(E-mail dings at 2 AM)
@USPS : Package delivery today!
Me : It's Sunday, go home USPS you're drunk.
USPS : NUU! REALLY! Package TODAY!
Me : The package you lost in the final mile of delivery a week ago or a new one?
USPS : ... What did you say?
Me : You heard me.
USPS : *👻👻👻*