🚨BREAKING NEWS: Albanese Government Hailed as Economic Geniuses for “Revolutionary” Plan to Devalue Aussie Dollar for Fun

SYDNEY — In a groundbreaking economic strategy, the Albanese socialist regime has successfully tanked the Australian dollar to historic lows, prompting glowing praise from their cheerleaders at the ABC and Guardian. “This is a masterstroke of economic wizardry,” declared one Guardian columnist. “A weaker dollar means more affordable Vegemite for overseas tourists, and that’s the real measure of success!”

According to experts (handpicked by the ABC, of course), the collapsing currency isn’t a sign of failure but a “brilliant new plan” to make Australians feel like they’re living in the 1970s again — when inflation, high petrol prices, and economic stagnation were all the rage.

Meanwhile, local peasants, er, citizens are encouraged to embrace their new lifestyle of skyrocketing costs for imported goods and the sweet satisfaction of paying $2.50 a litre for petrol. “Who needs cheap holidays or affordable groceries when we’ve got Albanese’s progressive vision?” chortled one loyal Guardian journalist.

So don’t panic, comrades. The dollar is only “crashing” if you measure it by traditional capitalist metrics like, oh, buying power or value. Just another day of winning under socialism!