Turns out - It's excruciatingly difficult to be active on X while editing a book you wrote.

I'm in such a place.

I want to do my book justice.

I want desperately to be here.

Being busy consumed all my time, and now my book is.

I thought: After the holidays & my yearbooks, I'd be here more again.

Now, I'm trying to meet the deadlines I set for myself for my book

And also be here.

And I'm struggling.

In the meantime, I'm seeing less of the people here I care about,

I'm less able to interact with them,

& I'm getting significantly less engagement on my own posts

(As few and far between as they have been as of late.)

But that's another thing - 

There's SO MUCH that I want to share here

And talk about here,

But I'm diminished by my big thing that is the big step towards my dreams.

And then I feel bad when my notifications pile up,

And I'm like "Well, I shouldn't post because I can barely get to the notifications I have now,"

But I have things I wanna say!

And people I wanna interact with!

And things I wanna see!

& anyway, I'm struggling a lot with balance right now,

& saddened by watching my account, I guess, "dwindle" as a result

After working so hard through the back-half of 2024 to build  somewhat of a community here,

And now I feel like I'm failing you,

While trying to do the thing I've been most vocal about wanting to complete,

And I just don't know what to do.

Be patient with me while I try to figure out the balance.

& please engage with me whenever you see me - even if it's less

Because I'm trying so hard to figure it out.

I love it here. But I also love my book. And idk how to manage both right now. I'll get there.