Hi friends, I need to talk to you about why mandarins are the superior fruit:

•They’re named after the language spoken in China (I just made this up idk if it’s true or not), which is absolutely an advantage. You’ll never have those brain-fart moments where you forget the names of things. 

•You don’t need to wash them before eating. That’s right you cunt, they’ve got a protective shell you can peel off.

•The peel is super easy to remove and pretty fun to do: How long does it take you to peel a kiwi? ages. And you need a knife or some goddamn tool that you wouldn’t find in nature. Don’t have one? Great, enjoy eating a hairy fruit, you bitch ass retard. Watermelon? You need to smash it open unless you’ve got a scythe or a cleaver. And if you do smash it open, it’s a mess. Mandarins? You peel them with your hands, and they’re so soft and cute.

•They’re naturally segmented into slices. Easily my favorite part: find me another fruit that’s already cut and ready to be shared with friends or eaten slice by slice. Incredible, a literal miracle of nature, an engineering miracle. 

•You can store them up your ass. Tied with bananas, mandarins are perfect for this.

•Mandarin/orange juice is probably in anyone’s top 3 juices.

•They cost almost nothing. Want a kilo of mandarins? Bro that’s like 2 dollars.

•When you finish eating them, your hands and the room smell amazing. That’s right, a natural air freshener for the room. You can fart in that bitch, if you eat enough mandarins they’re gonna cover it all up.

Thanks for your attention.