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  <h1>Fear</h1>
  <h2>Don't</h2>
  <h4>March 22nd, 2015</h4>

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      Dev Bootcamp is a wholly new experience for me. It really represents the first time in my life that I have a (somewhat) clear idea of what I actually want to do with my life. It also represents the first time that I've gone to school with the express purpose of <em>learning</em>.
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      Until now, school was only ever about "not failing". I went through my classes, I studied, I took my tests, and all the while never really managed to realize why. Well, it wound up looking like it was simply to get as good as I possibly could at avoiding failure. I passed my classes in grade school because if I didn't, I wouldn't be prepared for high school. I passed my classes in high school because if I didn't I wouldn't be able to go to college. And most recently, I passed my classes in college because if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to get a job. It was a mindless routine, and one that ultimately proved very effective and distracting me from thinking about what I actually wanted to do.
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      Well now here I am, at Dev Bootcamp. Working towards an end instead of away from one. My immediate observation is that I'm finding it all too easy to fall back into my old "do the bare minimum to 'not fail'" mindset. But my <em>gradual</em> observation is that falling into those old habits is slowly becoming less easy. I'm actually focusing on the material as opposed to the assignment. It's becoming less and less about meeting external requirements, and more and more about meeting internal ones.
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      I started out being afraid I'd end up somewhere I didn't want to be, and slowly but surely, I'm now starting to feel excited about ending up somewhere I do want to be.
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