BREAKING: Following Amazon’s DEI announcement today, the Trump White House has declared an end to all Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) programs, citing a desire to ‘return to its roots.’ When pressed for details, a spokesperson clarified, ‘We’re embracing the original vision of the White House—just a house, built by unpaid labor, with no pesky discussions about inclusion.’ Historians are reportedly shaking their heads in unison, while Frederick Douglass, still somehow alive in political speeches, remains unavailable for comment.