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Title: Return to Sender. Unopened.
Review: "Valentine" is a toothless, vapid rehash of the slasher flick, done straightfaced with zero irony or chills. It's beautifully shot and well-produced, but, Lord, is it boring. Ripping off "Scream," "Friday the 13th," "Carrie," and at least a half-dozen other horror films, it doesn't stray far from what we've seen before. Someone, somewhere, was convinced that Denise Richards can act, but her blank performance says otherwise. Ditto the wonderfully bland David Boreanaz, whose screen presence has all the flavor of rice cakes. Despite the well-staged slashings and so-called surprise ending, "Valentine" is much ado about nuttin'. Return this baby to sender.
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