Title: A Master Class In How To Make A Horrible Film
Product review: So you say you wanna be a schlocky filmmaker? Step right this way...1. Choose a lead who is woefully miscast (and if he's thoroughly outclassed by the originator of the role? Even better!).2. Waste good actresses who shouldn't be reduced to this kind of dreck just because they're over 35 (Sela Ward and Paige Turco).3. Make sure your teen leads are at least 28.4. Thoroughly ignore what made the original film you're remaking memorable in the first place.5. Tailor the environment of your characters and your plot to keep the teenage girl in her bikini.6. Craft your suspense for audiences who have never ever ever seen any other movie.7. Then leave the door open for that sequel, baby!
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