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Review title: Ridley, you got some splainin' to do!
Product review: I went into the theater with zero expectations, and came out with poo on my shoe. I scraped it off, but the stench was imprinted on my brain. Luckily, in the aftermath of seeing Lethal Weapon 3 and 4, Alien 3 and 4, Matrix 2 and 3, and Star Wars ep. 1,2, and 3, I've trained myself well on how to do a "mind wipe". Now I'm getting more anxious about Jackson and his 2, strike that, 3 Hobbit movies... p.s., plenty of other reviewers have covered in depth all the reasons why this movie reeks, so I chose the more visceral route.
