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Title: inferior to polonium
Review: I am a field operative with the Russian FSB, the KGB's successor agency. My department concerns itself with neutralizing outspoken critics of President Vladimir Putin, Russian emigrés being of particular interest. We've found that when peppering someone's dinner with a toxic, highly radioactive metalloid, polonium is of unsurpassed excellence. However, recent budget cuts have forced us to use this cheaper, less durable uranium ore from [...]. Buyer beware: this product does not even make traitors' digestive tracts glow in the dark! Condemned criminal Yuri Ivanovich did not even become ill when this was tested on him. Amazon does not bother to include this on the label! Disappointing product.
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