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Title: leaden angst wrapped in fur and amber contact lenses
Review: As a lonely middle aged man with no social life, when I sit down to watch a sexy vampire flick with a glass of chardonnay, a plate of low-sodium fat-free water crackers, and two boxes of moisturizing tissues, I expect more than leaden angst wrapped in fur and amber contact lenses. Perhaps this should be renamed to Twilight: Breaking Hymn (did I spell that correctly? *cough*), since it was a naughty song of love. The moon through yonder window did break, and its light in and out of the window did shine, all night long, until the bird cried out in the morning, "coo! coo!" And if you think that's hot, then you'll thrill to the glacial pacing of this epic nuptial that remains frozen in time, like Edward's icy and tumescent love for Bella.
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