🚨BREAKING NEWS: Albo Saves the Planet with Billions in NBN “Magic Beans” and Net Zero Unicorns

In a stunning display of fiscal wizardry, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has decided that what Australians really need is another $3 billion dumped into the flaming wreckage of the NBN—because nothing screams progress like dial-up speeds in a streaming age. Meanwhile, his net-zero fantasy continues to bleed billions, because saving the planet with solar panels and windmills will definitely power the AI revolution and charge Teslas all at once.

Albo’s masterstroke? Handing Australia’s resources over to China while telling locals to “tighten their belts.” After all, sovereignty is so passé when there’s globalist approval to be gained. And don’t forget the ABC, Labor’s loyal megaphone, swooning over these bold new ways to turn money into confetti while pretending it’s innovation.

The solution? Scrap the green dreams, embrace nuclear and fossil fuels, and stop treating the NBN like a charity case. But why do that when you can just virtue signal your way into oblivion? Bravo, Albo—Australia is so lucky to have your clown show at the helm.