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Review title: Mediocre Effects Capsize a Laughably Simple Plot
Product review: As you might expect, a blockbuster disaster movie usually lives or dies by the quality of its special effects. "Poseidon," perhaps embracing this sensibility, storms right out of the gates with its money shot, a flyby tour of the doomed ship's exterior from all angles that might be half as impressive as it sounds. The CG looks like a student reel, amateurish and fake with goofy footage of soon-to-be hero Josh Lucas jogging the upper decks awkwardly crammed in. It's a downhill slide from there as a thin plot yields to the power of impressive post-production effects to bail it out, and the cavalry never manages to arrive. A surprisingly star-studded cast struggles with one dimensional characters, banal "here's what I'm looking at" dialog and plot twists so by-the-book I was able to accurately predict each on-screen death. It's a bland, generic, cash-in of a remake that isn't even afforded the buoy of good eye candy. Don't bother.
