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Title: Why, Ann, Why?!
Review: Ann, why don't you return my phone calls?? When we met at the Klamath Falls Greyhound station, I instantly fell for your steel-cold, crazy eyes. You gave me a swig of your wild turkey from a brown paper sack, and said "don't mess with Connecticut, bee-yatch", I remember. Later on, as you were pushing me up against that musty bathroom wall and breathing your hott republican garlic breath into my push-up bra, I thought we would be forever. Forever baby. Now I'm frikkin' knocked up in the middle of Oregon and I see your hott bony frame on that huge cardboard display every time I go to Barnes and Noble, and Ann, I go a little crazy. I get a little misty. I'm flyin' my flag high for you baby, and don't worry, I'll never tell a soul that your dinker is tiny and crooked. Send child support checks, Ann, and better luck next time on the whole "quality authorship" thing you've been goin' for.
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