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Title: Dracula Sucks (Blood)
Review: See this old (...) be livin' la vida loca back in the day. He one day (around 1897) decides to take over London and hires a rather idiotic Realitor (solicitor) to buy him a dope crib up in London... complete with all the player (...) like a run down church to sleep in his coffin and a focked up house to hide the "violent room" aka bedroom... Well, see this stupid azz joe be at his house... his castle, right (Keanu Reeves) and it takes him days and days to figure out that this Castle of Dracula is his prison... etc... he be dumb. Oh, well. It is a classic piece of Victorian Literature... LITTER-for-Sure... and the first couple chapters are "swell" but the rest of the book is a waste of time... seriously you pretentious readers... the character is great (Dracula) but he is only up to no good in the first couple chapters... then it gets boring.... real boring.... snooozies.
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