marko’s request, but a few minutes later Marko was removed from the group because other members had complained about him being a member there. Later, they called me directly when the rehearsals took place. Nationalism is really everywhere. But I love to sing so I don’t pay attention to anything else,” says Arijana.
Marko says that the war in the region brought division among peoples. People have developed prejudices and misconceptions. Arijana believes that the greatest pressure is exerted by parents and relatives on young people choosing a partner. He says it rarely happens that a young person has complete freedom in choosing a partner with whom he wants to spend his life. People often do not raise their children in a spirit of togetherness.
They Look Forward To Every New Day They Spend Together
They say they celebrate all holidays and have many reasons to rejoice. Arijana tells us that since she has always been surrounded by mixed marriages, she is already used to the beauty of celebrating different religious holidays.
A song is something very special to Arijana.
“So far I have sung at a lot of charity concerts and I am very proud of that. Lately in our Association we have much less activity due to the pandemic, but I sincerely hope that we will work more soon. We sing sevdah, and when the diaspora comes various gatherings are organized. It is always a nice atmosphere,” she says.
The number of mixed marriages in Bosnia and Herzegovina is significantly lower than before the war. In 2018, the Prime Communications Agency published a survey of Bosnia’s perspective on mixed marriages. According to that survey, as many as 38.7 percent of Bosnian citizens oppose this type of marital union.
Arijana and Marko are not worried about such a survey, because they have many reasons to look forward to living together and try to enjoy each day together to the maximum.
“We have a wonderful time. We enjoy each other’s company by simply sitting close to each other, having lunch together, or singing,” Arijana concludes.
Text editing: Balkan Diskurs team; Photography: Mitar Simikić; Photo Editor: Dr. Paul Lowe.
This story is part of the “Love Tales” project implemented by the Post-Conflict Research Center (PCRC) with a group of Balkan Diskurs youth correspondents. The project is implemented with financial support from the VII Academy, the BOLD program of the US Embassy in BiH, and PCRC’s core grants, with the aim of challenging the common narrative that real connections between Bosnia’s different ethnic groups are unattainable by documenting stories of successful interethnic relationships across the country.

created: April 23rd, 2021

author: Mirnes Bakija


text:
We Love One Another And That’s It | Balkan Diskurs
Anja Zulić
May 12th, 2021
Adisa and Vehid Ahmedović have been married for 27 years. They say it feels like they have been married for at least twice as much. Because they work together they are always next to each other. They were both born in Kakanj, where they still live today. They got married at a young age. Vehid, known as Crni, was 23 at the time, and Adisa was 18. They got married during the war in Bosnia and Herzegovina, in 1993.
Crni is of Roma ethnicity, and points out that he does not mind that nickname, meaning “Black” in English. He jokingly adds that people tried to guess his real name to win a prize because everyone here knows him as Crni.
The Two’s Meeting
Adisa is a hairdresser and wigmaker by profession, and Crni graduated from mechanical school. Since Vahid always wanted to be a hairdresser, his career took a turn. They believe that it was their job that brought them together; they met in a hair salon where Crni had already worked, and where Adisa later got a job. They immediately grew fond of each other.
“We had fun for a year and a half and once we fell in love, we just went on with our relationship,” Crni recalls.
The phrase “opposites attract” perfectly describes their relationship. Adisa, describing Crni, says that he is good, positive, calm, and shy.
“Adisa is energetic, hyperactive…which is both good and bad – good for work and bad for her,” jokes Crni.
They Are Always Supportive Of Each Other
Adisa is a very hearty person and she goes through life with the premise that there is nothing she cannot do. She always tries to push her boundaries, and doesn’t lack support from her husband. They try to overcome every obstacle with humor.
She remembers how on one occasion she was supposed to go to Novi Sad for a competition, and she couldn’t use Crni’s because he also needed it. Since she can’t stand a bus ride, Crni was worried about how everything would go.
“I went to the pharmacy and bought everything to help me with the trip. I slept through it all the way, but I managed to get there. You can’t tell me I can’t do something, because there is always a way. I got there, I participated in the competition, but on my way back I forgot to take the pill. I got on the bus, and everything stunk. I told the driver, ‘stop! I have to take a pill, give us a 15-minute break,’ I took the pill, went [back] in, and nothing stunk [anymore]! It was amazing! I am very sensitive to odors,” describes Adisa. Crni jokingly adds that she should get a job as an airport search dog.
Love Conquers Everything
When they met, their ethnicity did not matter. Adisa lost her father when she was nine years old, so her mother was especially protective. Their relationship was unusual for her mother at first and it was difficult. Now she claims that she loves Crni more than she loves her daughter.
“With our love for our job and for one another we can overcome every obstacle. And that is the [best] formula for young people. You just have to fight for everything. Love conquers everything,” says Crni.
“We were very young, but much more mature than many today. We were very positive and were always three steps ahead,” he adds.
Adisa finds it much easier today to marry someone of another ethnicity than it was during the War. Still, she is not sure whether people have ever supported such relationships sincerely.
“Our friends supported us while we were all together, sitting at one table, but as soon you turn around, you could sense the real mood. Those who said, „I could never“ found themselves in the same situation. But we just loved each other and that’s it. Today we live together, we work together. We know it was destined to happen this way. These 27 years feel like three years“, says Adisa.
Crni adds that he did not pay attention to what the society thought or said when they got married.
“I am a fighter. I had 12 years of work experience at the time, I was a very good student. I did not feel threatened at any point. I did not pay attention to it, nor did I have any problems.”
There Is Good In Everyone
While talking about “mixed” marriages before the War versus today, Adisa recalls how she has always taught to value all people, regardless of their identities.
“My Crni is a Roma, but he does everything he needs to do as a Muslim. I see good in all people. It is important to me to be pure before God. People change very quickly. They become evil quickly. I had friends for 25 years, and it turned out that they were with me out of [personal] interest,” Adisa says.
Kakanj today is very uniform/heterogenous, they say. There are almost no mixed marriages, and this is largely caused by the fact that many people have left the city, and the country in general.
“And sometimes people don’t have the nerve to adapt to someone different from themselves. Whatever my children’s choices are, I’m fine with them. My Nana (Aldijana, their daughter) got engaged to a man whose family is very religious. I respect them. Deni’s (their son) father-in-law is a hajji. I often say that I am a prostitute among those people. I like to joke like that,” she says.
They See People As Good Or Bad, Not As Their Skin Color Or Religion
Although Crni is of Roma ethnicity, they never emphasized this in their conversations with their children. They never tried to explain ethnic differences to them by saying things like, “this is a Serb” or “this is a Croat.”
“Deni was 8 or 9 at the time. He was playing football outside and when he got home, he said, ‘Mom, Crni played against Bijeli. I was in team Bijeli.’ Then I added jokingly, ‘you could play on both teams.’ He asks, ‘how come?’ I said, ‘so you see your father is Crni.’ He says, ‘oh, yes. I forgot!’
We are all human. I see humans as good or bad, not by color, not by religion. I go to church with my friends when they have confirmations, baptisms. I support everything that is good,” Adisa tells us, adding that their best friends from Makarska, Kristina and Drago, have always been supportive of them.
“I had one task in my life: to show others that people of the Roma population can be very successful. My employees have been different ethnicities. There weren’t any awkward situations,” adds Crni.
Our conversation was then interrupted by one customer who came all the way from Munich to get a haircut in their salon.
They Rely On Faith And Honest Work
Both are Muslims and celebrate religious holidays. As they tell us, faith is the pillar of the family.
“Faith in God is the pillar of the family, because if there is no faith in one’s home, there is no family. We celebrate holidays as any other Muslim family. We even pray. Our son is a pop artist, and pop artists, well you know yourself…they face many challenges as far as alcohol and drugs are concerned, so faith is the key. He overcame all that and he is a believer as well,” Crni tells us.
Unlike some couples who get married using their inheritance or material support from their families, Adisa and Crni have achieved everything they have today on their own, with their hard work. They have worked for almost 30 years, and even today, regular customers are there, because they recognize the value and quality of their work and them as people.
“The most important thing for me is to be a good person. I don’t hang out with others out of some personal interest. Whoever comes to me is welcome. Because when you want to sell yourself cheaply for money, it doesn’t end up well. It is short-lived ambition,” explains Adisa.
Love As A Driver
“Love conquers all. All prejudices and all existing systems. If it wasn’t for love, there wouldn’t be anything. We have lived together for thirty years and for thirty years, love for our jobs has guided us. The results are visible. We are not members of any party. Dear God gave us what he gave us and we use it, so we don’t need anyone,” Crni proudly points out.
They are satisfied with the results of their work and their status in society. They would not change anything, because they believe that their commitment to work has brought them exactly where they should be.
“If my father was in power, I would be a hairdresser again, because I love it. We are doing this today not for financial gain, but because we love people. That keeps us going,” says Crni. He advises young people in BiH to always try to do what they really like, because only then will satisfaction and success be guaranteed.
A Symbol Of The Working Class Of The City
During the war, Crni worked for UNPROFOR on Saturdays for almost two and a half years, and received an offer for a job in Paris. He refused the offer. As he tells us, even then, and especially now, their salon had been recognized. They are not sorry that they stayed in Bosnia.
“Generals came from Sarajevo to get a haircut. There was once a well-known CNN journalist as well. They loved me and even offered for me to work for them in Paris at the UN base as a civilian and I refused. They couldn’t believe that I was rejecting it so easily. It was 1994, 1995, and I refused because we were already well-known in the city. I remember thinking, ‘why would I give up everything I have here to pursue it over there.’ So we refused and did not repent. It took me a couple of days to think about the offer. Two transporters would come to pick me up every Saturday. The whole neighborhood was at their windows watching what was happening. It was important to them to get a haircut despite the war. And that happened every Saturday.” Crni recalls.
Today, Adisa and Crni have achieved almost everything that a craftsman can achieve with their work, so most new hairdressers learned from them.
“Some say we are the symbol of this city. We built everything ourselves. Our greatness is being able to look everyone right in the eye. I have not changed my phone number for 20 years. There is nothing to hide, everything is transparent,” concludes Crni.
A Reduced Marriage Benefits
Love and faith are necessary for a successful marriage.
“These two things are the key to a successful life. The two of us should be allowed to retire early. It’s not just 27 years of marriage, but 40 years, as we’ve been inseparable. At work for 10 hours, then at home for 10 hours,” he tells us with a laugh.
Adisa adds that balance is essential in everything. They themselves are quite different in character, but they know how to balance their differences.
“I’m more like, ‘let’s get things done,’ and he’s more of a ‘we’ll do that tomorrow’ kind of person. It gets on my nerves, but you get used to it. I will finish everything in time, so I don’t have to do it the following day, and he’s not that kind of guy. We always compete. He does it out of fun, but I have other responsibilities, to cook, to do dishes and laundry. But I’m like that. My ego does not allow me to be just a competitor,” Adisa tells us.
Fight Till The End
There are three loves in Adisa’s life: her husband, her children, and her job.
“The meaning of love is when you can’t wait to get up in the morning and go to work. Our job is God-given. We make a living thanks to it,” she says. She adds that it is worth fighting for the man you love, for your views, and for anything else that is worth it to you.
“It’s different nowadays. Marriage used to be a more serious thing back then, and today people live for two months together and realize that they will not do that anymore. It’s the easiest thing to leave, to give up. It’s hard to stay sometimes. We need to fight till the end,” Adisa concludes.
Text editing: Balkan Diskurs team; Photography: Mitar Simikić; Photo Editor: Dr. Paul Lowe.
This story is part of the “Love Tales” project implemented by the Post-Conflict Research Center (PCRC) with a group of Balkan Diskurs youth correspondents. The project is implemented with financial support from the VII Academy, the BOLD program of the US Embassy in BiH, and PCRC’s core grants, with the aim of challenging the common narrative that real connections between Bosnia’s different ethnic groups are unattainable by documenting stories of successful interethnic relationships across the country.