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Title: Not Worth Watching Unless You Feel You Deserve To Suffer
Review: Denzel Washington has that kind of screen appearance that makes me want to smell my own armpit. This movie was really, really, really, really boring. I was so bored that I took a jar of Cheez Whiz and poured it into my belly button and stuck one of those miniature Mexican flags that some restaurants put in their margaritas. Then I declared myself the Emperor of Mount Mexico until the Cheez Whiz started running down my stomach in sort of a lava flow way. This made some of the time pass quicker while watching this dreadful film, but mostly I just wanted to go to a turtle party.
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