It is so monumentally embarrassing that I am finally getting into Christianity because it's the only way I can quit vaping.  

I am more of a general deist/ feel like god is physics/ math / sees itself thru our eyes  kinda vibe in terms of what I "actually think" (the universe is also probably dead and empty except yeh idk prob not ngl) 

but there really is something in here that at least speaks to me and what is strange is I never truly needed it until I had to stop myself from doing something destructive.  I don't usually have a drive that overrides my central nervous system that wants to do smthn as destructive as vaping (so so soooo lame) 

This has rly been sending me into a philosophical tailspin tho cuz I have never ever ever had my mind even remotely accessible to religion like I distinctly was extremely doubtful abt it in like grade 1 before I could even be introduced to the concept of doubting it

But I am realizing art in and of itself is possibly what god is.  The story you tell yourself is very powerful