Maybe I am not able to trust myself cause my mom always gas lit me. And like other stuff that I had to convince myself was "not that bad" in childhood. When I think about my childhood I always think it wasn't that bad & that people had it so much worse. But when I TELL people about it they are like WTF. At this point I can't recognize my "gift of fear" until I look back & I’m like why the fuck did I just ignore that?!?!